For fussy eaters to drive me crazy?

[MrsPreston11]

Kid in my daughters class (not SEN, that I can sympathise with) is the fussiest eater ever.

To the point I won't have her over for dinner.

Just eats plain pasta, peanut butter sandwiches (has to be certain PB and certain white bread, of course) and chicken nuggets and chips but of course alllll the sweets.

I feel like every fussy kid I've know has had that as their menu.....

I just cannot get my head around it. HOW?

My only assumption is that the parent feeds them what they want for a quiet life. Unfair?

Or am I being totally unreasonable and missing something?

YABU. Just because YOUR children aren't fussy eaters doesn't mean you're a better parent. I've seen this smugness before, it's really annoying. Why can't you give the child something you know he will eat?
It's so easy to just make him some pasta and cut him some slack. Would you eat something you don't like?

It was after I'd specially driven across town to Morrison's to buy exacttly the right brand of cheese and tomato pizza for ds2's fussymate#1 only to have it rejected because I'd cut it into 6ths not quarters that I decided I was not doing it (attempting to feed this child) any more.

Why ever did you do all that? If I’d asked what they eat and was told something very specific and not easily obtainable, I’d ask if they could send it with their child. Most parents of fussy children would be happy to oblige.

But you said fussy eaters aren’t invited back. You’ve since clarified that was for meals, rather than full stop. Are you basing all kids on that one experience?

My son was a reflux baby, he threw up a lot, and has always had sensory issues with food (some textures made him gag), his trusted foods included plain pasta, chicken nuggets and bread.

It has been a life's work to get him to eat a healthy variety of foods, and especially the "normal" foods he was likely to get at other people's homes like spag bol, curry or chilli (mixed texture hell!)

Seriously, it has taken me years of gentle encouragement and effort. He is now 15 and eats most things (but still struggles with mash), and even.does food tech for gcse

But if you never had a child like that, you would not understand, I guess?

Even if your children don't like something, they have to eat what you give them

FFS..You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about here. You really think it's that simple? You don't think we've tried all the numerous different approaches to get them to eat lots of different things? If I gave my DD something she doesn't like she would literally vomit at the table. Why would I want to traumatize my child like that and set her on the road to an eating disorder(possibly) when I could just make her the tuna pasta I know she likes, even if she had the same last night.

Really poor countries don't seem to have the concept of funny eaters funnily enough.

Ds probably wouldn't have survived his birth in a very poor country, let alone made it to adulthood. People that say this have no actual evidence of diet, restricted eating, prevalence of additional needs etc in the 'poor countries' they vaguely refer to. It's just a good stick to beat people with.

My ds's diet lacks many nutrients, so he has prescribed drinks.

Actually for anyone interested or who's children have a restrictive diet, there has been some studies done and a link has been made between babies born with the cord wrapped around their necks (as mine was) and babies who suffered severe GERD (as mine did). This was also the case of another child I know who also suffers with ARFID.

My pair went though the same baby led weaning process at the same time but now aged 8 have very different eating habits, one loves fish and the other will not touch it and the other eats mosts things but really doesn't like cheese in any form. I have concluded that you can take a child to the table but you cannot make them eat. Neither are fussy eaters they can both choose three things that will not be cooked and out in front on them and have to eat a little of everything else but they do not have the same food preferences at all.
I never mind cooking plain food for other kids and tell other parents to do the same avoiding cheese or fish. Play dates often don't involve much eating.

If you've never had a battle, that lasts months or years with a child who gags and throws up if they're forced to eat something they don't want to then you don't understand.
If you've never been sat in tears begging your child who is also in tears to ' just try one pea' then you don't understand.
And If you think all of this is a reflection on my parenting then you also do not understand

OMG your post just brought back some memories for me. This is exactly the way mealtimes were for my DD and I a few years ago, it was horrendous, both of us in tears sometimes and her saying "I'm so sorry mummy I just can't eat it" while gagging. She vomited one day at the table and I just thought, no feck this, I'm done.

Quote: "Really poor countries don't seem to have the concept of funny eaters funnily enough."

You are talking out of your arse, funnily enough

My children were born in a third world country, and spent their first 5-6 years there, and funnily, reflux and fussy eating were just as common as in the UK.

The doctors did definitely not say :"how weird, this does not exist in our country"

Have you ever lived in a "poor country"? Or are you just talking about an.inaginary place where all the poor people are grateful for any food coming their way?

Are poor people in the UK less likely to have fussy eaters?

I have lived in really poor communities (ie the ones whose children never get near a doctor) in developing countries and I'd say that there is a really strong selective pressure not to be fussy about food (esp any bits of protein that come your way). When even kids who'll eat anything die of common diseases made worse by malnutrition, those who won't eat this or that really stand no chance.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail

I did leave a "poor country" to find work in the UK if you are that interested, half of my family still lives there as it happens.

I don't really care if people find all sorts of excuses for their fussy eaters, it's their own life they make difficult, not mine! It's a concept that simply doesn't exist in some parts of the world, even when people have enough food.

I don't think it makes people better parents, just less patients because they can't be bothered with that nonsense. It only becomes sad when the kids eat only junk food. It's not healthy.

It's a concept that simply doesn't exist in some parts of the world, even when people have enough food. vagueness and your own personal experience of your circle in the country you moved from doesn't mean that there is no such thing as fussy eating, restricted eating or eating disorders - it just fits in with your own views.

My child's restricted eating is tied in with his genetic condition. It is really bloody hard to live with, hard to ensure he is healthy, hard to not create an atmosphere of anxiety over. Excuses, excuses eh?

I didn't even start with fussy adults as that is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. If you're in your 30s eat some damn veg!

Why so judgemental? What other adults eat doesn’t concern you unless you’re having them over for dinner, in which case you have two choices: cater for them or accept they probably won’t come.

I’m a very fussy eater and I’m nearly in my thirties. I just don’t like a lot of foods and have problems eating a lot due to taste and texture. It doesn’t impact anyone else; if I don’t like what someone is cooking I just don’t go round to their house unless they offer me an alternative (and I’m happy if they don’t want to or are not willing to).

Thankfully all my friends and family are happy to cater to me as they’re understanding and not judgemental.

I don't really care if people find all sorts of excuses for their fussy eaters, it's their own life they make difficult, not mine! It's a concept that simply doesn't exist in some parts of the world, even when people have enough food.

I totally agree with all of this and I think it's part of a culture's wider relationship with food which goes beyond simply fussy eating.

But like you say, it doesn't personally effect me what other people feed their children.

hazeyjane
but how many children suffer with the same condition? I totally accept that there is always an exception to everything, but don't tell me that all the British fussy eaters in this country have a genuine medical condition.

In many cases, it really is just excuses, and parents starting by making their their life easier by giving in, they do end up with a much harder life. It's not my problem, just a fact.

I don't think it makes people better parents, just less patients because they can't be bothered with that nonsense.

But you are implying it is their choice....

I am not implying it, and aside the very tiny minority with a medical problem, it "is" a choice. Do you honestly believe that parents of "Non fussy" eaters have little angels who polish their plates regardless of what you put in them?
It's easy to pretend that some parents are "lucky" when really parenting is bloody hard work.

It is annoying when the only stuff that fussy eaters will eat is basically rubbish, it just feels like pandering to a child that only wants to eat crap. But, live and let live. Give the kid what she likes when she comes over and thank your lucky stars that your dc are not like that. I was a very fussy eater as a child, I genuinely hated most foods. My mum would have 'pandered' to it to a degree if let, but my father insisted on my eating what I was given. I was hospitalised when I was little as I was steadily losing weight as I grew. Mealtimes were miserable for me, most food made me feel sick. I don't have sensory issues, l had nothing physically wrong with me, I wasn't spoiled at all, I just hated most foods. I eat everything now, too much in fact as I am overweight now. Yabu I am afraid.

If it was a case of parents giving in more kids in the family would be fussy not just one out of 2/3/4 or whatever.

If I told my child they couldn't have something they would just quietly go hungry. It's zero to do with giving in for an easy life. How is giving in and cooking another, separate meal an easy life?

Do you honestly believe that parents of "Non fussy" eaters have little angels who polish their plates regardless of what you put in them?

Yes. Because I have one of those as well as a fussy fecker

Oh Araminta is a nightmare, she'll only eat broccoli, quinoa and raw beetroot

DD2 is a bit like this - she'll get you to wipe the ice cream off the strawberries if has strawberries and ice cream and she says her favourite food is salad. But she's not fussy, she'll try anything. I'm not being smug though, I didn't make it happen, DD1 is a beige food eater just like her Glaswegian mother.

Anyway another vote here for just feeding the fussy kid whatever they want (possibly also sticking some interesting fruit or veg near their plate in case peer pressure makes them give it a go). All that stuff is to do with anxiety, no point making it worse.

but how many children suffer with the same condition?

In many cases, it really is just excuses

Well no-one really knows yet, even many parents are unaware that their children may well have a medical condition rather than just being 'fussy' because ARFID has not long been recognised by the medical profession, you know a bit like autism a few years back. You're coming across as very ignorant.

I have an incredibly fussy DD but she does eat certain vegetables, most fruit and covers all the food groups. It’s just her diet is restrictive and limited so probably quite dull and boring to most people. Especially since she doesn’t think she likes sweets, chocolate or cake etc (because she won’t try them to know). Hopefully she will grow out of it but she is happy and healthy, which is far more important to me.

It's a concept that simply doesn't exist in some parts of the world

Imagine how people would react if someone said that depression or anxiety didn't exist in some parts of the world!