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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For fussy eaters to drive me crazy?

209 replies

MrsPreston11 · 25/01/2018 13:31

Kid in my daughters class (not SEN, that I can sympathise with) is the fussiest eater ever.

To the point I won't have her over for dinner.

Just eats plain pasta, peanut butter sandwiches (has to be certain PB and certain white bread, of course) and chicken nuggets and chips but of course alllll the sweets.

I feel like every fussy kid I've know has had that as their menu.....

I just cannot get my head around it. HOW?

My only assumption is that the parent feeds them what they want for a quiet life. Unfair?

Or am I being totally unreasonable and missing something?

OP posts:

Littlebitshort · 25/01/2018 13:35

As a parent of a fussy eater i think your unfair to say i feed her what she wants for a quiet life. Unless you’ve had a fussy eater you have no idea. But im not going to go into that.
You are not unreasonable to be annoyed by this at playdates as im sure it is a pita but surely its just a plate of chicken nuggets every now and then and as long as the children are getting on well i dont why it should be such a probkem for you?

IHaveBrilloHair · 25/01/2018 13:37

Why can't you just give her what she likes?

Namelesswonder · 25/01/2018 13:39

Or maybe the parents feed them the foods they will eat because otherwise they will starve. Just because there are no obvious SEN doesn’t mean you know the whole story. YABU

DancingOnRainbows · 25/01/2018 13:40

I have a 'fussy' eater I say yabu. How do you know if they have sen? Not all food issues would be classed as sen anyway. Not all parents tell everyone, because they get judged for 'indulging their child for a quiet life'.

Fussy eating happens for lots of reasons unrelated to parenting. My other children are not fussy.

Ribrabrob · 25/01/2018 13:42

I don't understamd the hate for 'fussy' eaters - why would you eat something you don't like? There's really no point. Everybody has different likes and dislikes about all things in life and it's the same with food. Just because one person likes curry for example doesn't mean everyone has to.

Agreed, just feed her something that she does like. Surely that's the most obvious solution.

Usedtobeanxious · 25/01/2018 13:44

Be kind to this child.
'Fussy' eaters often have strong & uncontrollable anxieties around food.
As a child it would feel like my throat was closing up if I tried to eat certain foods, & I would feel sick & panicky. It's not that obvious to people that don't know the child.
Some people don't get this because they'll eat anything.

Is it really that hard to just give them what they want?

SendintheArdwolves · 25/01/2018 13:44

Excellent bun-fight starter, OP - I'm ducking out of this thread because I know how it will go, but full marks for a perfectly-pitched wind-up

scurryfunge · 25/01/2018 13:45

Presumably the child is not coming to dinner all the time. For the odd occasion I would give her what she will eat.

kaytee87 · 25/01/2018 13:45

You are being unfair. I remember as a small child being terrified of food that wasn't 'safe'. My parents tried all sorts, I would literally gag or starve myself.
I completely grew out of it. It's very common in children and I'm sure it's an evolutionary thing gone wrong.
Not sure why what another persons child is eating bothers you so much.

ShastaTrinity · 25/01/2018 13:45

I don't understamd the hate for 'fussy' eaters - why would you eat something you don't like?

because your body needs you to? You might not like vegetables, but you still need them. If the only food you appreciate is crisps, you wont' stick with crisps, will you?
Even if your children don't like something, they have to eat what you give them. Really poor countries don't seem to have the concept of funny eaters funnily enough.

If you have a fussy eater, they might be more fussy as a guest because they can get away with it, whilst at home they won't!

k2p2k2tog · 25/01/2018 13:46

Can't really get worked up about kids being fussy but agree no parent ever said "Oh Araminta is a nightmare, she'll only eat broccoli, quinoa and raw beetroot!"

Adults are another matter - adults who have an incredibly limited palate, don't like anything spicy, or garlicky, or anything with a sauce, or anything foreign, or pasta, or noodles...... Dull.

Dancetothebeat32 · 25/01/2018 13:47

YABU i have a daughter who is on the autistic spectrum and there are foods that she simply cannot have because she has sensory and texture issues, I give her a weekly budget and she tells me what food she wants and I get it for her, I don't do this for a quiet life, I do it because the smallest thing can aggravate her anxiety and I don't want to cause her any undue stress

DustyMaiden · 25/01/2018 13:47

I may have been guilty of agreeing with you once.

My DS was born, I fed him a variety of foods, he would eat anything. He got to the age of two and would only eat pasta and fish and chips.

He was diagnosed with Aspergers at 16.

Please just accommodate the child, don’t exclude her.

okeydokeygirl · 25/01/2018 13:47

As a fussy eater myslef I think YANBU to be annoyed. But it is fairly easy to provide what the girl WILL eat so YABU for this being the reason not to invite her over anymore. Surely if there are only a few things she will eat then it is easier as you don't have to think about varying the options at different visits. If your DC likes the other child then just feed her the things she will eat. Most kids grow out of it. I think there is something developmental about only eating yellow /brown foods. But I might have that wrong.

kaytee87 · 25/01/2018 13:47

Really poor countries probably have a very limited diet of the same things every day and aren't trying to get their child to try new 'unsafe' foods so I'm not sure thats a valid argument.

Merryoldgoat · 25/01/2018 13:49

Sounds like my son. It's a pain, isn't it? Well imagine what it's like to live with.

When I have kids over I just ask the parents what the kid eats and serve that.

I thank god my good friends are kind enough to accommodate his issues so I can actually take him places.

We generally manage to get him to try a new food each month but getting it 'bedded in' takes a while. Obviously You've got the answers so if you could tell me the secret to curing this problem I'd really appreciate it.

Littlebitshort · 25/01/2018 13:49

Shasta has got a point...my ‘mildly fussy’ eater suddenly because super duper fussy at anyone elses house. And i cant be bothered to get into that either as im fed up with the judgement around it.

EggsonHeads · 25/01/2018 13:50

If you've never had/been a fussy eater you really don't understand. Some people are naturally more sensitive to taste or texture. It takes a lot of effort to expand afussy eater's palate. You have to eat something 10 times before you become accustomed to the taste but a lot of fussy eaters are frightened of trying new things because of the overwhelming tastes some foods have. And then there are some foods that just make certain people feel sick no matter how accustomed they are to them (I get this withover spiced foods like curries. I still eat them because I like the taste but I always feel sick halfway through and have to stop). You find that a lot of fussy children also have delicate digestive systems. I am very sensitive to foods myself-some tastes are like a mild form of torture, they give me a headache or make me nauseous. It's a physically cal response that I can only do my best to hide from others. My son is also fussy. It's not because I am lazy. Literally every meal is a battle to expand his range of safe foods. And it's working. Just very slowly.

ShastaTrinity · 25/01/2018 13:51

Really poor countries probably have a very limited diet of the same things every day
but that limited diet doesn't seem to include crisps, fish fingers and other frozen junk food, chocolate and sweets.

tobee · 25/01/2018 13:54

I agree with you op. There. I've said it. Pp who say just feed them what they like, well I had twins to tea once and was told they only ate a certain type of pasta with a certain brand of sauce which I made for them. They still didn't eat it.

I used to be a very fussy eater until my late teens. My dd has asd.

I think it's becoming more and more prevalent because kids don't eat school dinners so often and are always given choice.

I'm sure the will go down badly here but it is what I think.

Original poster

MrsPreston11 · 25/01/2018 13:56

This was a genuine AIBU - turns out I am. Thanks for the insight. My best friends little girl is autistic and I can fully understand her sensory issues with things, so that isn't a problem for me to understand.

I guess maybe all fussy kids could have genuine fear etc of trying things for many reasons. I just sort of got the vibe this was more of a learned habit with this kid.

Back in my box I go.

Chicken nuggets a-plenty in my future. And very grateful my kids are only the normal amount of fussy.

But if she vomits on my table because they're the wrong chicken nuggets I'm blaming you. (That was a joke - I'll check they're the right nuggets.)

I do have the kid over, just not for meal times.

I didn't even start with fussy adults as that is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. If you're in your 30s eat some damn veg!

OP posts:

LaurieMarlow · 25/01/2018 13:56

I get you OP. I think fussy eating is culturally tolerated in the UK in a way that it isn't in a lot of other countries. I accept that some children have huge difficulties with various tastes and textures, but the UK seems to have far more of these kids than I've seen in other places.

However, it's not a battle you're going to win with this little girl and it probably isn't fair to her anyway, so I'd just give her a bowl of plain pasta and be done with it.

kaytee87 · 25/01/2018 13:57

but that limited diet doesn't seem to include crisps, fish fingers and other frozen junk food, chocolate and sweets.

That's not just what fussiness is about. For instance when I went through my fussy phase, I would eat carrots and sweetcorn but not pizza / crisps / any meat except chicken.
Fussy children seem to latch on to certain safe foods, who knows how they decide what is safe to them. Certain textures usually .

FurCoatFurKnickers · 25/01/2018 13:57

Because providing plain pasta and/or chicken nuggets is just sooooo difficult isn't it.

If they only ate triple cooked chips or soufflé I'd have some sympathy.

DancingOnRainbows · 25/01/2018 13:57

but that limited diet doesn't seem to include crisps, fish fingers and other frozen junk food, chocolate and sweets

Is that what all fussy eaters eat then? That's certainly news to me and my fussy eater. When was this extensive survey you did on fussy eaters and kids in poor countries?

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