AIBU to not understand this bs around 'step' children?

[WitchyMama3]

^^ Just that.

I've only recently joined mumsnet to be able to post but I've been 'lurking' for the better part of a year or so and every thread I've come across where 'step' children are involved are just awful to read.

Just because a child doesn't share the same DNA does that mean they are not entitled to a shred of decency?
They haven't asked to be put in this situation so why do so many mumsnet users see fit to treat them as second class citizens?

Agree that mycat is no victim here. It may be true that the mother stopped all access for whatever reason she said was appropriate, however the fact remains that this child was the victim not only of divorce but also bereavement.

DP's ex has that attitude. She thinks life should revolve around DSC when they are here because they didn't ask for their dad to leave. I also have a DD who is usually with us when DSC are staying, it isn't as simple as that. All four of them have divorced parents, but she expects hers to be placed above mine

She's right. Her childrens father should put them first when he has them. He left them. She quite rightfully expects your boyfriend to put his own children first, before you and your child.
The fact that she even needs to say that is worrying, as is your idea that she is somehow in the wrong.

I've been robustly disagreeing with taskmaster on another thread, but I'm 100% with her on this one. I would LOVE to hear your partner's ex's side of things.

I don't agree with that at all taskmaster. I don't expect life to revolve around DD when she is with her dad. I expect her to have quality time with her dad, as DP does with DSC when they are here. I do not expect DD's wants and needs to be placed above the other children in that setup, just as I do not think DSC's should be placed above my DD's. They are all treated fairly.

By fairly, I mean DSCs get to spend lots of time with DP without me and DD. DSC do not get to claim toys DD is playing with as "theirs" and take them away from her instantly, just because they want them, or DSD1 helping herself to my makeup without asking because she wants to use it. There is a balance between making sure they get time with their dad and are made to feel this is their home and letting them do whatever they like.

I agree with taskmaster as well. While I don’t think that the non resident children should be put above half siblings, I certainly do think that they should be put above step siblings, in the same way that it has been made evident that a mother cannot be expected to love her children the same as incoming children.

My ex has in the past cancelled contact visits because his DSC wanted to do something just for them, and DS was expected to understand and comply with that. I don’t see why he should, even if the DSC live their permanently the biological children should still be the parent’s priority.

I'm sure you don't agree leia but I think most would. Most of us would expect our co parent to put their own children first before other peoples children.
Your child gets to live with your boyfriend while his own children do not, because he left them. If he is now insisting that your child needs to be considered equal to them in all things, how is that fair?

I'm not really sure what you mean, put them before, taskmaster. DP would go to his kid's school play over mine, if that's what you're saying. If they have a massive argument with each other, we look at who started it and take it from there. I do not subscribe to "they're non resident so they can trash the house."

who would? No children can trash my house, no matter who they are.

Put them first as in just put them first. They are his children, he is their father. Your child is not his, he is not his/her father. I don't see how it needs to be explained.

Another person agreeing with taskmaster

I agree it’s all bollocks! You’re expected to give the world for sod all back. Or little pockets of something when it suits others not you. Stepmums are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Why are they even called stepmums! Just call me step 😂

Everyone under a roof should be treated the same.

My dd’s needs or wants have never been given priority when she goes to see her dad and his new family. Her existence is resented so much that he has never taken her out to do something just for her or to spend time just with her, as that would cause world war three,