Mother didn't turn up for birth - am I right to be angry?

[ShouldIBeUpset]

This happened a while ago but I still feel quite upset and angry about it. In brief:

Me expecting 4th DC. Mother agreed to travel down from her home 5 hours away to look after my 3 older DC while I give birth. I go overdue and eventually induction is agreed for the following day.

I inform DM. It is a weekend so its fine for my stepfather to drive her down. I only expect help for the period I am actually giving birth so DH can be with me and we know DC are safe. Maximum of 24 hours. A previous pregnancy resulted in the neonatal death of DD2 so gibing birth is quite triggering for me which DM knows.

DH took me to hospital and left to come back at visting time with DC. Induction takes off quite quickly and by the end of visiting time I am in full blown labour. DH has to leave to take DC home hoping DM will turn up at any minute. She's not answering phone and should have left in the morning. Its 8pm by this time.

I end up giving birth alone as DH can't come back due to DM not arriving. Labour was very quick.

The next morning DM texts to say they arrived the evening before but they were tired so booked into a hotel!

I tell her that I am about to be discharged so will see her at my house. They turned up for 30 mins max, refusing a cup of tea and a hold of snuggly baby, saying they had to get a move on to get to my younger sisters to babysit for her (I live on the way down to sister's).

She thinks because all was OK, this was perfectly fine BTW!

Angry is a bit mild to be honest, OP! What’s your relationship like normally?

Wow.
That's really crap.
Have you had any contact with them since?

I would be furious and incredibly disappointed. YANBU.

Wow wow you must have been so disappointed.

Has she always been so selfish? I'm not one for thinking that grandparents have to look after children, but in this case she had already agreed to! I'd be furious with her and suggest that she keep her distance while I decide what to do.

WOW. My mother dropped everything when I was in labour. That is crazy. And SO awful for you that you had to give birth alone - especially after having lost a DC (I am so sorry!) I feel so awful for you, that must have been such a difficult experience. Is there something that would have made her act that way? It just doesn't make sense. She is your mum!

And sorry it's not a afterthought - I just pressed enter too quickly.
I meant to say I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your baby daughter

That's absolutely horrendous. Completely unforgivable.

It's hard to know what to say to that! To be clear, did your mum understand you were being induced that day (am assuming yes but hoping no)?

I am glad everything went well but YANBU to think that, in the absence of a major misunderstanding, what she did will take some getting over.

Honestly I'm not sure I could forgive my mum for something like that - and my mum is no longer with us. It's hard enough having kids without having your mum around, but even worse when she is around and just can't be arsed to be there when you were relying on her.

Have you had this out with her? My mum was prone to fits of selfishness, usually where men were involved (oh I could tell you some stories!) but I can't imagine her ever doing something like this!

Yeah I wouldn’t be forgiving her for that

I'd say angry is a bit of an understatement, your DH missed the birth of your child and you had to go through the whole thing alone because your DM didn't do what she said she would and left you in the lurch!

At the very least she could have told you they wouldn't make it in time to see if you could've made alternate arrangements.

Hope you're ok OP, as livid as this must be making you try not to let it colour your view of the experience overall. At least now you know that you can't rely on your mum for help

Sorry but your DM is a gobshite.

That’s pretty rubbish but I don’t think I would have relied on anyone 5 hours way.

That's just awful op! So you were giving birth alone whilst your mum was in a hotel in your own town? That's pretty unforgivable for me.

- that is just crap. Sorry. I'd find it really hard to put that behind me.

YABU - angry isn't really enough for this situation. What the hell was she playing at? I presume she has form for terrible behaviour? This would be the time to call it quits for me.

Shocking

That is appalling. She didn't have to look after your children but saying she will and then not showing up is unforgivable.

Yeah, it would be enough for me to call it quits tbh. The laid-back tiredness and hotel booking followed by leaving to babysit elsewhere would be enough.

That is appalling.
There must be some back story to this?
Congratulations

Wtf

Incidentally

What's your younger dsis take on this??

I have no words. I'd be devastated.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. And so glad everything went well but I don't think id be forgiving that behaviour.

It might be different if you went into spontaneous labour and she didn't have time to get there as 5 hours really is a long time for labour so much can happen so fast but the fact that you had the date and all and she couldn't make it is pretty bad