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Original poster

To Not Understand How There Can Be a Men-Only Event

187 replies

Nibblertron · 24/01/2018 10:14

The charity event with captans of industry and celebs etc, with the harrassment allegations.... news.trust.org/item/20180124100129-in2a3/

How can this happen? Imagine if there was a Whites-only event, or an Able-Bodied-only event, there would be outrage.

Why is it OK to have men-only social events?

OP posts:
Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 20:10

Agree with every word squishy just posted

VileyRose · 24/01/2018 20:11

My red tent weekends and retreats are women only. YABU

Bluelady · 24/01/2018 20:11

Actually it's worse than the 1970s. At that time there was a strict no touching policy in Playboy clubs that was stringently enforced. I know because my husband was allowed to use his father's card!

Mycatisahacker · 24/01/2018 20:15

Totally squishy

My dd now 18 told me just in passing they she had been harassed by an old man while working at Starbucks but he was a regular and the manager ‘loved him’ he would whisper in her ear that she should ‘add extra cream’ in his drink! She didn’t tell as they all liked him and he only whispered to her and made her feel ‘dirty’

I am considering driving there tomorrow, waiting for the cunt and poring a very very hot coffee over his bald head by mistake Angry

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 20:15

Excellent point kate

Mycatisahacker · 24/01/2018 20:16

blue yes have heard that before! Are we going backwards ffs

CertainHalfDesertedStreets · 24/01/2018 20:16

Having men only events is completely different from women only events. Women only events exist to redress an imbalance in society that disadvantages women.

The same argument is true for having justifiable BAME only events and not have white only events.

Having said that I can imagine valid reasons for having a men only event eg. a male suicide prevention event. Or a male violence prevention event, or a how not to rape people event which would only apply to men.

So there are justifiable reasons, but this absolutely wasn't one of them.

^this

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 20:18

mycat

i think it would be very hard for me to not approach someone in a similar manner in the circumstances you describe

DreamingofItaly · 24/01/2018 20:19

Wholly agree squishy.
I was having this conversation last weekend when I found myself last minute at a "girls night" 250 plus rowdy women waiting for 5/6 (don't even know) men to get their kit off and dance. There was shouting, lewd comments, the lot. I found myself thinking "if this was 200+ rowdy men in a room and half a dozen stripping women on stage the world would be up in arms.
There was a photo opp afterwards. The women groped the men. I didn't hear complaints/arguments. It's a complete double standard. It's not. Girls night/men's night. No groping/harassment. End of.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 20:20

if this was 200+ rowdy men in a room and half a dozen stripping women on stage the world would be up in arms

You seriously believe this

AssassinatedBeauty · 24/01/2018 20:23

@DreamingofItaly are you comparing strippers to people hired as waitresses?

Neither should be groped clearly. But you're not comparing like with like, at all. It's odd that people don't see that.

And women strip for men in towns and cities all over the uk and hardly anyone says anything about it at all, so I don't think you're right about that either.

PoisonousSmurf · 24/01/2018 20:23

'Men only event' Of course it's going to be dodgy! Are they that naive?

AssassinatedBeauty · 24/01/2018 20:24

Again with the pathetically low expectations of men. Why?

Mycatisahacker · 24/01/2018 20:25

Rufus I feel a trip and spill coming on. I am quite disturbed how angry I am.

squishyagree every word

Bluelady · 24/01/2018 20:27

Why are women expected to be men's moral gatekeepers? As they so pathetic?

Mycatisahacker · 24/01/2018 20:33

Agree assasinated

Yes I Dint recognise these men as in my family! My dh 50 my dss all in their twenties wouldn’t dream of behaving this way!

Who the fuck are these men.

My teen dds go out in mini skirts and heels and flirt and why not!!! But no one has the right to touch them unless they want to be touched. And they have no right to touch anyone either!

Surely we can’t still be having this debate!! Again who are these men? Name and Shaming needed

DreamingofItaly · 24/01/2018 20:38

I wasn't intentionally making the comparison, no, but reading it back I can see how it looks a bit like that.

I said I was having a conversation about if the "girls night" was a "men's night" and how much of an uproar there would be. It's a massive double standard. The women were waitresses, the men were performers. Neither deserve or should expect to be groped in their line of work but in both cases they were and it's wrong.

KateSheppard · 24/01/2018 20:39

"Are they that naive?"

Yes. Which is why teenaged and early 20s female uni students were hired instead of older and more experientially equipped "private men's club" waitresses.

Naïve is what the lecherous clientele wanted. Our esteemed leaders of government and industry weren't after sexy women. They wanted frightened girls. The Presidents Club delivered.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 20:45

mycat

Its a shame for him that you are so clumsy Sad

AssassinatedBeauty · 24/01/2018 20:46

There would be zero uproar. Men go to strip clubs up and down the UK, hire strippers for parties and so on. It's totally acceptable. No uproar at all.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 20:47

Why is it the presidents club?

So we have the women's institute...does what it says on the tin

And then the presidents club

I will google in case i am missing anything important...like only presidents are allowed to join or something

iamyourequal · 24/01/2018 21:00

I listened to the report on radio 4 on the way home this evening. I thought it sounded pretty dreadful and from some bygone era. I was then surprised to hear an interview with a hostess who does the event every year and enjoys it. She said the majority of the men are very normal and pleasant, it's spoilt by a few drunken leches. Is it not at all possible than many of these young women had a good idea what would be going on at the event, weighed up the pros and cons and made an informed choice they would like to do it? In reality if they are young and pretty they probably spend half their lives under the drooling gaze of leery men. One of the women at it interviewed said she experiences much worse out clubbing. I am not condoning what happened but I think the BBC report perhaps put a more balanced view of the hostesses experience which I am trying to share in the forum for those who didn't hear it.

AssassinatedBeauty · 24/01/2018 21:01

Why, @iamyourequal? Why is it important for you to try to normalise this experience as something to be expected and accepted?

Mycatisahacker · 24/01/2018 21:01

rufus Wink

Is it because women’s sexuality isn’t taken seriously? Or on masse a group of women at a Chippendale concert are seen as sad/funny/unthreatening??

The men still seem to have the power?

At an event like this or s strip show men still have the power

QuentinSummers · 24/01/2018 21:37

Oh fgs I hate "women do it too".
No. No they don't.
Dare you to find a woman only event branded as "the most un-PC every where women spend loads of money and grope scantily dressed male waiters. There aren't any.
Yes some women occasionally go to see the chippendales. More men go more frequently to strip clubs. Big deal. In fact there are usually a few posters here justifying why men going to strip clubs is no big deal.
Neither of those scenarios are remotely comparable to this.