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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No one wants to come to dd party

254 replies

Celp28 · 23/01/2018 19:43

My daughter is turning 13 on Friday. She has invited 9 friends for a sleepover and no one has responded to her invite. She has a so called best friend who has told her she doesn’t want to come and she doesn’t think others will want to come if she doesn’t come and that my dd is ‘a freak’. I’m so bleedin angry! Aibu to contact the girls mum to inform her her darling daughter is a bully or leave it?

OP posts:

caroline161 · 23/01/2018 19:46

Don't do anything yet, it's still early. Just wait and see what comes out in the wash by Friday. X

ManchesterGin · 23/01/2018 19:46

That's vile. She doesn't sound like a "best friend" at all. You should do something lovely with your daughter instead although I know that won't stop it hurting.

Original poster

Celp28 · 23/01/2018 19:46

Also and far more importantly, what can I do to make my dd feel better? I was thinking of a surprise day out somewhere on Saturday to soften the blow if her friends don’t turn up Friday but I don’t know where is good to take her, we live in the midlands area but don’t mind traveling. Does anyone have any suggestions?

OP posts:

ItLooksABitOff · 23/01/2018 19:46

that's awful, your poor DD. Can you encourage her to make some new friends, reach out to some nicer kids? It doesn't sound like these are her friends.

If it were me, I'd want to know if my daughter was being a bully. But that's me.

retirednow · 23/01/2018 19:47

her bf has called her a freak, jeez, I'd forget the party and take her out somewhere else, this is not a friend.

yawning801 · 23/01/2018 19:47

Cadbury's World?
Something she's never done before, like horse riding?
Her friends sound like arses, your poor DD.

SavoyCabbage · 23/01/2018 19:50

Splash Landings at Alton Towers.? You can stay overnight for not very much cash at all.

I do t know what you can do about the friendships. It’s all so much more difficult when they are at secondary school. Are they actually being outright unkind to her or are they not including her in their group?

Does she do any clubs at school so she can meet other people?

misspolite · 23/01/2018 19:51

I would want to know if my dd had said something like that, it’s so cruel. Maybe take your dd to a theatre show? I know Wolverhampton grand do shows?

thesandwich · 23/01/2018 19:52

London on the train? What is she into? Theatre in birmingham? Poor girl. Hope you have fun. Snow dome at Tamworth?

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 23/01/2018 19:52

urgh, teenage girls can be rotten.

Alton Towers? Shopping trip to another city - Sheffield/Manchester/London depending on where you are?

Blackteadrinker77 · 23/01/2018 19:53

Teenage girls fall out over any thing, do you know what has caused this?

Could you have a spa day?

StillTryingHard · 23/01/2018 19:53

Don't leave it until Friday - speak to the girls' parents tomorrow if you can get hold of their emails? Find out if they can come.

If not take your daughter away for the night

ChasedByBees · 23/01/2018 19:53

I would cancel or try and encourage another friend to come.

I think sledging at the snow dome would be fun (Tamworth)

lookingforthecorkscrew · 23/01/2018 19:54

13 is the prime age for peer bullying I’m afraid, probably the raging hormones. I’d treat your daughter to a day out the following day and spoil her rotten.

glenthebattleostrich · 23/01/2018 19:55

Is there any way you can take her somewhere on Friday night, late train to London and stay over?

That way you take the power away from the teens and take the decision from your DD.

UprightAndBreathing · 23/01/2018 19:57

Please tell your daughter that I would have loved to come to her birthday if I was 13 and lived nearby. It sounds completely fantastic, and only really mean people would treat someone like that. When she gets older and past these few years she'll have all the friends she could hope for, and wonderful times ahead. I will be thinking birthday thoughts on Friday evening on her behalf. Sending love

Original poster

Celp28 · 23/01/2018 19:57

She isn’t overly social, she chooses to spend weekends at home with us and her younger siblings, who she is very good with. I don’t get the impression that she’s a bully, she certainly isn’t at home and has never been in trouble at school but I may have a subtle chat about ensuring she is kind to everyone. I wonder if I’m just panicking and the friends will turn up on Friday but I find it odd that no one has confirmed. Had my dd been invited to a party, which she has had 3 this academic year, I would make sure she responded in plenty of time so parents knew how many were attending.
I like the Alton towers idea, I’ll have a look at that now thank you x

OP posts:

Evelynismyformerspyname · 23/01/2018 19:58

Blimey that's no best friend. People not coming could just be bad luck and apathy, but the freak comment isn't on. Has something happened? Someone spread a rumour or your DD done something brave like stood up for someone and had a backlash? I'd want to know whether it's just that girl who's shown her true colours or something tutor/ head of year should know, but it's sensitive to ask DD as you don't want her to think she's at fault obviously.

My DD is 12 and if it were just the two of us shopping and lunch in a restaurant with the focus on her and a budget to spend would be her idea of a good mother daughter day out. The water parks etc are too much like things she'd feel the lack of friends doing.

WhiteVixen · 23/01/2018 19:58

Twycross Zoo have an offer on this weekend, practically half price to get in, if she's into animals. They're moving the elephants very soon to Blackpool so not long left to see them here.

twycrosszoo.org/event/twycross-zoos-ticket-offer/

Original poster

Celp28 · 23/01/2018 19:59

Thank you so much for your lovely comments and suggestions, she would love a spa day or the snow dome sounds fun. X

OP posts:

Snowysky20009 · 23/01/2018 20:00

I personally would want to know if I was the other mum, and there would be all hell breaking out loose in our house! However, I know parents that would go completely on the defensive, and it could end up worse for your dd. So it is a difficult one. Do you know the girl and parents really well?

What budget are you looking at for Saturday? Maybe that will give a better idea.

Laiste · 23/01/2018 20:03

I think when a pp said I'd want to know if my daughter was being a bully they meant that as the parent of your DDs 'best friend' she'd want to know if her daughter had been saying mean things.

IYSWIM?

Not that your DD is the bully.

Poor girl. All this will pass though. It's a rotten age. Take her somewhere lovely.

MadeinBelfast · 23/01/2018 20:05

There are a few places you can take llamas or alpacas for a walk in and around the Midlands if she'd fancy that. I know a few teens (and adults!) who've enjoyed it. I hope she has a lovely day.

tinkertailorsoildersailor · 23/01/2018 20:05

Avoid the toxic, horrid friends. Cancel the sleepover and do something more fun! Just you and her.

Usuallytootiredbuthappyanyway · 23/01/2018 20:07

Hugs to you and your DD, you should feel relieved that she isn’t one of the nasty ones and enjoy a lovely day doing whatever she would like to do xxx

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