For fussy eaters to drive me crazy?

[MrsPreston11]

Kid in my daughters class (not SEN, that I can sympathise with) is the fussiest eater ever.

To the point I won't have her over for dinner.

Just eats plain pasta, peanut butter sandwiches (has to be certain PB and certain white bread, of course) and chicken nuggets and chips but of course alllll the sweets.

I feel like every fussy kid I've know has had that as their menu.....

I just cannot get my head around it. HOW?

My only assumption is that the parent feeds them what they want for a quiet life. Unfair?

Or am I being totally unreasonable and missing something?

Thanks all.

Appreciate the honesty. She's a sweet kid and I promise I don't exclude her as most meal times we wait for my DH to get home anyway so after school kids only stay until 5pm and we eat at 6pm.

Sounds a hard situation to be in. The mum of this child turns up to school drinking redbull at 8:30am and smoking, so I guess I found it easy to lay all the blame on her.

I do hope she grows out of it though, as it can't be goos to have that limited nutrition.

And I agree with posters who say it's more important that the child is otherwise nice and polite and that your child gets on well with them than that they eat easily. I'd happily tolerate (indeed welcome) any fussy eater who was a sweet, nice, kind child. It's the ones who misbehave (and I am relaxed as can be about 4/5 year olds but WOW some of them are naughty when they're out of sight of their own parents) or the ones who are mean to my DD at school in subsequent weeks that are the ones I will refuse to have back.

Plain pasta, or even toast, not reomtely bothered.

It's nice to have an easy eater but it's not remotely the be all and end all. My niece eats everything and anything but she's frankly a pain in the arse to have over because she's domineering, bored all the time and only wants to TV. She'll eat anything you throw at her though!

ShastaTrinity, curiously it's not true that there are no fussy eaters in poor countries. My DM spends 3 months a year in West Africa and they're well capable of being fussy. They think they haven't eaten if they haven't been given rice to eat.

Re the OP, I have a very fussy eater, it's very hard to cope with. DD1 (8) moans constantly if she's given something she doesn't like, she has Sensory Processing Disorder. But if you're only having fussy eaters for occasional play dates then why does it hurt to cook something they like?

I now have a fussy 5 year old...which is baffling because until she started school she ate anything. Now she won't eat any other meat except chicken, and there are lots of things she will latch on to like peppers & cucumber.

I'm nearly 30 & there are some things I can't eat. Note can't - not because of allergies but because the texture of them literally has me gipping. There are so many foods I'd love to be able to eat because i like the taste...but the feel of them in my mouth has me diving for the loo. I can fully understand some kids having food aversions tbh!! It isn't about parents pandering; if your kid vomits or gips at food in their mouth wtf would you force them to eat it?

fussy eaters are born not made. Discuss!!

YABVU

But regarding the french non fussy kids: i was an au pair a million thirty years ago in France and one of my charges was the fussiest eater i have ever come across. Her mother was a superb cook and very adventurous but this little girl would pick at whatever she was given but hoover any sweets that came her way. She is now a lovely adult (and mother to an unfussy eater!) And loves food and cooking. Still struggles with that sweet tooth though - fussy eaters do exist in other cultures and are just as irritating

YOure being unreasonable. I have 4 kids, 3 eat everything I serve them and 1 is so fussy. He’s not the youngest so it’s not that I changed how I feed them - he’s just always been fussing and weaning him was a nightmare. If I don’t let him have some of what he likes he will literally not eat to the point he is too weak to play and would just sit on my knee all day.

I used to think like you though - I’ve always expected my kids to eat a healthy balanced diet and not complain (too much) but number 3 has made me realise it’s not always the parents fault.

As a nation we are dysfunctional in our attitudes to food, drink and alcohol. Over eating, under eating, faddy eating, fussy eating, binge drinking etc etc are all part of it.
On a personal level I can’t cope with fussy eaters. Everyone is allowed a couple of food dislikes. But that’s it.

Gosh host a playdate, why haven't I thought to do that in the last 14 yrs.

There's a reason why all the 'safe' foods are so similar for so many people. Doesn't take a genius to work that out really. Consistently exactly the same, consistently the same colour, consistently the same texture, consistently the same taste (until they change the recipe and the fussy eater can tell by one sniff). Unlike home made foods where spag bol in one house will vary wildly to spag bol in another house/at school.

Also should add that in any new situations, like other people’s houses, holidays etc then the fussiness is at its worst. At home I can manage to get him to eat some fruit and veg.

Well this is what I do with the whole 'my children will see me not give other child vegetables and think that's acceptable':

I have a very fussy DS1 aged 8 and a DS2 aged 4 who is normal-fussy. When the 4-year-old sees his brother not have peas, he has said (once) 'Why do I have peas and DS1 doesn't? That's not fair!' I just replied 'But you like peas, and DS1 doesn't, so he has red pepper [that he will eat] instead.' DS2 is then invariably incensed that DS1 has something he does not and asks for pepper too!

Just explain to your kids. They understand this stuff. 'X doesn't eat that, but you do, and it's great you do as it's so good for you.'

I presume that you only have the child over occasionally. Surely you would only have her over for a meal once in a while?

Serve the kids chicken nuggets and plain pasta for the meal that they share with that child. You can put out vegetables and sauce in a separate bowl for those who like them to help themselves. Even if they ignore those, a meal like that really won't harm your kids just once in a while.

My DD2 was the fussiest of my three. She would have lived and breathed spaghetti bolognese for years if she could have. She did sometimes eat other things and had no problems with them, but she was just such a drama queen and a whinge. There was nothing wrong with her, no special needs. She just was like that at mealtimes and it was a total PITA.

She is a healthy 19 year old now who eats pretty well and has no issues.

It is something parents of fussy eaters have to go through. Being judged by others isn't helpful.

Of course you don’t have to have accommodate her but it would be a kind thing to do. Those acts of thoughtfulness can have a huge and lasting impact on a child. Both your little one and her guest would, on some level, see that and hopefully pass it on one day.

Not to mention that they would probably be super pleased just to play together and enjoy each other’s company!

Yes it’s annoying but I have 2 DD, brought up and weaned exactly the same (baby led weaning) and one of them is the fussiest eater. She very rarely eats anything at all for dinner apart from curly chips, sometimes beans or toast. I dish her up the same as the rest of the family every night but she just won’t eat it. I do not pander to her fussiness, apart from occasionally adding one of the items I know she will eat alongside a serving of what we’re having. Just cook what you know she likes, it’s not very often. Imagine what it’s like for her parents

I never want the fussy ones back.

Why do people care? Honestly, I can't figure it out. If a visiting child doesn't clear their plate, what is the impact on you?

It's like people who are insulted if their dinner guests don't clear their plates or don't take something of everything on offer because they're not keen on it.

I have a word with any parents who have my son round to play - he's difficult with food, don't worry if he doesn't eat, it's honestly fine.

Thankfully the parents of kids at his school seem to be nicer - or less bound up in seeing food as having other meanings - as some PPs; who I imagine stress visiting kids who struggle with different foods out quite considerably with their attitudes.

I do hope she grows out of it though, as it can't be goos to have that limited nutrition

It's not good and for those who try their hardest we get to worry about this every day as our kids don't grow as fast and look pale or have virtually zero intake of some nutrient or another or more likely multiple ones. Drs don't give a shit unless your child is actually losing weight, there's no help or support from professionals unless you're very lucky, it's horribly stressful every day and everyone assumes you do it for a quiet life. Ha!

How do you know that she doesn’t have SEN?

Bit goady really OP.

but that limited diet doesn't seem to include crisps, fish fingers and other frozen junk food, chocolate and sweets

I'm a fussy eater, partly due to a dodgy digestive system and partly because I know what I like and don't like, but my diet certainly isn't limited to anything like that!

My dd (9) was a fussy eater from almost the word go. She went through different phases eg her Greek yoghurt phase, her toast phase etc. Fussy eaters are indeed born, not made. She is 9 but will only eat food that she likes. So she will eat my spag Bol but not that from another parent if she doesn’t like the taste. She has some mild sensory issues and wouldn’t eat hard solid food or lumps (apart from toast and pasta) until she was 2.5 which is when she finally ate a nugget. I cried as that meant I could take her out for lunch sometimes. I have slowly increased her repertoire of foods and she now eats a range of vegetables and limited dishes but enough for a balanced diet.

If you've never been sat in tears begging your child who is also in tears to ' just try one pea' then you don't understand.
And If you think all of this is a reflection on my parenting then you also do not understand.

This.

🍿

I have three children. Two eat most things, one is quite fussy. She absolutely hates things lime chicken nuggets, fish fingers, burgers though. She eats no meat other than chorizo, pepperami and sometimes ham. I can see her being pescatarian when she's older, she loves tuna. On an average week she will eat as her evening meals

A noodle broth
Pizza (homemade)
Tuna wrap
Crackers with cheese, olives, cucumber and gherkins
Quiche with fries and peas
Tuna pasta
Then once a week we have a treat like subway and she often has the pizza baguette with olives as extra.

At school she often has a sandwich (even though she's on school meals) as anything like lasagne, rice meals, stew, casserole, chilli, curry etc is a definite no. She has trued eating food like that and gags, she doesn't like it.

I'm quite lucky that whilst my daughter is fussy and doesn't eat a wide range of food what she does eat is pretty good. She isn't great with veg (only eats peas and cucumber but tries others) but eats watermelon, banana, pineapple and apples happily. Also likes smoothies.

So I have to disagree, not all fussy eaters eat all beige food. If we go to McDonald's dd has a burger...with no burger she has the bread with cheese and extra gherkins! Seems a waste but they enjoy the novelty of it. My other dd has chicken nuggets but only eats the chicken, she doesn't like the batter so 'peels' them. I'm not telling her off for that, she wants the good bit!

I will agree though that some "fussy eaters" are that way for the parents easy life. I regularly offer new things to dd and she always is willing to try. Id happily eat junk all day every day but know I can't, a child doesn't fully understand why they shouldn't so will of course try it on