To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

By feeling the need to tell your friends you are proud to bf you are by default saying that they can't too feel proud for feeding their child however they see fit, because you are singling out the reason as bf opposed to other forms of feeding. They might feel very proud that they ff and choose to overcome the pressure to Bf to do what is right for them.
You are clearly already invested in competing and feeling superior against your so called friends. If I was betting kind of gal I would say you won't have many friends for much longer!!
Instead of feeling proud why don't you invest your time in supporting and caring properly about your friends, and realise this is all completely irrelevant in a year from now. It makes zero difference!

Here’s the thing. We seem really, really keen to suppress the idea that for some, breastfeeding can be really hard, and some will (rationally, justifiably) décide to stop and others will (possibly less rationally!) decide to continue.

Here’s a comparison. I took up running last year. I did a couch to 5K, and now run regularly. I am encouraged by others to feel proud of this, and I do. I did something that was physically difficult and occasionally painful and dispiriting; required tenacity and a regular commitment of time, but that ultimately I have found positive and rewarding. My sense of pride in what is quite a workaday achievement (being able to run 5K reasonably easily) is not interpreted as a comment on those who have decided not to take up running, or who are physically unable to do so.

It’s weird that breastfeeding is interpreted so differently and to the point of denigration. I had a horrible time in the early days of breastfeeding; but doing it was important to me. I’m glad that I continued but it was bloody hard, involved learning a new skill and making sacrifices I would not have had to make if formula feeding (esp with bottle-refusing DS2. And yes, I’m proud of overcoming the difficulties and in particular continuing to breastfeed DS2 until after he’d overcome some health issues, as it was a source of reassurance and comfort to him even if I hated it by then. Im quite proud I neither wilted and gave in nor spoke my mind to tutting, staring strangers or the ignorant comments of acquaintances. I’m not going to bang on about it, and I’m glad now that part of my life is over. But I’m still quietly proud.

OP, I was going to post this exact thread but couldn't be arsed with the back lash!

People come on here and say they've lost weight, done something for charity, ran a marathon ect and everyone is happy for them. But say you're proud of yourself for breastfeeding and you get told it's nothing to be happy about.

Breastfeeding is hard and demanding so why not be proud of yourself? Most of the people who say it's nothing special are the ones who complain how hard it is

I'm proud of myself and think you should be happy and be able to congratulate yourself.

Well done OP. I'm proud of bfeeding too.

We were in Italy over Christmas and just about everyone who noticed I was still bf my toddler made nice comments or told me to make sure I was eating and drinking well. It was really nice and supportive.

Y babies were weighed at birth and never really after that as not much need. They looked healthy enough so I declined the offer to constantly weigh them. Sometimes women put pressures on themselves.

I have never felt defensive for dd since I gave birth to my dd. I ff my dd and was feeling bad because I couldn't bf my ds (more physiological reasons) and I lovely, and I mean lovely, lady at the post natal ward spoke to me one night telling me not to feel bad about ff and asked if my dd was perfectly healthy, to which I replied "yes" and she made me feel empowered to make my own choices and not care what others think. Since then, and even after a health visitors judgey "so you're artificial feeding then?" Comment, I couldn't give two hoots. I have 2 dc who are at the end of primary who have never had a day off school ill and have brilliant immune systems, like I do, so the ff couldn't have done too much harm!

By feeling the need to tell your friends you are proud to bf you are by default saying that they can't too feel proud for feeding their child however they see fit, because you are singling out the reason as bf opposed to other forms of feeding.

She really isn’t.

They might feel very proud that they ff and choose to overcome the pressure to Bf to do what is right for them.

Which is grand. Feeling proud for making the right choice for them despite difficulties is entirely justifiable. Is her sense of pride denigrating the OP’s choice to breastfeed, and by default saying she can’t also feel proud?

Im prouder of having breast fed my twins than I am of either of my degrees Are you also a vegetarian runner by any chance?

Fuck it.

I'm proud too.

I don't see why there is anything wrong with that. I don't say it in real life anyway but reading this thread has made me realise I am.

It was really fucking hard. I got repeated mastitis, was convinced that there was never enough to 'fill' up dd and was mortified every time we went out and I knew I'd have to feed in public.

But I pushed through and bf her until she was two. Why can't I be proud of that?

It doesn't mean that I regard ff as 'inferior' to my own brilliance. It's that I struggled a lot with something that was difficult and did it anyway.

This thread is a bit mean (though with the flack ff mums get I can understand the defensiveness)

I agree with you to some extent.
I am reluctant to talk about bfeeding to groups I don't know very well. It is an emotive subject op, you are right, and I am very aware of that too. I just take the approach that if someone wants to find out about anything to do with me and my baby's feeding habits, they can ask.
I would tell anyone that did ask, that yes, I am absolutely proud of my 4 years of breastfeeding my babies. It can be super hard work (if you are prone to mastitis as I am), but I continued because, despite what anyone argues, bfeeding has some amazing benefits to mother and baby, and I absolutely want these benefits for my little ones.
Maybe you could look at becoming a bfeeding support worker op? A good way to encourage and support bfeeding mums.

Yes millions of women across the world BF with no problems but we live in a country where BF rates are piss poor. In other countries where breastfeeding is the norm women have seen other women breastfeed from an early age and have the support of many around them with a wealth of BF experience. In this country bottle feeding is the norm (see WHO statistics)
New mothers in this country are bombarded with aggressive formula marketing, often receive next to no support when they face problems and are on the receiving end of criticism for feeding in public etc. If you can continue to BF despite all of this then yes you should be proud.

I'm not anti formula at all, my first was FF, but I am proud of feeding my 2nd myself, I've kept this to myself though as I know how it could hurt someone who ffs.

So, those who don’t BF, and FF, are they supposed to feel the opposite of proud? What is that again ... oh yes, ashamed. That’s it.

Bluedoglead that’s false logic.

If your friend works hard to learn a new skill eg playing the piano she’s allowed to feel proud of her achievement even if you didn’t choose to learn.

You should be proud!!!! You grew a human and now you are nourishing that human in the way nature intended. mums who FF should also be proud, they grew a human and recognised the right way to nourish them to suit their family needs. I BF both my babies and will again with number 3. I am also fortunate enough to find it relatively easy, plus I'm too lazy to sterilise bottles etc. Other people can feed if you express. Don't let anyone else make you feel less proud whether you BF or FF. and those saying 'should I be proud of doing a poo' well quite frankly if that poo springs out ur backside at will and took you 9 months to develop the ability to do then yes. Be f**king proud of your poo idiots

It doesn't mean that I regard ff as 'inferior' to my own brilliance. It's that I struggled a lot with something that was difficult and did it anyway.

This sums it up really well.

Op you must not be proud to breastfeed or remotely happy about it on mumsnet. You’re a goady, boastful bitch who is trying to guilt ff mums. Oh except you should be fucking proud as you’ve done an amazing thing for your baby that ALMOST NO ONE in the U.K. manages to do, sadly, which is exclusively b/feed for 6 months. Well done but I expect this thread will be shut down like the last one where someone dared to call breastfeeding an achievement.

I fed both of mine and feel proud. I used to love looking at my big, thriving babies, knowing I was giving them all their nourishment myself. It was a lovely feeling.

It wasn't easy though, I could have easily given up on it, but I pushed through.

What's not to be proud of?

YANBU OP. As this thread proves you are not allowed to mention bf'ing or talk about what you went through in the early days because it's no more of an achievement than 'taking a shit' Sums up lots of people's opinions of motherhood in general.

Jassy I so agree. Last time there was a thread like this someone said ‘well done, your body works as it should’. Well you can use running as a similar example. Your legs may work but you may not have run a marathon on them. No one would question that that’s an achievement, yet you’re not allowed to call breastfeeding an achievement despite it (sometimes) being harder than any marathon.

I think there's a big difference between feeling proud and feeling the need to tell people that you're proud. You should feel proud, it's an achievement. I've spent years of my life BF and it can be very hard work.

But you never know someone else's journey and it can be an emotive topic. Why risk making someone feel bad? A friend of mine found BF hellish and gave up, then spiralled into pretty severe PND. I highly doubt she would like to be reminded of that by someone who found BF comparatively easy.

Of course you should be proud. Our culture is not particularly set up to accommodate breastfeeding. Those who manage it do so against the odds.

Like all pride though, its best kept quiet.

Those who want to, but end up FF need to let themselves off the hook in acknowledging that our society isn't set up to support them. But it's not right to undermine the OP they way that many have done on this thread.

Oh god please

IT doesn't matter one jot how you feed your baby just as long as the baby is fed and loved.

Your child won't have perfect health or life just because you ff or bf

It makes no difference whatsoever. Sorry but it doesn't.

The best way to have a healthy child is to ensure they eat healthy fresh nutritious food and exercise daily. End of.

Can not believe we are STILL having thIs conversation!!!!!!!!!!

But I am proud for what Idid. Because it was hard for me and I did it anyway.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling proud at perseverance and conquering something tough. Publicly announcing that pride, especially at something so contentious as breastfeeding, will always come off as bragging.

The op is asking why can’t she tell people she’s proud of herself for breastfeeding over formula - well there’s several reasons. She might make someone who tried and couldn’t bf feel bad. The op says the opposite of pride is shame - well in that sense the opposite of success is failure, as so many who don’t bf are (wrongly) made to feel. Even if another chose to FF from the start, someone saying ‘I’m proud I managed to breastfeed’ will always sound like a judgement on those who FF. Being proud of yourself is one thing, bemoaning that you can’t tell everyone how impressed you are with yourself just sounds like that person wants to brag or thinks they’re better than others - even if that’s not their intention.

OP, I'm sorry people have made critical comments to you about breastfeeding, but you are very wrong to imagine that those of who formula feed don't get the same. I breastfed my first and formula fed my second (largely because he was in hospital for a long time) and personally, I have had more judgmental comments for the formula feeding. I agree that I wish we could all just get on with it and stop being unkind about how other people feed their babies.

you’ve done an amazing thing for your baby that ALMOST NO ONE in the U.K. manages to do

I'll just leave this here 🙌

Yes you can be proud . It's an achievement of something that matter s to you .
It's difficult to be proud of this publicly for some reason as you don't want to impact on others who had a worse time etc .
But for your own self be happy and proud that you did it . I bf mine and I felt proud . Especially after surviving mastitis !
Other people are proud of their achievements so I feel you are able to be too .

^Spartaca: Well, I'm proud of having fed my 3, through thrush, mastitis, bleeding nipples etc. But equally I would feel proud of myself for making the decision to stop were that the best thing for my kids.

I agree with this.

It is hard to bf. Or at least i found it hard. I am proud i stuck at it. I ignored suggestions that i was somehow starving my sons or coddling them or making a rod for my own back.

I found ff friends often defensive and had to have justification for why they gave up. You end up embarrassed that you went through the same thing (or in my case worse) but kept on going and still bfed.

Thing is youre going to find out it doesnt matter much. Bf ff mix whatever. Dc do fine in all cases. No one choice is inherently better. Women put way too much pressure on themselves as does the medical profession and dads who have a view , just ugh!!