To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

I remember the 'Breast is Best' dogma was everywhere when I had my DC. There was a poster with that slogan at opposite my bed in the ward where I was recovering from the Csection, complete with a picture of a healthy, chubby pink & white baby….so different from my under 2-pound little scrap struggling for his life in an incubator down the corridor.

I tried really hard to bf I really did, sat there with a breast pump day after day in between sitting with him, and actually managed to get the odd drop of milk to feed him through a nose tube.

In the end I gave up when we were told that he would probably not make it and be severely disabled if he did. I just couldn't face it any more after that. So that was the end of my failed attempt to bf.

That's why regardless of the intention, talk of feeling proud of success in having bf (i.e. by implication, thatothers have 'failed' and should be 'ashamed') is so problematic.

Why aren't people allowed to have opinions? So basically don't say anything about the situation in the UK or discuss your own experiences because it may upset someone who will be reading the thread. All I am trying to say is some women who could breastfeed don't. This should be addressed. I have tried and tried to say I am sympathetic to those who can't and I am!

I think generally I feel i cant say it, not one specific conversation or anything.

Before bf i think i had the blinders on but now 5 months odd in, i see there is allot of negativity around it. People think its great in principle but there is allot of negativity around it. As i said ff is the norm. I have encountered assumptions that have been quite hurtful. These werent necessarily meant in that manner but hurtful all the same.

Just wait until you feed after 6 months (If you do!) the negativity only increases - hence why many people don’t even admit when they are still feeding beyond a year

I have encountered assumptions that have been quite hurtful. These werent necessarily meant in that manner but hurtful all the same.

The same reason you feel reluctant to voice your pride in breastfeeding i guess. Because it could be hurtful even though it wasn't meant that way.

It's all sides of the same coin.

People DO need to hear the facts surrounding BFing though and places like this can be eye-opening for people to read about BFing myths and reasons to give up that aren’t really reasons at all and are wrongly perpetuated by well-meaning people who have been misinformed.
If I had stopped a medication or an activity that was good for me due to inaccurate information from a pharmacist or other people I perceive to know best then I wouldn’t beat myself up about it. I might be annoyed at being misinformed but I wouldn’t blame myself. So a mother who has been wrongly told things that led her to give up BFing should be upset at being let down or misinformed but not at themselves for this.

I do think that as a society we have so far to come with BFing. Too many people have the “if I can...” attitude to breastfeeding which is fairly negative really and many of the same women have formula, bottles, steriliser etc “just in case” which I think is akin to havin bars of dairy milk and a sack of sweets whilst intending to diet “just in case”...

Better trained support and more normalising of breastfeeding is what we need. Bottles should be taken off soap operas and baby cards and even out of dolly playsets. It’s such a strong image that if I type baby in my iPhone one of the images is a bottle. So that really does infiltrate people to associate babies and bottles when the biological norm is to breastfeed. Yes IVF and infertility support is wonderful but people don’t generally start their TTC journey by booking an IVF appt “just in case” as mostly the biological way of conceiving a baby works. Just like mostly the biological way of feeding a baby works as well.

Just wait until you feed after 6 months (If you do!) the negativity only increases - hence why many people don’t even admit when they are still feeding beyond a year&

^^ This.

@twilightriver what are you expecting from people when you have told them you are proud to have breast fed? A pat on the back? A round of applause?

Op yes be proud but there’s no need to say it to other mums esp ones who may of struggled with bf. Personally I had a very easy birth nd yes I am proud of it. However I will not talk constantly about it around other mum bc a lot of pnd can be triggered by a bad birth and mums can feel inadequate when really it’s down to luck a lot of the time. Just like bf.

I spent a total of 9 years in total breastfeeding. Do I win the Internet?!
shines
Sadly my kids now only seem to eat junk
removes exits thread

JJ have now gone back and read through comments. Seems I was right.