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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No one wants to come to dd party

254 replies

Celp28 · 23/01/2018 19:43

My daughter is turning 13 on Friday. She has invited 9 friends for a sleepover and no one has responded to her invite. She has a so called best friend who has told her she doesn’t want to come and she doesn’t think others will want to come if she doesn’t come and that my dd is ‘a freak’. I’m so bleedin angry! Aibu to contact the girls mum to inform her her darling daughter is a bully or leave it?

OP posts:
caperberries · 25/01/2018 13:47

I did see some research online which suggested that the Queen bee / top dog / cool crowd types get a lot of attention at school, but in later life, they don't tend to have such positive outcomes as the people who are jogging along somewhere in the middle, being polite and friendly to everyone. That does make sense to me

I'd like to see this research, because anecdotally, that really hasn't applied in my experience. The most unpleasant queen bees from my old school seem to have been tremendously successful!

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 25/01/2018 14:13

caperberries I doubt I'll be able to find it again, I stumbled on it by chance. As I recall, this research was more about people's mental health, rather than financial wealth. I think what they were saying was that when you are a teenager, you can get your own way by bullying people. However, people who are pleasant, kind and reasonable have better social skills, and therefore they develop better personal relationships with people, which benefits their mental health

caperberries · 25/01/2018 15:17

Fair, that makes sense! Being nice and having good relationships seems a better measure of success, anyway.

Lizzie48 · 25/01/2018 16:20

I agree with this. Obviously a lot of the popular types are successful as we hear a lot about bullying bosses. Some of the playground bullies just don't change.

Payitforward55 · 25/01/2018 18:01

Celp just thinking tomorrow is your daughters birthday. Do you have some nice things for her to open in the morning to kick off her special weekend? I’m just thinking about the discussions i’m sure there will be when she gets into school. If asked she can say birthday celebrations are already in full swing.

Original poster
Celp28 · 25/01/2018 19:23

The articles were interesting reading, thank you. Too often I think we focus on school as being all about learning academically but social skills and emotional well being are shaped during the school years. I have put a lot of thought into encouraging out of school clubs, we did try brownies and a basketball club in dd younger years but nothing stuck as she didn’t really have the interest. I’m definitely going to take her to a few over the next few weeks to try out and hopefully she will enjoy them and broaden her horizons.
She has some presents to open, we have brought her an iPad and some nice girly things for her recently decorated bedroom so I think she will be happy 🤞

OP posts:
allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 25/01/2018 19:35

Thanks whatwould I did a quick google search, couldn't find anything, I'm glad you found those links before people accused me of making it up !

My DD is fairly quiet, doesn't like to be centre of attention, but she is kind and thoughtful and I am proud of that, and optimistic for her future

MissEliza · 25/01/2018 21:50

Several posters have made the excellent point that you should be pleased your dd could confide in you. I would never have confided in my own dm. I just couldn't talk to her sadly. I think a close relationship with your mother is very important for girls growing up so you should be very happy you have that with your dd.

smileyfacechocolatebutton · 25/01/2018 22:44

I hope your daughter has a wonderful day. Girls can be so horribly cruel x

TeeniefaeTroon · 25/01/2018 23:25

For my daughters 13th I had organised a lady to come to the house and put face masks on them and then do their make up. I booked for 8 and only 1 turned up as one girl had told the rest not to go. I was gutted for my DD but she had fun with the one who did come. I'd forgotten about this until it appeared on my Facebook time hop yesterday. 3 years on she has a different bunch of friends who seem lovely and is having 10 of them over this weekend to celebrate her birthday.
My point is that she will make new friends and forget about the horrible ones in time x

springtulip · 26/01/2018 00:32

Hate how awful some of these girls are, how can they be so nasty. So cold and lacking in empathy, i'd be ashamed to have a daughter like that. Sad

MiddleClassProblem · 26/01/2018 00:38

Hope she has a lovely day x

DreamyMcDreamy · 26/01/2018 01:26

I haven't read all the replies, sorry, just the first few pages.
I don't have experience of young teenage dds but I remember being one, and one with "friends" who decided they were besty friends one minute then were deciding they didn't like you the next!
Don't engage with that shit, it's kid politics and I wouldn't get in the middle of it. You have no idea if the parent you approached would be mortified and speak to their daughter (like I would with my young teen son if it was him being the little sod) or if they were on the defensive and thought their child could do no wrong.
Have a lovely day out instead with her with any friends you know would come outside of the crap dynamic.

Howlongtilldinner · 26/01/2018 01:43

Happy birthday and bless your DDSmile

Teen girls can be awful I’m afraid.

I hope she has a lovely time whatever she does. Personally I’d take her to ‘the smoke’..a trendy restaurant? Camden possibly? So many places to go in London you’ll be spoilt for choice, and such a whirlwind of a daySmile

Have a brilliant timeCake

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 26/01/2018 03:04

I started reading some of the links from another mumsnet discussion on queenbees from several months ago. I followed the link about American Schools and Alpha Girls/Women. They were looking at Alpha men and woman in politics and basically saying whereas Alpha boys did well in the future, often Alpha girls did less well and being social leaders as girls was less likely to transfer to adulthood.

I've tried to find it but was unable to. I felt much happier afterwards about my daughter being left out of her friendship group and she is now getting her confidence back.

LoniceraJaponica · 26/01/2018 06:30

Happy birthday to your DD Celp28 Cake

Emabrmsca · 26/01/2018 06:52

Happy birthday to your dd ☺

WeeM · 26/01/2018 09:39

Happy birthday to you dd @Celp28, I’m sure she’s having a lovely day Cake

OCSockOrphanage · 26/01/2018 10:01

Adding my birthday greetings to your dd's heap! Hope she has a lovely day and Cake.

Original poster
Celp28 · 26/01/2018 10:45

Thank you for the birthday wishes xxx

OP posts:
DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 26/01/2018 10:54

Haven't read full thread, just wanted to say this happened to my niece! My sis booked a restaurant and there was meant to be about 10 girls for niece's 14th birthday.... no one turned up. Not a single girl. And no one let her know they weren't coming. It was awful. I literally cried for her, I felt so sorry for her, it was so humiliating. Tbh that group of so called friends were a horrible little bunch and i've pleased to say 7 years on my niece (now 21) is finishing uni, happy and doing well in life, most of those girls are now working as beauticians and have babies.

Lizzie48 · 26/01/2018 11:40

Happy birthday to your DD, @Celp28 xxx

@DIngdongmerryilyonhigh that must have been so hard for your niece, but it's great that she's doing so well now. Thanks

persianpeach · 26/01/2018 22:03

Spot on!! 👌🏼

Howlongtilldinner · 27/01/2018 06:57

What happened Friday OP? What have you decided to do for your day out?

Hope you have a lovely timeSmile