Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No one wants to come to dd party

254 replies

Celp28 · 23/01/2018 19:43

My daughter is turning 13 on Friday. She has invited 9 friends for a sleepover and no one has responded to her invite. She has a so called best friend who has told her she doesn’t want to come and she doesn’t think others will want to come if she doesn’t come and that my dd is ‘a freak’. I’m so bleedin angry! Aibu to contact the girls mum to inform her her darling daughter is a bully or leave it?

OP posts:
StarUtopia · 23/01/2018 21:53

Glad you've cancelled it.

Sorry not had time to read the thread but she really needs to focus on friends out of school - hobbies etc. They're the friends that last in my experience. Shared passions. Plus it takes the edge off when the kids at school are being horrid.

I was sent to coventry so to speak for pretty much all of Year 10. I have no reason why still to this day. Still speak to 2 of the girls involved who say they don't remember! Horrendous for me but in a weird way, toughened me up too.

Brighteyes27 · 23/01/2018 21:53

Celp28 I think that is definitely for the best. Enjoy your DD and her birthday. Girls can be so cruel and insensitive. I always taught my two from a young age to imagine how other people would feel if x so they are aware and sensitive to others feelings. I think this is sadly missing in a lot of homes with mums wanting to teach their daughter to be popular, top dog and going along with mob rule at all costs trampling on anyone and their feelings in the process.

beyondreasoning · 23/01/2018 22:04

Your poor daughter. Glad she's decided to cancel, that nasty girl should not have the upper hand.

I had a 'best friend' that sounded like her. Every week I was called numerous names by her, and she turned our mutual 'friends' against me. I knew her since I was 4, and she turned nasty at around 13 too (I'd like to blame the age but she never changed after that). When I left school I cut her out my life and told her she wasn't a good friend and I didn't want to be in contact anymore. Cue loads of text messages 'I'm sorry if I have done anything to upset you'.. IF? She didn't even realise that she had been a nasty person that whole time, and that completely verified why I no long wanted her in my life.

Your daughter is better off without her in her life (I know easier said than done), just as I was. I hope she enjoys her special birthday weekend with you.

iamnotwhat · 23/01/2018 22:07

Really feel for you and your DD. How can anyone make someone feel like this? 😡

A PP mentioned Crewe Hall and it rang a bell - I saw a deal on hot uk deals earlier today www.hotukdeals.com/deals/4-star-spa-day-for-two-people-with-refreshments-towel-hire-included-at-19-different-locations-now-15-750-pp-with-q-hotels-wowcher-2871687

If you can get that deal maybe you could put the money you've saved towards a night away on the Friday - hence the reason for cancelling the party 😊

iamnotwhat · 23/01/2018 22:09

Sorry, just saw in the Ts and Cs that it's valid Sunday to Friday only. Should have checked before posting

Brighteyes27 · 23/01/2018 22:09

Apologies to cause offense or anger as I didn’t read all of the long thread here LoniceraJaponica. As the responsible parent of a year 7 secondary school Pupil i do have the mobile numbers of some of the mums were DD has stayed at their houses and similarly their mums have my mobile number. My DD’s 3 so called friends all lived within a 5 minute walk of our house and they all went to the same primary school together albeit it in another class.
You do sound very opinionated and think everyone must live their lives by your rules.

Allthewaves · 23/01/2018 22:10

Sounds like some of my so called friends in secondary school. I'd def take her away so she can use that as her reason for cancelling.

I'd also look at her joining stuff outside of school to make some friends not connected with school

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 23/01/2018 22:18

My dd is 13 and she is popular, shes always out with a big group of friends. Invited to parties, sleepovers, to do things.

Her bday was 2nd January and one person turned up to the sleepover. She was gutted and they all pulled an hour or two before it. She messaged and got another girl round too outwith her school friends.

We had been out to a carnival that day so she was glad wed done that and appareciated and enjoyed having the two who came. But I'm not doing any sleepover or anything again. It will just be a day out doing something either me or her or the whole family then another birthday won't be ruined by girls pulling out.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 23/01/2018 22:23

Beyond and op, dd has a 'friend' like that too. I have told her all about frenemys and that someone who tries to humiliate you and cause trouble and turn other friends against you. Isn't a real friend and she has pulled back from her thankfully.

On dd bday we went to wagamamas then a carnival and on the way home for her sleepover stopped at mcdonlds. Dd put it on her snapchat and frenemy screenshotted it and put McDonald's for your bday dinner 😂😂🙈nasty little bugger.

I have found the ones who are nastiest are generally the most unhappy and jealous.

Buxtonstill · 23/01/2018 22:52

I hope you have a fab day on Saturday, whatever you do. How shit must those other girls lives be, that they need to get attention at the expense of others? The best thing you can do is give your daughter the self esteem they obviously lack. X

sothatdidntwork · 24/01/2018 07:05

I agree with all the pp who suggest joining out of school activities to make new friends.

But it sounds also as if it would be worth trying to branch out to new friends at school. Although that is easier said than done, can dd join some in school clubs and societies, take part in charity projects/drama - to mix with different people at school?

Buck3t · 24/01/2018 07:31

Lonica FGS people, at least read the OP's updates if you can't be bothered to read the full thread hmm

ahem, OP's original post asked if she should contact ex-bf's mum re the party. That might have been where the confusion was for PPs.

Anyhoo it's cancelled an OP can do something nice for her.

PS my DS is 15. I have the numbers of the parents of his friends. Why, cause he's my child. He can arrange anything he wants, but it requires my and/or Dad's approval.

LynetteScavo · 24/01/2018 07:41

I have a 12yo and I'm not sure I'd let her go to a sleepover party with a total of 10 girls. No sleep would be happening and it would wipe out any activity she had the next day, and at some point I'd have to deal with a very tired and grumpy DD.

Or maybe the mums font know you well enough yet to let their DD sleep over if you don't have their contact number to text a reminder?

Could it be the other parents are still undecided and the girls don't want to say "my mum won't let me" ?

It is rude of them not to give a definite answer though.

Brighteyes27 · 24/01/2018 10:26

I think maybe the other girls are too frightened to offend the Queen Bee’s stamping foot behaviour which is complete nonsense. But this seems to be how it works certain girls seem to hold more power over others who wouldn’t dare to cross or undermine her for fear of ending up on the receiving end of the QB’s nastiness themselves.

At 13 I think the girls would make their own arrangements and would likely be able to decide for themselves re: the sleepover. Some responsible parents like myself might insist on a text from parents hosting the sleepover so you are assured it’s ok and the parents would be present etc. Yes, little sleep would be had and as long as they didn’t have an important activity or competition the following day an occasional sleepover is ok and is the norm.

Evelynismyformerspyname · 24/01/2018 11:57

Celp I just remembered that my DD (12) was upset the other day because she's told a friend she couldn't go to her sleepover when it wasn't true. They've only been in the same class since September and have never been to one another's houses and DD was worried about commuting to a sleepover at a house she's never been to, so she said she was busy. She didn't tell her friend she was worried because she didn't want to look like a baby, and she didn't tell me about the invitation til a week or so later.

It's not always the kids being mean (aside from in your case the one mean girl - but the others) they're sometimes worried but won't admit it to one another!

DD comes across as very confident, loud even - she's started complaining that her friends think she's the funny one so if she tries to confide worries they assume she's joking. She confesses all her worries at bedtimeShock the rest of the time you wouldn't expect her to be the type.

BlindLemonAlley · 24/01/2018 15:01

If DD is invited to a sleepover of a school friend and I don’t know the parents, I would expect a text just to confirm what the arrangements are, their address and so that I have the parents contact information and they have mine. I think this is important if your DC are going to be spending the night at someone’s house. I have known DDs friends to make vague arrangements on group chats that never actually happen or it turns out that the parents are not going to be there. I have had a call from a parent in DDs school who thought her DD was spending the night at our house when she had lied to her DM and was at a party on the other side of town.

In the OPs case theres no doubt these girls have behaved really badly. However, I am amazed that she had no contact details for parents of 10 girls that had invited for a sleepover.

BlindLemonAlley · 24/01/2018 15:03

*9 girls Blush

PurpleTango · 24/01/2018 15:57

I'm glad you have cancelled the sleepover and hope your DD has a lovely birthday with the people who matter most to her.

My DD had a similar experience around your DD's age (I'm not sure if it was her 12th or 13th birthday). DD is 21 now so a long time ago.

Anyway she invited her 11 closest friends - who she had gone all through school with - to her party at Frankie and Bennys and then sleep over. She wrote out invitations and took them into school, which included details and tel number for them to RSVP. No response from any of them. A few days before the date DD asked them each individually if they would be coming to her party. They each said they didn't know and would have to ask.

The night before her birthday every one of them called her to say they wouldn't be coming to her party as one of the girls she had invited was also having a party on the same day and they were all going to hers. DD was not invited as the other girl knew it was DD's birthday on the same day as she had arranged her party. The day was a Sunday. The girls actual birthday was the following Wednesday.

Luckily DD was involved with a music group, outside school, and had friends there. She called them to ask if they would like to go to F&B's to celebrate her birthday. And they all came!

That was the last birthday party DD had until she was of an age to organise it herself. Organising birthday parties involving a bunch of teenage girls is too stressful!!

Redglitter · 24/01/2018 16:03

I liked the suggestion of telling her I’m cancelling it as we are going out for the day on the Saturday but I kind of wanted it to be a surprise as I think a surprise would cheer her up more

I think shed benefit more from.knowing something has been planned for her. She must be so hurt. I'd at least tell her you have something special planned for Sat

diddl · 24/01/2018 16:04

It's really hard to understand isn't it that on the say so of one, no others would go?

What hold do these people have over the others?

Hopefully there won't be any comment along the lines of "there was no need to cancel as no one was coming anyway".

taskmaster · 24/01/2018 16:07

Aibu to contact the girls mum to inform her her darling daughter is a bully or leave it?

yabvu. Not wanting to go to her party is not bullying at all

Brighteyes27 · 24/01/2018 16:10

I know I would imagine the QB is jealous of your DD in some way or another maybe you live in a bigger house, have more money, your DD is shown more love and attention than she is, maybe your DD is smarter at school better looking, liked by a boy or people like her without the need for her to scheme and or be nasty to others. Let’s hope the QB gets her come uppance and your DD meets some friends deserving of her.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 24/01/2018 16:16

Your poor daughter. Some kids can be horrible. I think your daughter made a good call cancelling the sleepover. Maybe she would invite one or two people on their own, some other time. 13 for a sleepover does sound a lot

Oblomov18 · 24/01/2018 16:17

I am so very very saddened to hear of such things. Is this year 8?

I have none of this with Ds1. Is it just a girl thing? Ds1 gets invited to parties. He goes to all of them. There is no nastiness. Ever.
Any sleepovers, I insist of a text from the mum. But to be fair I know 'of' most of the mums now.
He's got yet another one, this weekend.

I'm not surprised by what I'm reading: the not responding, not rsvp, the aged 5 birthday cards and the queen bee who turned up, and the not coming because they are going to the party of another girl......

Christ. These girls are well nasty!! Sad

What a shame!!

Lizzie48 · 24/01/2018 16:18

Taskmaster, have you read the thread? The girl called the OP's DD a 'freak', a girl who was supposed to be a friend. That's what she's calling bullying. And she also suspects her of telling the other girls not to accept the invitation either. Bullying by exclusion, very typical of girls.

Swipe left for the next trending thread