For fussy eaters to drive me crazy?

[MrsPreston11]

Kid in my daughters class (not SEN, that I can sympathise with) is the fussiest eater ever.

To the point I won't have her over for dinner.

Just eats plain pasta, peanut butter sandwiches (has to be certain PB and certain white bread, of course) and chicken nuggets and chips but of course alllll the sweets.

I feel like every fussy kid I've know has had that as their menu.....

I just cannot get my head around it. HOW?

My only assumption is that the parent feeds them what they want for a quiet life. Unfair?

Or am I being totally unreasonable and missing something?

Do you honestly believe that parents of "Non fussy" eaters have little angels who polish their plates regardless of what you put in them?

Yes. Because I have one of those as well as a fussy fecker

Same here. Only one fussy child and all the rest of the family anywhere between normal and adventurous with food.

It’s amazing people can know that in all the other parts of the world ‘fussiness’ isn’t a thing.

Shasta, ds's particular condition....not many. But there are many genetic conditions which have an element of difficulties around food (restricted eating, over eating, pica etc).....then there are people who have struggles around food due to autism and sensory processing disorder..... there are mental health issues where relationships with food become disordered....and medical conditions and digestive problems at an early stage of life which can lead to children associating food with pain, or who struggle to eat certain textures.

Are you saying that people like those above don't exist in other cultures? Or that they are not 'pandered to'in those cultures? Which cultures/countries are we talking about by the way?

Of course not all people who are 'fussy' have reasons such as those above, It is a pretty normal stage of development to go through a phase of rejecting certain foods, and favouring others, and a child asserting their will over what goes in their mouth! I wouldn't say these are the same things as a person who has a restricted diet, and I think they need a different approach.

It just grates on me when people blithely state, that they would never pander to this sort of thing, roll their eyes at it's very existence and make out that it is a choice made by parents (only Western parents from a particular culture, obviously)

It really isn't as black and white as you are making out.

I was a fussy kid but grew out of it.

But I realise alot of it was not liking what my mum cooked or being deliberately given stuff I didn't like and she knew it.

For example fish fingers. I kind of ate them but one day she bought a brand I didn't like and tasted different and I got a mouthful of bones when I bit into it. It disgusted me. I spat it out and refused to eat fish fingers ever again. It put me off them. I was only about 6-7. I got told I had disgusting manners for spitting food out and she kept serving up fish fingers on the basis I ate them before and has no reason to decide I now didnt like them.

I would happily eat chicken. I didn't like turkey then and I dont like it now. I've never liked turkey. She used to buy turkey nuggets and they tasted horrible. She used to rip the packaging off them after buying them so I couldn't see what it was an me say it was chicken. I knew it wasn't. It was a battle ground every meal time. Me saying i dont like it and mum making me eat them and saying it was chicken. One day in the shop she hid them under something and I pulled them out the trolley. It was turkey.
My sister was in on it and fell about laughing and said in that annoying rhyming sing song voice ha ha ha HA ha, you've been eating turkey. I refused to eat them and mum.said dont start you only think you dislike them now you know they are turkey. Well no....i disliked before I knew for sure they were turkey and always didnt want them.

Apples. I hated them. I hate them now. My mum forced me to eat one every day. I couldn't go to bed unless I ate one. Every day we had this fucking battle over apples. Here's the thing, I liked pears and I liked pineapple. But she forces me daily to eat something I dont like.

I will never understand the battles my mother created over food with me on a daily basis by deliberately serving me thinhs she KNEW I didn't like and knew I would kick up a fuss over instead of serving things I would eat.

It just makes no sense.

It is more of an authoritarian issue for some parents. They apply their logic to children and see it as an authority or disobedience issue when it isnt. I genuinely didnt like the things I refused and with good reason or even no reason for Apple's and turkey. I just dont like them and I didn't need a reason any more than an adult does.

I would have eaten plain pasta with just butter on it too but my mum wouldn't have it as she didn't think it an acceptable meal. Even though I would have eaten carrot sticks etc with it for some veg.

Just feed the bloody kid what they will eat.

It can be a thing in people from poorer countries. They have a restricted diet and are not used to eating unfamiliar foods. My DM had a girl from a country in West Africa, where she often goes to work, come and stay with her in the UK. She literally refused to eat for some time, causing my DM a lot of anxiety and not doing her own health any good. It was of course down to culture shock, but you need to be careful not to be too simplistic.

Do you honestly believe that parents of "Non fussy" eaters have little angels who polish their plates regardless of what you put in them?

Oh and I have 3 children, one eats anything, one is a bit picky but basically eats most stuff and the other has to have fortified drinks as he eats the same limited selection of foods every day. People are all different....who knew!

That sounds awful Newyear, bloody hell.

That sounds awful Newyear, bloody hell.

It was.

She used to cook things my sister would eat. My sister used to bully me too for not eating what I didn't like.

Newsflash. Im not my sister.

My sister has always been the favoured one into adulthood but that is for another thread

My dd has one friend who is a FE and I go to great lengths to make the same pasta sauce with the same pasta shapes that she likes to eat..... only to dish it up and be told she only likes it served SEPARATELY!!!!!????

I can sympathise. My parents would insist I ate all the meat on plate, even the fatty gristle bits. Fast forward: I’ve been a vegetarian for 25 years.

How strange that most fussy eater only eat "treat foods" (pizza, pasta, biscuits, bread, sweets)... I mean, how big a coincidence is it.
If it is a genuine dislike / sensory issue I would expect the "accepted food" to be a mix of healthy and treat food, why not??

I have three kids and one is terribly 'fussy'. Ignorant and judgemental people (extended family, their friends' parents etc) made life stressful for him and me, and really quite depressing. I overheard one parent describing him as a 'pain in the arse to feed' and she 'not having him for tea again' to another, as the second parent was picking him up for a playdate after school (I was there to collect another child). It was so upsetting. Before the tea in question I'd explained, with great embarrassment, what he would eat. She listened attentively and said it would be fine. Then as a 'treat' she decided to get in delivery pizza. A food I had told her he wouldn't eat.

He was diagnosed with autism at 11. PizzaBitchFace Mum obviously never apologised for being a git.

I tried to get help but there's not a lot available. We had a stupid referral to CAHMS who told me he didn't fit their threshold. I knew that - he wasn't unhappy about it but he did want to stop vomiting at the table. They had no idea where I could even pay to get help. Utterly shit.

How strange that most fussy eater only eat "treat foods" (pizza, pasta, biscuits, bread, sweets)... I mean, how big a coincidence is it.

Not true.

Did you read my post?

I would eat chicken but not turkey.

I would eat pear but not apples.

None of those are junk foods.

My mother just continued to dish up what she and my sister would eat knowing I didn't like it as they were both a pair of belligerent bitches. Selfish too.

Welcome to my life. I have two fussy eaters and it drives me bonkers. They were weaned on sweet potato, avocado and healthy stuff like that now all they’ll eat is chicken nuggets & chips and pasta. No idea where I went wrong

How strange that most fussy eater only eat "treat foods" (pizza, pasta, biscuits, bread, sweets)

Where are you getting that from? My restrictive eater likes veg and fruit, dislikes biscuits and cake and I'd be delighted if he ate chicken nuggets or fish fingers because at least he'd be getting some protein. And I wouldn't class bread and pasta as treat foods, they're just normal food staples that most people eat surely .

With you there @NoMoreUsernames. My son doesn't like cake, or icing, and is very picky about sweets.

Pasta, bread and potatoes are just staples, not 'treat' food. Fortunately for me, my son does eat these things (unless there are bits in the bread, obviously).

Yabu - you don't know WHY and if the child is still quite young they may have as yet undiagnosed Sen.

My Dn was a very fussy eater for all of primary until about 2nd year at high school. He'd had an illness when he was around 4 that made eating very painful and certain foods made him vomit/get diarrhoea so he understandably developed what was basically a phobia of most foods. With a lot of input from SALT and therapists he now eats a fairly normal diet but is still not a big eater, still gets anxious at mealtimes and doesn't do things like going to McDonald's with friends.

I was a "fussy eater" as a child, mainly with meat. I'm now veggie, a choice I made for ethical reasons but which was easy as I saw it as I 'never really liked' meat. As soon as I stopped eating meat various stomach and other symptoms I had throughout childhood pretty much stopped overnight. This was 70's/80's we now know far more about food intolerances/allergies.

My dd often gets the look because she doesn't like chips and isn't overly keen on chocolate - never has been.

Do YOU eat every food available? Everyone has foods they don't like yet for some bizarre reason we seem to think children aren't allowed to have likes/dislikes.

There was a tv show used to be on about adult fussy eaters. Every one of them had a very understandable reason that sometimes they didn't know about that was the cause of their fussiness. In some cases illness when little like my Dn, in some undiagnosed Sen or allergies/intolerances, in a few parents or grandparents who'd lost patience early on in the fussiness and tried to sometimes literally force them to eat certain foods which of course made the situation worse. If I remember correctly one had something like a slightly dislocated jaw bone that had gone undiagnosed for years that made chewing painful and nobody believed them.

I'm also not convinced there aren't fussy eaters in other countries. I've lived overseas and met and heard of children and adults who are particular about their food, also I rather suspect fussy eaters in developing countries simply don't survive but because there's so many other issues going on there (dirty water, disease, drought) that it's quite possible their deaths are attributed to those reasons. Plus in very poor countries there isn't exactly great services or record keeping - so the truth is we don't know!

Then your comment about mum having red bull, I'm no fan of energy drinks but you've still not said how old the child is and this suggests to me mum is struggling possibly with a child that doesn't sleep well - which can also be indicative of some Sen. A friend of mines son is autistic before diagnosis and therefore receiving some support she was drinking loads of black coffee just to stay awake to do her job!

The fact is you don't know why the child has problems with certain foods and it doesn't sound too difficult to accommodate her to be honest.

How strange that most fussy eater only eat "treat foods" (pizza, pasta, biscuits, bread, sweets)

That's really not true. DD1 likes apples and grapes but not pears or oranges. She likes jacket potatoes but not boiled or mashed potatoes. She doesn't like jam but she does like honey. Work that one out, I've given up trying.

Dd3 can be a bit picky but knows that at friend's house it's tough and you eat what you're served or go hungry. She won't starve for one meal. DC of fussy eaters tend to be the same parents who have dc who "won't drink water because they don't like it" 🙄 next they'll tell me precious dc isn't keen on breathing.

I'm a tough dm - dc must eat 3 full mouthfuls of new food before making a decision

1. you brain expects a flavour and may not get what it expects
2. brain now knows what to expect so needs to taste without the surprise
3. now brain has all the information to decide if it likes the food

If my dc get to 3 and say they really don't like it then I won't make them try again for a long time (a year maybe depending on what it is).

My DS2 is picky as you say. No idea why. He does eat things other than chicken nuggets (although mcdonalds are his favourite!) food has to be dry and not touching each other on the plate.

I do get a balanced diet in him and I have an older and younger child who will eat anything so it isn't a case of giving him what he wants. I do serve a meal and as long as it doesn't contain sauce of any variety he will eat what he likes and leaves what he doesn't want. Sometimes I have to slightly vary the meal to his tastes.

I have tried everything. Maybe he will grow out of it, maybe he won't. He likes a lot of raw veg than cooked. He likes crunch to his food I think and nothing soggy and wet.

My kid likes biscuits - coconut rings thats it, bread only brown and seeded, hates pasta also pizza because he doesn't like cheese or tomato sauce - that includes ketchup.

I think the pasta is too squishy, same with mash. He is not keen with chips other than fries as the middle is too squishy. Jacket potatoes - err err!

It is very very hard but I am getting there. Understandably he LOVES toast. Just need a topping other than jam. He does like boiled eggs though and very very dry scrambled egg.

Having had friends who have fucked up attitudes to foods i refuse to force DD into things. She's gone backwards - used to eat seafood, lots of fruit & veg - but now she has started asking to try stuff that i am prepping.

I think sometimes people think parents are 'pandering' when in fact they are remember how shit food experiences were for them. Every person will have foods they won't eat. Unless you eat everything you are ever offered then realistically you have no grounds to judge

Its just weird how all these fussy eaters can only ever seem to manage eating absolute crap like frozen oven food.

Weird how you never meet a fussy eater who only likes vegetables and fruit...

I've spent many years trying to expand my fussy eater's range of accepted food. He's a teenager now. His siblings are fine and will have a go at most things. Ive done the hidden veg, gp, dietician, rewards, you name it. It's a lost cause. He has some sensory quirks anyway and simply can't tolerate trying a lot of foods. I've learned to pick my battles. Have to say though OP it never stopped him getting invites. Parents were kind and either let him have what he wanted ( glass of water on some occasions) or dry bread. I'd have hated anyone to be hassled at the thought of hosting him.

I'm with you OK, just eat it, it's not going to hurt you. Parents with fussy kids, they'll soon eat once the realise there's no choice and they get hungry! Try it.