To think this is quite rude? I paid for her £72.34 shopping.

[LilacBearberry]

I work part-time in a supermarket and it was someone's last shift. I do have a gift for her at home (as she didn't know her leaving date) but I told her to grab a few bits and I'll treat her (I didn't know what else to do).

The shopping came to £72.34! She then goes "thanks so much".

She also knows I'm a student :(

Maybe it's my fault for doing what I did, but don't you think that's quite rude?

I'm in my forties and work in retail and am appalled at that woman's behaviour. She should be ashamed to take advantage of anyone like that ever let alone a much younger colleague.
Send her a link to this thread and let the horrible woman see her behaviour is disgusting.

I'd text back:

Yes, I was offering you a gift - a bottle of wine or some chocolates. Not the opportunity to take advantage of me. If you're OK with me being really disappointed about this, then let's just leave it. Lilac.

'Bullies rely on silence and shame as a tactic. She was hoping to embarrass the OP into keeping quiet about it.'

This. And it is what CFers are: bullies. If you start seeing them as that, it becomes easier over time to learn to stand up to them. They're not friends, they're not people who care about you, they will ultimately always serve their own ends first because they believe they count first and foremost.

Despite her last text I would still ask her for most of the money back. I bet you will feel a lot better if you get most of it back.

BTW. It's great that you have 'proof' about what happened in the texts.

I'd ignore her last text and go ahead and ask for most of the money back. You've nothing to lose.

'I'm glad you've realized that £70 is way to much for me to have spent on your shopping - I would be grateful if you could return £60 to me. I'm sure you agree that a £10 leaving gift is generous enough as it is.

Keep it short and simple.

Yes exactly what tickytacky says.

Ticky's suggestion is great - you have nothing to lose.

I would of been like " is it a millionaire you think I am royally feck off". What a cheeky cow she well and truly saw you coming .

I'd ask for £60 back too and say as a student you don't spend that much on a present for yourself or family so certainly wasn't offering that to a work colleague as it's far above the norm for a leaving present. Horrible person she is.

I'd also speak to your manager as she might be able to put a note on any reference, even if it's not direct. It might affect her future employment. This is the last card I'd play after trying to get my money back other ways first. Then I'd put nails under tyres if no joy.

I think you need to involve your manager in this. You only work there part-time - normally that would lead you to pay £5 or at the VERY MOST £10 (if you were particularly friendly) if you were buying her a present.

Everyone knows that - particularly her, at her age. You say it's not common for people to even chip in for a present - go to your manager now. It's disgraceful that she's cost you that much money.

I agree with MyBrilliantDisguise and other pps that you really need to involve your manger in this.

If only the enforceable outcome is that this awful woman is not given a glowing reference by your manager if she is kept in the dark

cheeky fucker

You really think think will affect an employment reference

I can't believe her reply! This has left me

I was sure that as I read through the posts you would reveal that she had misunderstood and thought you were somehow in a position to write off the shop . I'm my mind that is the only possible reason someone would get that amount of shopping when someone's offers the chance.

I think there is a big lesson for you to learn here. You need to get much better at saying no. I had a similar situation where it became clear I had been invited out with a work mate because she wanted me to pay for her drinks and hold her bag while she danced with her other friends. It was horrid.

Depends on the type of reference. Some are more standard than others.

Thing is, people talk. I know of a situation where a CF's previous manager knew her new manager professionally and socially. They got on the phone to each other before CF started her job, and the manager-to-be said, "Okay, what's CF really like?" The old manager said he wouldn't employ her again and listed various reasons why - one of which highlighted shocking laziness. He was only obliged to give a standard reference: CF worked here for 2 years. CF has had X number of sick days in the past 12 months, etc.

The CF didn't last beyond her three-month probation period in her new job. Her new manager learnt a hard lesson too: check references before you offer someone the job!

I also know a situation where someone wanted to know what a potential recruit was really like. This was easy enough to do as the potential recruit used to work in the same firm as the recruiter's brother-in-law.

The world is small enough for cheeky fuckery to catch up with Cheeky Fuckers.

Please ask for the money back

So she got individual gifts from everyone and then £72 worth of shopping out of you? Wow. Lush.
I dont think you can do much now unless you have her number- if you do text her saying ‘hi, caught in the moment i have spent more than intended today and am in a bit if a pickle right now. Can i please ask for £40 back- wouldn’t ask if it wasnt urgent. Hope you understand xx’. I doubt you get anything back though.

Have you replied?

Ask for £70 back, not £40!

"saying how it seemed like a small shop to her, although "to someone young"" Gosh how patronizing! She's really adding insult to injury!

If she had any decency, she would have offered the money back by now. But she obviously has no shame.

Can’t believe your work colleague did this. CF to the highest degree.

Taking advantage of your good nature, who would do such a thing!

Bloody unbelievable

But seeing her reply to you it’s obvious she doesn’t give a toss.

You live and learn.