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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For fussy eaters to drive me crazy?

209 replies

MrsPreston11 · 25/01/2018 13:31

Kid in my daughters class (not SEN, that I can sympathise with) is the fussiest eater ever.

To the point I won't have her over for dinner.

Just eats plain pasta, peanut butter sandwiches (has to be certain PB and certain white bread, of course) and chicken nuggets and chips but of course alllll the sweets.

I feel like every fussy kid I've know has had that as their menu.....

I just cannot get my head around it. HOW?

My only assumption is that the parent feeds them what they want for a quiet life. Unfair?

Or am I being totally unreasonable and missing something?

OP posts:
ShastaTrinity · 25/01/2018 13:58

I think the opposite about school dinners, my kids have 3 (sometimes 4!) choices. I much prefer schools with one option and one option only, so they have to eat it, not survive on pizza or jacket potatoes 5 days a week.

the menus of our local schools are horrendous in therm of health but that's another thread

MrsPreston11 · 25/01/2018 13:59

It's not difficult at all.

But it's not ideal when my children are seeing that I'll willingly serve up just nuggets and plain pasta and she can get away with no veg etc. That's more the issue that's stopping me have her for dinner.

OP posts:
DancingOnRainbows · 25/01/2018 13:59

But if she vomits on my table because they're the wrong chicken nuggets I'm blaming you

Doesn't the fact she might vomit on your table make it blindingly obvious it's not just being fussy for the sake of it Shock Confused

ShastaTrinity · 25/01/2018 14:00

DancingOnRainbows
I am sure you have one of these children who will only eat grilled fish and broccoli, but my point was that there was no fussy eaters in poor countries, whilst MOST fussy eaters here rarely stick to vegetable soups, do they?

CantPlanThisWedding · 25/01/2018 14:00

My DS is a 'fussy eater' he eats all the things you mentioned, plus basic carbs like pasta and pizza, fish fingers and the occasional apple if i bribe him with a sweet

He's seen a dietitian (for different reasons) and I've been told not to worry about it so long as he's eating something. He's 4, skinny already and quite frankly i don't understand why it bothers anyone else that i feed him what he will eat.

I Do try to give him other food, I Do put veg and fruit on his plate, along with the things i know he will eat.

If you've never had a battle, that lasts months or years with a child who gags and throws up if they're forced to eat something they don't want to then you don't understand.
If you've never been sat in tears begging your child who is also in tears to ' just try one pea' then you don't understand.
And If you think all of this is a reflection on my parenting then you also do not understand.

I have a DD too, younger, if that's relevant. Who was weaned at the same age, in the same way, with the same foods as DS. Who has the same dinner put in front of her every night as DS, Who happens to eat everything you put on it.

I Didn't choose, or make my DS a fussy eater. I do Choose to feed him things i know he will eat.

To be honest if cooking some chicken nuggets is that much of a hardship for you then just don't invite the child round. I'd really rather my child wasn't in a home as judgmental as that anyway.

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 25/01/2018 14:00

What other people do or don’t eat is of no interest to me, I’ve no problem catering to their likes/dislikes/diet choices and I don’t refer to it as ‘fussy’. I’m always amazed by how bothered some people get by other people’s food choices.

Lovemusic33 · 25/01/2018 14:01

I have a fussy eater (with severe sensory issues), it drives me nuts at times and I’m surprised her friends invite her over and cook her plain cheese pizza every time.

I think YABU to not invite this child over, will it really hurt to cook nuggets and chips for one night? As for the child’s eating habits it’s not really any of your business, I’m sure the child’s parents are not over the moon about having a fussy child, just be thankful that it’s not your child.

DancingOnRainbows · 25/01/2018 14:02

I think fussy eating is culturally tolerated in the UK in a way that it isn't in a lot of other countries.

We even culturally tolerate all those kids with asd and adhd and shit now too Hmm

LaurieMarlow · 25/01/2018 14:04

But it's not ideal when my children are seeing that I'll willingly serve up just nuggets and plain pasta and she can get away with no veg etc. That's more the issue that's stopping me have her for dinner.

That's really annoying, I agree. But there's always a point where you have to make a stand for what your family do compared to others.

newdocket · 25/01/2018 14:05

I used to be a smug git about fussy eaters until I had dc3, who is an extremely fussy eater. Agree it's completely annoying but equally, it's not that annoying to just give her a plain bowl of pasta.

tobee · 25/01/2018 14:05

Shasta if you were referring to me I am agreeing with you. I meant when kids have school dinners they have choice which is not a good thing. I phrased it a bit badly!

AuntLydia · 25/01/2018 14:05

Just give her the pasta and thank your lucky stars your own kids aren't like that. My eldest has a friend like that. She's absolutely lovely. She will only eat plain pasta, omelette or pizza. That's it. So that's what I give her. My youngest is fussy but not to that extent and not for beige pizza tapas - she loves veg, salad and fruit. Fucked if I can get her to eat a pasta dish though.

TheStoic · 25/01/2018 14:06

Yes it drives me crazy too. Two kids we see regularly are like this, so I don’t even try to cook the right thing any more. I let their parent order take away for all of us.

Happies · 25/01/2018 14:06

I am a "fussy eater" have been all my life.... I'm now in my 30s.

It's not a choice, as frustrating to the parents, it's more frustrating for the person!
I can't explain it but certain foods just make me want to vomit at the thought of eating them. Texture is a big thing for me.
It's stressful eating out, or having dinner at someone's house. I eat the same things ALL the time and I am so bored of it! But it's a psychological thing and I don't know how to get over it.

So just give the kid what they want, don't make it stressful. Does it matter if your kid doesn't eat veg for the one dinner their friend is round?

LaurieMarlow · 25/01/2018 14:06

We even culturally tolerate all those kids with asd and adhd and shit now too

I'm not talking about those kids. Fussy eating is in no way at all restricted to those with medical issues.

However if you compare UK children in general to French kids, you'll come across far more fussy kids here. And most of that is to do with cultural approaches to food.

FurCoatFurKnickers · 25/01/2018 14:07

But it's not ideal when my children are seeing that I'll willingly serve up just nuggets and plain pasta and she can get away with no veg etc. That's more the issue that's stopping me have her for dinner.

To be fair OP, unless she's eating at your house very night of the week maybe you could relax the veg rule for your children on that occasion. Give them some extra fruit/veg sticks as snacks if you're worried about them missing out. It's a bit anal not to have a child to dinner occasionally for this reason.

JessiCake · 25/01/2018 14:08

Fussy eaters are annoying as adults/older kids but I'm happy to cater to a fussy small child (probably because I'm the parent of one!!)

What I personally find FAR more annoying is the parents (almost all the parents I know in fact) who blithely reply to my queries about what their child likes/dislikes before a playdate 'oh, he/she isn't fussy, he/she eats everything!'

This has so far NEVER proven to be the case.

The Reception age children I've had over are ALL fussy to a fair degree, no matter what their parents say. And in fairness, I don't mind it at all - I get that in a strange, new house, a small child might suddenly be worried about eating bolognese that looks a bit different from his or her mum's version, or eating pizza that has a different looking crust, or eating tomato sauce (on pasta) that is lumpier or smoother etc than they're used to. It's not so much the actual food, I think, as the surroundings and the stress for a small child of being somewhere new and strange.

But then I wish their parents would actually try to tell me in advance that, though they're not generally fussy, they might be in a new place and suggest something they know is a GUARANTEED thing their child will eat.

It's why I now stick resolutely and boringly to fish fingers when DD has a friend over. And tbh even those have generally been picked at.

I would also say that it's the children whose parents say they're not fussy who are the ones clamouring and clamouring for pudding from the word go, and for whom two portions of pudding isn't apparently enough! (1 little girl actually went and raided my fridge last week after two large portions of ice-cream weren't enough...)

Is it obvious I hate the eating part of play dates? Grin

DancingOnRainbows · 25/01/2018 14:08

I am sure you have one of these children who will only eat grilled fish and broccoli, but my point was that there was no fussy eaters in poor countries, whilst MOST fussy eaters here rarely stick to vegetable soups, do they

Are there not? Says who? I don't know what most fussy eaters here eat, I know what mine eats.

ShastaTrinity · 25/01/2018 14:08

I think fussy eating is culturally tolerated in the UK in a way that it isn't in a lot of other countries.

very true

Rudgie47 · 25/01/2018 14:09

I remember when I was at primary school, all the children had to have the same school dinner.There was no choice and no packed lunches allowed in the 1970s.
Anyway,if you didnt eat your dinner you were made to stay behind until you ate it. I remember cying into my dinner I could'nt eat it because all the food was poor quality and tasteless.
I would never force anyone, a child, adult or animal to eat something they didnt like.

ShastaTrinity · 25/01/2018 14:10

I don't know what most fussy eaters here eat

maybe host a few playdates and parties, and you will start to have an inkling... Or just look at the restaurant children menus, with their "safe" options

Cheatabix · 25/01/2018 14:10

MrsP i do not think you are being unreasonable. It drives me mad too. We are absolutely allowed to be irritated by it. And whenever i have a child over who eats whatever i put in front of them, with relish, i am so happy and also happy to host that child any time. I never want the fussy ones back.

BarbarianMum · 25/01/2018 14:10

Ds2 has a couple of friends like this. These days they come over and play and go home before dinner. They are not the ones we ask to join us for a day out or a sleepover. But they are nice kids, so are welcome as long as I don't have to feed them.

newdocket · 25/01/2018 14:10

Also, to add to my previous post, my dc3 (8) really hates the fact that he is fussy. He actually gets quite upset about it. If he could press a button and like all the things he really doesn't he would.

I've come to view it as something that just is, and hopefully won't be forever, rather than anyone's fault.

JassyRadlett · 25/01/2018 14:12

Even if your children don't like something, they have to eat what you give them.

Except that... some don't.

I used to think like that, TBH. I'm sure I was horribly judgemental. Then DS was quite poorly when he was around 1. He had trouble keeping food down for a month, and a very sore throat to go with it. After that he pretty much stopped eating solids. And it's been bloody hard graft since then to get him back to eating a reasonably healthy diet.

You see, unlike all those people who say a kid will eat if they're hungry enough, my DS won't. Not until he gets to a totally unhealthy level.

It's hard to know what it's like until you've experienced a moment of pure joy because your child has consented to taste something new. Or when he ate a chip and decided to like it, because that makes eating out so much easier. Or when nursery reported home that he likes chicken nuggets, because protein!

He has no SN, as far as we know, although he's always had trouble coping with loud noises (hand dryers, fireworks, that sort of thing).

And situations where he's stressed, or even that are a little unknown or unfamiliar? Forget it. Thankfully most of the times he's been round to a friend's for tea they've been incredibly understanding.

The only thing that has helped has been time, and him getting old enough to understand the mechanics of how his body works, and what it needs. Being able to do deals around how he'll try new things - three bites before he can decide he doesn't like it - and truly understanding that sometimes we all eat things we don't like, or don't feel like, because our bodies need them.

But. It's still a pretty restricted diet, objectively, when you look at meal options. Pasta, rice. Bolognese or chili con carne, as long as it's mild. Sausages, chicken nuggets, peas, sweet corn, carrot (raw or in sauces). He'll give most stews a go, thanks in large part to his time at nursery and their gentle patience with him. (School dinners are total no-go). Soft-boiled eggs with soldiers. He's recently added new potatoes and roast potatoes which is amazing. The only sandwiches are jam, on multigrain bread, with no butter. No cheese, ever.

That said, he's decided he hates chocolate and most sweets now. Which is both good, but also frustrating as it cuts off a quick source of calories...

Most of us with kids like this are trying like hell, OP. Forgive us if we don't give you a list of what we're doing and our breakthroughs and setbacks when our kid pops round for tea.

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