AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10 as a gift?

[roconnell]

DP and I have received an evening invitation from one of my friends from uni, who I was fairly close to at the time, but haven't seen for over a year. DP has never met this friend or their soon to be spouse.

The invitation has come with one of those poems, along the lines of 'we have everything we could possibly need, but a little extra cash would be great,' type thing.
The issue is we could literally only afford £10 max. I'm part way through a masters degree and surviving mostly off a loan, and DP is also a student, and works part time in a very low paying job. AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10, or would it be better to just give nothing?

Ten pound is great. If they are getting married for cash they shouldn't be getting married anyway !

Don't stress about it.

I think you should speak to her and say you're seriously skint. Any person who's worth your friendship will say tell you not to give anything (and genuinely mean it). If she gives the impression of being disappointed then she's a scumbag and just don't go.
I think it's rude to ask for money for a wedding personally..

Donate the money to a charity you'd think she'd like and write in the card that you have made a donation to so and so charity on their behalf as a present

£10 is fine. Several of our guests (all day and evening) gave nothing as they were skint. We're still friends over a decade later.

Yankee candle do a wedding day candle looks more personal than cash though might cost you slightly more than a tenner

To be honest all this wedding palava has become a ridiculous 'industry'.
It's supposed to be about two people being joined in matrimony because they love each other not about who can upstage everyone else, and silly poems included in wedding invites just boil my p* I got one from a close relative once and because she had run out of chances with me anyway due to her selfish behaviour previously we didn't even go to the wedding and she certainly didn't get any money. It just summed her up to a tee - sorry I'm just having a rant - obviously a sore point with me.

I don't understand why so many are telling OP to not go to the wedding and celebrate with an old mate. I have loads of old friends who I see infrequently due to distance/general life stuff. But an invite to a wedding is special and a good excuse to catch up.

I’ve got my best friend of 24 years wedding on Saturday. With costs etc I literally cannot afford a penny so I won’t be getting her a gift until I can afford to. I’ve explained that and she cares more about my presence than my present. Explain if you feel uncomfortable, people are very understanding

Why on earth would you waste money on a Yankee candle instead of sticking a tenner in a card. If they are good friends they would be extremely grateful for a tenner in a card, not so much about a candle that would cost more and potentially never be used.

When we got married we didn’t have a gift list we really did just want people to come and celebrate with us. We got some gifts which were lovely plus lots of cards some with £10 or £20 in but many with nothing in.

If it was me I would be really pleased that you had managed to attend and wouldn’t care if you had put money in or not x

Good luck with your interview

Awarding winning Lidl Champagne £9.99...+ 99p bottle bag ...great present.

Only if they like champagne.

If I were to receive £10 gift I’d think that was ok but I probably wouldn’t want to give that as a gift and would prefer to buy something (not so obvious it was £10). There’s lots of little craft places that make personalised frames, plaques, even thinking ahead & an “our first Xmas”
Bauble for the tree personalised.

Don’t discount the bottle idea. We got quite few bottles of champagne from our evening guests. £10.99 bottle of champagne from Aldi. Actually really nice, looks more expensive than that and in keeping with the theme. Do go, am sure they would feel awful if they knew you weren’t coming due to this xxx

As an evening only guest I have oy ever bought presecco and never got a gift as such.i think they are cf for including the money poem in an evening invitation personally.

If I'm invited to an evening do, the cou0le get a nice photo frame.

Oh and I didn't send gift lists for evening guests. I didn't want to send them for day guests but I upset people who wanted one.

Lidl champagne £9.99...+ 99p bottle bag ... great present
Or completely pointless and total waste of money. Not everyone likes champagne, or even drinks alcohol.

Hello, what I would do is give a Waitrose or M&S gift card for £10 and put that in a card. They can go and get a nice bottle of wine with it later on. To the idiot who said that £10 is not enough needs to learn a lot about life. Hope you have a lovely time 🌸

Quite a few of our wedding guests didn't give us a gift or card, but I honestly did not care. We didn't invite them for that. We were thrilled they came to celebrate with us and appreciated the travel and everything else associated with attending a wedding. I think £10 or even just a card is lovely. Like others have said prosecco, champagne (£10 ones from Lidl and aldi are good!) also good options if you don't want to bring nothing but I really don't think you should worry x

don’t forget, weddings cost £25,000 upwards so its not like £10 is mega bucks in this circumstance

This has to be my favourite comment of the whole thread. How does the cost of the wedding have any bearing on how much of a “ gift” I choose to give? The event is supposed to be a celebration of the union of 2 people. If they decide to spend thousands of pounds shipping in caviar from Siberia it makes absolutely no difference to me.... my financial situation remains the same, my fondness for them remains the same. The idea that my gift should be governed by their desire to experience a particular type of day is ridiculous. Thankfully my friends know me and my financial situation ( because we’re friends) and would never judge me for the generosity of my gift etc. Personally I love the idea of the CD Mixtape with significant songs from your life together - or something along those lines.

We didn't ask for anything or expect anything but quite a few of our friends gave us £10 (some daytime, some evening) we were very grateful. A year and a half later I don't really remember whether people gave £10, £20 or nothing, I remember who made the effort to be there. I think this is the norm, even if MN grabby fucker stories skew our perception of it. :)

Oh, yeah, the 'I spent tens of thousands to have the wedding I wanted so you have to recompense me to the cost per head (plus some extra in the form of cash so I can also go on my dream honeymoon).' Why not charge admission? That way people can think, 'Hmm, for 200 quid for each of us, we could go on a nice weekend away where we get to chose our own wine, food and don't have to listen to boring speeches.'

This ^^

Asking for cash is exactly the same in reality as charging an entry fee to the event, whether asked for via a crap poem or some pretend honeymoon site.

Most weddings are not guest centered so people often end up spending lots of money on what is essentially a crap event.

How much does she want you to be there? If she would still want you there if you went and have nothing then £10 is fine. If she wouldn't want you there with such a 'paltry' gift then she isn't a friend and you shouldn't be going anyway.