Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another meal bill splitting thread...

215 replies

frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:12

Went out for a family meal today. I had a meal and dessert which came to £12.
I asked my mum to give my share of the money to person who paid the bill on their card for convenience as I had to dash for the School run and then I'd pay her back.

Get a text off my mum asking me if I'd known we were paying a bit towards my grandparents meal too (it was my grand birthday.) I text her back saying I didn't know this and how much was it then?

She texts back saying £20.
There was 10 of us at the meal including grandparents. 4 others had alcohol and expensive meals compared to mine... My auntie decided that we could just split the bill (8 of us.)

My mum said she said this at the table AFTER the meal. I didn't hear it!

She's being a CF isn't she?
My mum's also annoyed at it being decided for us!

OP posts:
ChocolateWombat · 27/01/2018 12:04

I agree.
And if you don't speak up in advance, you don't have a strong case for moaning at the end if the bill ends up being split.

Clearly people make different assumptions about shared meals - some assume the bill will be split, and others that it won't and some don't care. Any assumption can quickly come unstuck. Clarity upfront is always best with groups.
So someone saying 'shall we agree to split' at the start or 'shall we agree to split good and pay own booze' or 'shall we all pay our own way' is helpful. If there's disagreement at this point, it's easy for those want I G to pay own to say they will opt out of the splitting g arrangement and get their own bill. Easy. It's not easy at the end of the night.

No one should assume everyone is of the same mind as them about this. Loads of people think splitting the bill is fair and also choose this option because of ease - which counts for a lot, if they find getting calculators and menus out all a bit embarrassing. It's not just about the money. If you can't or won't go along with a decision to split, make your view clear at the start. It's very important. And do it every time, because as we see in s case, things sometimes change ina. Direction you don't like.

CraftyGin · 27/01/2018 12:09

Expect to split the bill regardless of who had starters/pudding/alcohol/coffee.

Don’t let the GPs pay when it’s their birthday you are celebrating.

Anything else is bad taste.

If you really, honestly, can’t afford to be a little charitable, have a quiet word with the organiser beforehand.

Huskylover1 · 27/01/2018 14:32

Sounds to me like the alcohol drinkers only had ONE drink!

Grandparents meal & 2 coffees each, came to £13.50 each = £27 total.

£160 - £27 = £133

minus Op's meal of £12 = £121

Div £121 by the remaining 7 people = £17.28 per head, so that's £5.28 each on drinks.

£20 minus £17.28 = £2.72

So each person at the meal has put £2.72 towards the Grandparents meal, except for the Op, who put £8 towards Grandparents meal.

£2.72 x 7 = £19.04

  • £8 from Op = £27.04 (cost of GP's meal)

Doesn't sound fair, however, Op could have chosen to have a wine or 2 coffees and it would have been fairer.

Plumes · 27/01/2018 14:34

Wow, imagine sitting down and doing those sums to fully break down an internet stranger's family lunch.

CraftyGin · 27/01/2018 14:40

I think they thought the OP was an adult and treated her accordingly.

Huskylover1 · 27/01/2018 14:48

Plumes

I suggest that my post is more helpful than yours Hmm

And as a maths person, it took seconds to figure that out.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 14:57

Well... if we’re going full detective we suspect GP didn’t drink (did they just have two water and coffee?), we know OP was driving and she mentions others getting in cars which suggests at least 2 other drivers, unlikely to both be gp. There’s 1 or two other non drinkers there 😮
Dun dun duuuuuuuuuun

Maybe everyone had £12 meals bar Auntie drinks a lot who spent £52 and no one left a tip.

Sunshineface123 · 27/01/2018 14:59

£8?! Wow...at best I'd say u were justified being mildly irritated not to be asked first but really...I'm not sure I could find the energy to b too worked up.

Plumes · 27/01/2018 15:20

I'm happy for you Husky. And I hope I can speak for everyone when I say that we're all so grateful that you took the time.

Rebeccaslicker · 27/01/2018 15:26

Soupdragon - when I was in that position, guess what - I didn't go out and spend money I didn't have!

grannytomine · 27/01/2018 16:08

If you really, honestly, can’t afford to be a little charitable Apart from the GPs why would the other adults expect to receive charity? I wouldn't expect my niece to subsidise me.

SoupDragon · 27/01/2018 16:16

Soupdragon - when I was in that position, guess what - I didn't go out and spend money I didn't have!

So, you would have been annoyed if you’d chosen your meal according to your budget and then been asked to subsidise everyone else.

MipMipMip · 27/01/2018 20:39

Actually SoupDragon not even asked, just expected.

Rebeccaslicker · 27/01/2018 21:06

I would never have to be asked. i'd go happy to split the bill or I wouldn't go. It's really not hard!

ChocolateWombat · 28/01/2018 13:32

It's the OPs choice ultimately, whether she chooses to pay a share of the grandparents bill, to leave a tip or to split the bill. However, in order to carry through that preference, you have to voice it. That doesn't mean simply waiting for someone else to ask you what you want to do about the bill or assuming everyone will want to do what you want. You do have to be proactive and choice it - ideally at the start of the meal. If you don't, then I think you have to accept that someone else might make a group decision and particularly if you have left at that point, or are not willing to speak clearly about it, you lose the opportunity to say what you want. After the event, it's not possible to say 'I only want to pay for what I had' because that choice would impact on what everyone else owed the pot and it's just not possible to sort that out after the event.

It is always up to everyone at a group meal to voice clearly, any particular preference they have for the bill. This maybe for bill splitting or paying for self or any other variation. It should not be assumed that others will mind read what you think or want to do the same.

If you don't to subsidise other people, that's fine as long as you make it clear upfront. Most people are happy to split a bill and there are benefits if this, not just to the big eaters - it is easy, it removes social awkwardness (and it's just as valid to feel outraged about people getting heir calculators out and totting up to the penny what they spent, as it is to feel cross about paying for more than you had) and it allows a birthday person to be easily covered.

To some people it seems totally obvious that no one should subsidise others or be expected to split the bill. However, this isn't a view held by everyone. Going out with a group is by definition .... A group activity. All group activities require clear communication and a willingness to be a it flexible is often really helpful in such activities too. If you can't or won't be flexible, then the communication becomes even more vital.
Assume nothing. Speak out early on. People might think they would have rather split the bill, but no one is going to insist at the start that must happen. It is easy to ask the waitress for a separate bill and just say that's what you're doing. 'Just to say, I'm asking for a separate bill this time. I'm watching the pennies, so just need to keep control of how much I spend tonight,mso I'll cover what I have plus a tip. Just so you know' Job done.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page