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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another meal bill splitting thread...

215 replies

frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:12

Went out for a family meal today. I had a meal and dessert which came to £12.
I asked my mum to give my share of the money to person who paid the bill on their card for convenience as I had to dash for the School run and then I'd pay her back.

Get a text off my mum asking me if I'd known we were paying a bit towards my grandparents meal too (it was my grand birthday.) I text her back saying I didn't know this and how much was it then?

She texts back saying £20.
There was 10 of us at the meal including grandparents. 4 others had alcohol and expensive meals compared to mine... My auntie decided that we could just split the bill (8 of us.)

My mum said she said this at the table AFTER the meal. I didn't hear it!

She's being a CF isn't she?
My mum's also annoyed at it being decided for us!

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 25/01/2018 16:33

Really? its nothing, they will have done loads for you most likley over the years.
Unless you are really struggling financially I think your being a bit tight OP.

PinkHeart5914 · 25/01/2018 16:33

So it’s one of your grandparents birthday so you all club in to pay for there meal? Surely that is a nice thing to do, I honestly wouldn’t mind paying for my grandparents meal!

Auntie should of told peopl beforehand but I don’t think it’s hugely cheeky tbh compared to some on the stuff you get on here.

Unless you are incredibly tight for money, I don’t really see the issue other a few pound

lastnamefirstfirstnamelast · 25/01/2018 16:33

Thats not that bad, i've seen much worse split bill scenarios on here tbh

Original poster
frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:33

Yes MickeyLuv !!!! Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:35

It's not case of being tight...it's people assuming!

OP posts:
wowfudge · 25/01/2018 16:37

No - it's out of order to suggest this, at the table at the end of the meal in front of the people you are being asked to pay for. If someone thinks this would be a nice thing to do, you get the agreement of those being asked to contribute in advance. Very easy to be Lady Bountiful with other people's money.

mojito55 · 25/01/2018 16:37

It's not your aunt's fault that you left before payments were discussed.

lastnamefirstfirstnamelast · 25/01/2018 16:37

I think maybe she just forgot to mention it while you were there?

SillyLittleBiscuit · 25/01/2018 16:37

They wouldn't have had to assume if you'd offered to split their meal. I can't see the issue.

elessar · 25/01/2018 16:37

Did you have a soft drink OP or just tap water? If you literally just had what you describe then your contribution including tip would have been £13.20 ish. An extra £7 to treat your grandparents wouldn't bother me, although I can see it's mildly irritating not to have been consulted.

But I couldn't get worked up over this.

lastnamefirstfirstnamelast · 25/01/2018 16:39

or wanted to make it as a nice surprise at the end of the meal for your gp's......you would have known about it at the end but you had to rush off

MyBrilliantDisguise · 25/01/2018 16:39

£8 isn't a lot for a contribution to two grandparents' meals and a tip.

1ndig0 · 25/01/2018 16:39

Wow Confused Come on OP - it's only an extr £8!! Do you always count and calculate so obsessively? Let it go, it's your GP's birthday. As long as you had s good time, it's all fine.

MiddleClassProblem · 25/01/2018 16:40

But you should have been more assertive about it when you left and you didn’t include a top from what you’ve said.

If money is tight and you’re eating out in a group surely you state your intentions of how you’ll pay up front as you know there’s a chance it will just get split.

Say you left a 10% tip (such is seen as below average anyway) you owe £13.20 so it’s £6.80. Sure two meals with alcohol could come to £54.40.

I don’t get the notice thing. If you want the notice in this situation then you need to give it. Say “is it ok if we just pay for what we eat?” In advance as no one else is going in knowing just how tight your finances are.

Original poster
frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:40

I left with everyone . They were going back to my Grans but I couldn't. Bill was paid when I was there but they were reimbursing Bill payer at my Grans.

OP posts:
Original poster
frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:41

My grandparents had fish and chips and two coffees each!

OP posts:
ALLIS0N · 25/01/2018 16:41

Op, did you have nothing to drink at all? Because you only mention a meal and dessert .

Andyou haven’t added in anything for a tip, which is usually 10% at least for a large group like yours. So your share is minimum £13, assuming no drinks, coffee or bread you were charged for.

Didn’t you know that it’s quite usual for the person who is being honoured to not pay anything but to have their share split among the others ? if you are going to this type of meal you really need to be prepared for this I’m afraid.

It doesn’t always happen, sometime people will invite you “ as their guest “ or say it’s their treat. Otherwise don’t go if you don’t have that spare fiver to contribute . Or skip the desert so you have enough cash.

Original poster
frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:42

Fish and chips were £8.50 and Coffees about £2.50

OP posts:
mrsharrison · 25/01/2018 16:42

Op if your aunt had given you notice what would your response have been?
I sympathise that you're skint atm but i suggest you calm down - your aunt has no idea that £8 is a lot of cash for some.
With family things tend to balance out. Next time it might be you knocking back champagne while aunt has the £12 meal.

Original poster
frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:42

ALLISON I had tap water.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 25/01/2018 16:43

God this drip feed is frustrating even though unintentional

MiddleClassProblem · 25/01/2018 16:45

Basically you had no reason to “how much do I owe?” And discuss it as you didn’t leave before them.

I think you’re a CM... a cheeky moaner. A person who moans about an issue but has done nothing to resolve it.

theunsure · 25/01/2018 16:45

If you want to be involved in how the bill is split, then stay to the end and be the one that sorts it all out....
I couldn't ever be bothered by a few extra £ when it is family/close friends. I'm actually shocked that this is a thing to be bothered about.

I'm always happy to split a bill when everyone has had similar food/drink even if that means I pay a bit more. If I have every ordered something much more pricey then I always offer to pay the extra (e.g if no-one else has had alcohol or a starter or something). But I think calculating to the £ what you have eaten/drunk is in very poor taste. Certainly not how I was brought up anyway. In my family we all fight to be the one that pays!

Original poster
frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:45

mrsharrison Perfectly calm here sorry to dissapoint!
I would never mind contributing to my Grandparents at all.

What I don't like is not being asked.

OP posts:
SilverClouds · 25/01/2018 16:46

I wouldn't be annoyed about the GP meal - I would about subsidising alcohol. Not worth arguing about