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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another meal bill splitting thread...

215 replies

frenchfancy17 · 25/01/2018 16:12

Went out for a family meal today. I had a meal and dessert which came to £12.
I asked my mum to give my share of the money to person who paid the bill on their card for convenience as I had to dash for the School run and then I'd pay her back.

Get a text off my mum asking me if I'd known we were paying a bit towards my grandparents meal too (it was my grand birthday.) I text her back saying I didn't know this and how much was it then?

She texts back saying £20.
There was 10 of us at the meal including grandparents. 4 others had alcohol and expensive meals compared to mine... My auntie decided that we could just split the bill (8 of us.)

My mum said she said this at the table AFTER the meal. I didn't hear it!

She's being a CF isn't she?
My mum's also annoyed at it being decided for us!

OP posts:
ivenoideawhatimdoing · 25/01/2018 18:55

I would not object at all to contributing; it would rise my shackles up though to be 'told' what I owe.

I'd pay it and mention to my Aunt that plans must be made in advance.

PiffleandWiffle · 25/01/2018 19:05

Another vote for Tight Fucker here -- on the plus side though, make enough fuss & they won't invite you to any more meals!! Win Win.....

popcornpaws · 25/01/2018 19:17

I drink tap water with every meal as where i live the tap water is lovely, i just like the odd sip with food and dont really like soft drinks or alcohol.
I’m not on a budget and i’m certainly not tight!
Funnily enough i was out with family for my birthday lunch today and i paid for it all, i didnt notice what anyone drank/ate just had a good time!

Plumes · 25/01/2018 20:30

Imagine getting so outraged over a couple of quid. Tighter than a duck's arsehole.

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 25/01/2018 21:41

All this fuss over £8? Really?

This is an example of what pisses me off about this thread.

I've recently become a single parent, and money is tight. £8 is a lot to me.

Be grateful you have enough money not to worry about £8

AlonsosLeftPinky · 25/01/2018 22:02

Tbh I think if you want your own bill, the onus is on you to make that clear at the beginning of the meal to the wait staff at the very least.

We either always split evenly or take turns paying. I can't imagine how miserable an existence must be to calculate your meal to the penny and sip tap water unless you absolutely have to.

Isetan · 26/01/2018 05:15

This is why you discuss things beforehand, the problem was you and your Aunt made different assumptions. I personally wouldn’t have been happy about you dashing off without paying and assuming that your Mother had the means to cover you until later. How difficult would it really have been to pay your share, given that you had limited funds you must have known roughly (if not exactly) what your share was before the bill came?

It appears poor communication and CFuckery seems run in the family.

cambodianfoxhound · 26/01/2018 06:31

I am totally with the person who paid on their card and said lets sort it later. They did this to avoid an awkward conversation in front of your grandparents about how the bill should be split and to allow your grandparents the dignity of not having to try and pay their share, and deal with the 'no of course not its your birthday' etc. etc.

Then of course it is more sensible to just split between the others after as the exercise of scrutinising the bill and calculating who owes what is not just tedious but cringeworthy beyond belief at that stage.

Consider your extra two quid per grandparent (or whatever) as tax for having a socially aware and considerate relative and move on. Life is seriously too short to spent time angry about stuff like this. Be grateful you have a family who wants to include you in celebratory occasions.

Charlottelouisa · 26/01/2018 06:39

What you can’t pay £8 towards a meal for your grandparents? Wow!

SavvyBlancBlonde · 26/01/2018 07:02

The easiest thing to do here would be to add together the grandparents meal and drinks and split that between everyone. That way you avoid CF and no one can complain about their supplementing a.n.others lobster bisque and Chardonnay

1Wanda1 · 26/01/2018 07:20

I think it is pretty normal to split the bill equally, and if you feel strongly that you don't want to do that, it's down to you to make that clear before you leave early. Alternatively just tell your mum that you feel strongly that this is a cheek.

I wouldn't bother with the argument for £8 though.

ChocolateWombat · 26/01/2018 08:58

Some of this is about being socially aware.

There is a difference between not being keen to pay for a large group who have been boozing all night and eating 5 courses while you drink water and have 1 course, to wanting to pay to the penny for what you have eaten and drunk, without any awareness of tips and possibly paying for someone if he meal is their birthday outing.

If you are so hard up that you can't afford to add in for the tip and perhaps a couple of extra pounds for when calculations don't exactly work out, then I really think people should consider if eating out socially in big groups is for them. Coping with paying a tip and sometimes paying a bit more than you had is just being aware of social niceties. I understand that not all people have loads of money - if you are short of money, you do miss out on lots of things. It's a sad fact.

To me, the 'cost' of the meal is actually the cost of a night out. It's the cost you pay for having an evening with friends and family. That includes what you personally ate and drank, but there are extras too which are very much part of that cost and need to be considered unavoidable elements - the tip is one, and some element of extra cost should be seen as inevitable and just accepted as part of going out for a birthday meal - such as paying for the birthday person. Too narrowly thinking if the cost as literally the price of each mouthful you personally put in your mouth is individualistic and not socially aware or even realistic. If this is what you want to pay, you will have to go out to eat alone - and then you really can do this.

Again, I'm not talking about subsidising the bug boozers for their 4 bottles of wine and biggest steaks, but simply accepting that there are extra costs involved in going out.

Delatron · 26/01/2018 09:12

Very well said chocolatewombat.

Emoconn · 26/01/2018 17:35

She prob could have mentioned it but £8 really isn’t much. I hate when people go out and purposely order cheap then complain when bill is split. Either don’t go out as you can’t afford it which is sensible or if it’s a family thing just say your broke

genius1308 · 26/01/2018 17:52

I think the fact that 'it's only £8' isn't the point tbh. I hate people who want to split the bill, I want to pay for what I'm consuming not everyone else. And no, it's not because I'm tight, usually the opposite tbh. When I go out with groups of friends I want to be able to order whatever I want and not have to feel bad because other people will 'have to pay for it'. I have lots of friends who 'need to be careful with the pennies' and that's absolutely fine. I, on the other hand, get out very infrequently so I like to indulge a little. I always order steak and drink spirits (and I want 3 courses 😂). I have friends who love to come out just for the social side and may just order a pizza. That's totally fine with me, I'd prefer them to come and have a nice night and not be worrying about what I'm ordering! I also don't go in rounds at the bar. Again, not because I'm tight, but as I've said I only drink spirits and most of my friends drink half a lager. ..why should they pay for me? Or why should they not be able to come because they are worried about the bill?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/01/2018 17:55

This CF business is ridiculous now.

Anyone £20 for a meal and putting towards a grandparents meal is a bargain in my book.

genius1308 · 26/01/2018 17:56

I'm also astounded by the amount of people saying 'well you shouldn't go out then'. Seriously!!!! I'm going to come out with you guys and order a few bottles of Champagne to go with my fillet steak and oysters....let's see how happy you are about splitting the bill then 🤔

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 26/01/2018 17:59

I'm also astounded by the amount of people saying 'well you shouldn't go out then'. Seriously!!!! I'm going to come out with you guys and order a few bottles of Champagne to go with my fillet steak and oysters....let's see how happy you are about splitting the bill then

Because that would be the same as contributing a couple of quid towards your Grandmother's Birthday meal with family, wouldn't it?

There is not one single rule here. Your example - CF territory. OP's - totally different.

viques · 26/01/2018 18:01

So you were asked to contribute £4 to each of your grandparents meal? call it £3 each since your original payment didn't seem to cover a tip.

Doesn't sound a lot to me.

HolyShet · 26/01/2018 18:04

Your aunt doesn't get to decide how you spend your money, regardless of if its 50p. If she's decided she wants to treat your gps, she should pay it herself or check in advance.

But over £8 you'll have to let it lie.

MysweetAudrina · 26/01/2018 18:10

But people didn't really have a whole lot more than you. 20*8= 160/10 = 16 per person. 2 grandparents= 32/8 = 4 so just covering your meal and your share of theirs would have come to 16 for your share. So you spent an extra 4 to cover other peoples and if you include a tip then really it's only a couple of £. Not really too cheeky in the grand scheme of things.

Viviennemary · 26/01/2018 18:23

I don't think it's that bad if you were asked to pay £8 extra. So some of that would be the share of your gps meal and some would towards folk who had more expensive meals than you. . If you complain you will sound like a total Scrooge. About being asked. Well you weren't there to be asked and you should think you have a generous family paying for the gps meal.

Jaxhog · 26/01/2018 18:24

This is exactly why, when eating out with a group, I order the most expensive item on the menu plus multiple drinks. At least if they want to split equally I've had my money's worth!
This is exactly why I don't eat with people like you!

Splitting the bill is fine - provided its agreed in advance, and there aren't CFs like the above in the group.

Jaxhog · 26/01/2018 18:26

To answer the OP - it was wrong of your Aunt. But it was the GPs birthday meal, so I would have expected to contribute. For the sake of harmony, I'd eat the 8 quid. But always ask in future.

PolarBearkshire · 26/01/2018 18:27

£20 for grandparents meal? And enjoy big family table?? So what? Why to be so petty? So stingy people these days honestly.
Just pay up and kiss the ground for having grandparents still alive and being able to sit around table with all of your family.
Just because others enjoy a glass or two doesnt make them any worse than you
Just stop being stingy and pay up