AIBU MIL and new baby

[feelingold101]

I have no clue if IABU and just tired and sleep deprived or if I have a good point so wanted some opinions.

MIL usually comes round once a week to see us and older DD, we have had a new baby and she is 10days old. MIL came round last night after work like she usually would, DH checked with me whether this was ok. She didn't leave until 10:00pm. I just think it's completely inappropriate, she could see how tired I was and that me and DH were abit snappy with each other as the night got later (nothing in this we are just both extremely sleep deprived right now).
I'm seriously annoyed that she stayed so late, she has form for this, 9/10 outstays her welcome and ignores hints to leave. I'm annoyed with DH as he could tell I had enough but was conveniently ignoring me so in the end at 9:15 I said I was going to bed as the baby had a feed and had gone to sleep.

AIBU? I don't want to say anything and cause an argument with DH over something I'm being silly about

Does it matter of baby was asleep? It's about the new mum

The OP went to sleep, her baby was sleeping. What is the issue here?? DH stayed awake for one extra hour and sat with his mum.

This whole ‘whatever mum says has to happen no matter how unreasonable it is because she had a baby’ is a bit ridiculous.

I’m sorry you were so upset but pleased you went to bed. Am sure you will be ok, do listen to yourself and try to get as much sleep whenever and wherever you can, your MiL will understand!

I actually think it’s difficult being a MiL and FiL. We thought that we were giving our young couple and their new baby some peace and space, but we were then told by them that ‘we didn’t care’ and ‘weren’t making an effort’. I was very upset, as we had tried so hard to be thoughtful. We sorted it out the miscommunication later, thankfully.

🌺

Mils do seem to get a hard time on here for what often seem to me, petty reasons. They can't do right for doing wrong. I'm not a mil so I have nothing to defend - and am quite glad I have only girls as I've seen very few, if any, men complaining about mils.

I would have done same as PP are saying, gone to bed (taken baby with) and left her and DH to it. If you do it enough times she (and he) will get the message. How ridiculous staying that late when you have a 10 day old - obviously doesn’t remember what it is like - feckin exhausting! Congrats on the baby by the way.

Now come on, be fair. Your dh wanted to spend some time with his mum. You wanted to go over the plan for the night.

So, you go over the plan for the night before you go to bed. Does it matter if his mum's there? Is it a secret? Then, you go to bed. Your dh stays up, sees his mum, and goes up when he's ready.

You'll be glad he gets to stay up one night a week, later, as then you'll be able to point to it when you want to stay up late one night a week.

So in general I would think you are being U about this: if you want to go to bed, go, if your DH wants to stay up and chat with his mum, what's the big deal. Not your place to hint to her to leave etc.

However I think normal rules of YABU/YABNU don't apply to people with tiny babies as clearly normal life is suspended for a while and we all just need to do whatever we need to do to get by and we're all crazy U when we're sleep deprived and rightly so.

So I think it's fine to ask him to say "obviously normally it's fine for you to stay as long as you like, but do you mind not staying too late for the next few weeks just while the baby is tiny and we're not quite sure what we're going to feel like on any given day, sorry i know it's a pain when you've had to travel and we absolutely still want to see you, we're just crazy tired at the moment". He should have that conversation with her , not you. And it needs to be a short term arrangement whilst things are crazy. Next couple of months only, I would say. If it turned into a long term thing, it would be U.