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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Not Understand How There Can Be a Men-Only Event

187 replies

Nibblertron · 24/01/2018 10:14

The charity event with captans of industry and celebs etc, with the harrassment allegations.... news.trust.org/item/20180124100129-in2a3/

How can this happen? Imagine if there was a Whites-only event, or an Able-Bodied-only event, there would be outrage.

Why is it OK to have men-only social events?

OP posts:
heyHoney · 24/01/2018 12:43

This reply has been deleted

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Morphene · 24/01/2018 12:45

Having men only events is completely different from women only events. Women only events exist to redress an imbalance in society that disadvantages women.

The same argument is true for having justifiable BAME only events and not have white only events.

Having said that I can imagine valid reasons for having a men only event eg. a male suicide prevention event. Or a male violence prevention event, or a how not to rape people event which would only apply to men.

So there are justifiable reasons, but this absolutely wasn't one of them.

Collaborate · 24/01/2018 12:49

OK - I shall rise to the bait.

On the basis that OP is asking about Men-Only-Events, as opposed to a discussion about this particular event in the FT: There are plenty of women only business marketing events that I am aware of. If you can't understand why there are men only events do you have the same issue with women only events?

Surely better to save your ire for the type of event it was, and not lose sleep about gender-specific events? From what I've read you have an open goal to aim at on that score.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 12:50

Agree with mojo

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 24/01/2018 12:52

And with morphene

WetPaint4 · 24/01/2018 12:59

Got no problem with men-only events but not like this. Not an intimidating scenario where women are treated so badly. If they wanted to make it men-only, it should actually have been men-only and men should have been responsible for the service side, too.

InspectorBadger · 24/01/2018 13:30

How about the WI?

There are female-only hostels, hotels, travel groups, trains (Japan), etc.

Do you also have a problem with stag and hen parties?

MojoMoon · 24/01/2018 13:38

This was not a men only event

Women were there. But only women who were thin and pretty and young and without the legal rights to complain or tell people about what they witnessed.

It is not like the WI, or women's swimming or a women's hostel or anything like that.

It is about very rich and powerful men holding a social and networking event only for other powerful men in which women are just seen as light entertainment at best or something to be purchased at worst.

If men wanted a safe men only space to discuss mental health problems or testicular cancer concerns over dinner, then they would have male staff serving the drinks who probably wouldn't have been picked for their looks and asked to wear a skimpy outfit and parade across a stage.

PiffleandWiffle · 24/01/2018 13:44

This was not a men only event

Yes it was, the attendees were men only.

The staff, Hostesses (whatever their role is) may have been women, but they weren't attending the event.

eddiemairswife · 24/01/2018 13:54

There was an article in the Daily Mail this morning by Sarah Vine about the appalling behaviour of the teenage boys, from a prestigious fee-paying school, who were attending her daughter's 15th birthday party. I suspect the men at the Presidents Club men-only event come from the same over-privileged, over-entitled background.

Imnotposhjustquaint · 24/01/2018 13:55

Three words
RACE FOR LIFE

MojoMoon · 24/01/2018 14:58

When Race For Life involves rich and powerful women engaging young, poor men to put up with being groped and harrassed while signed legal agreements to try and remove them of their rights to complain while also getting access to private lunches with the head of the Bank of England and senior politicians in order to lobby for their business/beliefs, then we can say it is also wrong and shouldn't be allowed.

When it's just some women doing some exercise together with men of all shapes and sizes and ages welcome to cheer them along then it's not really a comparable event, is it?

UpstartCrow · 24/01/2018 15:01

The WI is no longer women only ffs. There are no longer any women only events, groups or societies, they are considered trans phobic.

Women only services such as Rape Crisis are not social events. But they are not permitted either because 'trans women are women'.

UpstartCrow · 24/01/2018 15:02

The number of people conflating a glorified stag do in a strip club with a domestic violence shelter, Race for Life or the WI is pathetic.

NotReadyToMove · 24/01/2018 15:41

I have no issue with female only SPACES that are there to protect women.
So a Hostel to protect them from domestic violence, a swimming pool for women only or women changing rooms.
I wouod have no issue with men only spaces if they needed protected from women - which as it happens they don’t need most of the time.
Just like you might want LGB spaces/rape survivors/black spaces etc... if they needed a safe space (to discuss an issue for example)

I do have an issue wth ANY space that is men/women/LGB only where it’s there to protect on their privilege and/or allow them to behave inappropriate ways such as the case the OP linked to. Or just because.

PiffleandWiffle · 24/01/2018 15:42

I do have an issue wth ANY space that is men/women/LGB only where it’s there to protect on their privilege and/or allow them to behave inappropriate ways such as the case the OP linked to. Or just because.

I must admit I don't have an issue with a "xxx only" club "just because".

I honestly don't think it hurts for either sex to have a bit of time away from the other for an hour or so.

NotReadyToMove · 24/01/2018 16:01

Yes I agree. But the issue is that it often becomes also a way to push away certain groups.
So you have a men only club and it becomes the place where all influential men meet up and women can never break through to that level of influence. Because they dont meet up with the right people. Because they happen to have the wrong sex.

It’s true for a lot of other areas imo.
Woud we be happy wth a club only for white people or black people for example? Or a club for white people being served only by black people?

ferntwist · 24/01/2018 16:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Flowerpot1234 · 24/01/2018 16:06

I couldn't believe it when I heard this - that there were industrial and political events like this which are all to do with charity, networking, buiness and politics, that only invite men as attendees and only have young women to parade around in skimpy dresses like grope-fodder.

Is it 2018 or 1418?

I want to see the names of every attendee. Every single one.

Jayne35 · 24/01/2018 16:12

I'm a female member of a private social club (not working men's) and no women are allowed on the committee, no women are allowed to sign anyone in or book a function in the function room - the lady members pass is cheaper though. The club is very cheap to drink in otherwise I would report it as I'm sure it's not legal.

These things aren't right but they still happen unfortunately.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/01/2018 16:39

We do need a re-think! A wider read around the issue reveals a few really worrying issues - sorry if this was covered on page 2, but I can't se all of it! Weird glitch as MrsJay's post.

Apparently, at interview the women were told to were tight clothing and matching underwear, and were asked to sign a non disclosure form.

Now stop me if I am wrong... but with only those 2 requests, nothing else, why didn't every woman interviewed just laugh and walk out?

What is it that made those who did attend sign up... even without all the historical knowledge that seems to have been floating around about the event?

The men involved were all disgusting. The whole set up is vile. There is no discussion to be had about that.

But why do we women take on this sort of work? No, I don't mean any part of hospitality, I have been a hostess myself and I know that it isn't prostitution by another name (as at least one commenter on one site put it). But, given information that suggests that an event is going to be a wet dream for rich men, why go?

What the fuck is it about our socialisation, in the 21st century, that makes us do such stupid stuff? If every woman had said "Fuck that!" and left the interview those same sad, rich bastards would have had to find another way to get their jollies.

We can say no! Why don't we?

Bluelady · 24/01/2018 16:44

Money. Most of them really needed that £150 I imagine. Money is a root cause of the vast majority of female oppression.

Slarti · 24/01/2018 16:49

So there are justifiable reasons, but this absolutely wasn't one of them.

What if there was a female only club or event just for no reason other than that's what the women wanted? Would you support forcing them to admit men?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/01/2018 17:06

Money is a root cause of the vast majority of female oppression. Mmm! It isn't that simple, it can't be. Our whole socialisation isn't based on cash!

Bluelady · 24/01/2018 17:08

If you really boil it down it is. All those women would have walked out if they hadn't needed the money.