To find my gentle parenting friends infuriating?

[Littlemissmuff]

NC as this may be outing.

I have 3 friends, all have toddlers between 2 and 3 years old.
Our children play together frequently and their parenting style is driving me mad.
One of them literally never says no to her son, he can hit our childre or destroy something but instead she insists on talking nicely to him even though he is definitely not listening.
Another one has a huge moan several times a day about how tired she is and she fed up of her toddler getting her up all night to breastfeed; however won't do anything about it and won't take any suggestions such as water or night weaning and states that it is cruel and our roles as mothers are to cuddle our children all night if we have to if that's what they demand even at age 3.
I don't care how they parent their child but I do when it's affecting my son, he is forever getting pushed about by these kids now and he is constantly seeing them doing really dangerous behaviour and "risk taking" without any parent intervention which then makes me look awful to him if i tell him no if he tries to copy them climbing on to the TV stand or windowsill.
I don't know what research shows, but my god these children are so much more naughty than any other children I know.
Aibu to end our playdates even though it might end our friendship?

"Oi, butts off the couch and out"

I wouldn't speak to my OH or other family members in such a tone.
Children deserve no less respect.

Great, but it isn't quite what I was talking about. Sometimes they are going to need to do what they are told, simply because they are told to do it.

Yes and children are far more likely to be biddable when they respect their parents.

I don't want to raise children who can't accept reasonable instruction from a reasonable source.

You and me both.

Well I'm sure no parents punish their children when there is no need. I simply don't believe 'gentle' parents when they say that their children never refuse to do what they are asked. If you have very compliant children then good for you but ime the most compliant children are those who are scared not those parented gently. Kids of gentle parents ime will generally push boundaries more and negotiate more. Maybe good life skills but arguing their case with adults doesn't tend to go down as well at school.

One of these 'gently parented' kids has been bullying my child and lying to his parents about it. They believe every word he says, and I like them, so rather than spoil our relationship I'm just making sure that mine is well out of his way. I doubt if I'll be the only one.

I can only speak for my own experience using NVC " gentle parenting" with my own children. I can assure you my children are not scared.
It has been hard work, but the results are amazing.

It is that not a danger when you are teaching them that all instructions will be preceded by Entertainment with Speakout?

Children grow up. They come to realise why being on time is a good thing.

I was also wondering that. What happens at school when they have to go back in after break? Do the staff need to break out a dance routine so they do as they're told?

I was also wondering that. What happens at school when they have to go back in after break? Do the staff need to break out a dance routine so they do as they're told?

I doubt it. But it isn't needed.

They don’t. A sing and dance isn’t necessary by the time they are starting school. They’ve learnt that some stuff are non négociable and have to be done.
The difference is that they haven’t learnt through fear (of punishment) or by force. So they are actually more likely to actually do what they are asked to do.

As for the teaching them to do whatever their manager is telling them to do....
Well yes and NO. The last thing I’m going to teach my children is to do what an authority figure is telling them to do just because. I want them to be critical and be true to their beliefs/morals. If that authority figure is asking them to do something that isn’t right or is treating them like crap, I’m not sure why they should have to obey them....

TBH it’s interesting to see that so many peole are completely disbelieving that it’s possible to have children who obey because they want to rather than out of fear of a punishment.

Serioulsy, it works.

They're 10/11 by the way, so no toddlers - the parents have 'gently parented' their way to having a bully on their hands.

*TBH it’s interesting to see that so many peole are completely disbelieving that it’s possible to have children who obey because they want to rather than out of fear of a punishment.
*

It's quite sad really.

Being 'critical' has a time and a place and is inappropriate at other times. I disagree with lots of things I am asked to do at work; it isn't always my place to argue with my manager, and often, if I did, it would simply make me look argumentative, as what I am being asked to do - whether I agree with it or not - is based on a decision made at their level, not mine.
This.

But you see it at school too. There are a number of parents who love to present simple rules such as 'wear the uniform' or 'follow the class entry routine' meanings blindly following rules abd obeying authority and any sanctions like detentions are pointless and they don't want their child being disciplined because it's they don't believe in sanctions.

The respect part of it is huge. I'm not commenting on whether other people's kids respect them but I find that teaching positive interactions with other human beings pretty much always comes down to respect and empathy.

If we need to leave the house to get to school/the doctor/Grandma/whatever, we have a pre-arranged appointment and we respect the person who is waiting for us, so we don't mess around and become late for them. This principle applies pretty much everywhere.

But they don't follow instructions because 'what Mum says goes.' (I can't stand it when parents say 'because I said so'.)
They follow instructions because respect and empathy for others has been deeply ingrained in them because the important adults in their home lives respect and empathise with them.

The respect part of it is huge. I'm not commenting on whether other people's kids respect them but I find that teaching positive interactions with other human beings pretty much always comes down to respect and empathy.

If we need to leave the house to get to school/the doctor/Grandma/whatever, we have a pre-arranged appointment and we respect the person who is waiting for us, so we don't mess around and become late for them. This principle applies pretty much everywhere.

But they don't follow instructions because 'what Mum says goes.' (I can't stand it when parents say 'because I said so'.)
They follow instructions because respect and empathy for others has been deeply ingrained in them because the important adults in their home lives respect and empathise with them.

Yanbu. Gentle parenting isn't about not setting boundaries and saying no, how ridiculous.

I pretty much do gentle parenting, I guess. We don't do rewards/punishments. I very rarely shout at my sons. I coslept as babies, and they are always welcome in our bed. I do however, say no. If they throw sand when at the park, they are given a warning, if they do it again, immediately removed from the situation and we go home etc so it's not like they don't have boundaries.

I do sort of mix in more tradition methods with that, for instance I am about to night wean my 18 month old because I'm sick to shit of getting of up every 2 hours to feed him, and I've not got one tit two sizes bigger than the other. Hitting/spitting and swearing and absolute deal breakers in my house. If any of that happens then they go and sit on the bottom stair.