To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

Being s parent is pleasurable but hard work. But it's hard for everyone regardless of their choices.

The OP is really saying that she feels superior rather than proud which is why she won't mention it to her ff friends. In reality her friends would likely just be happy that her choices had worked for her.

Turning parenting into a competition is unpleasant.

It is comparable to saying you can't talk about being proud to be able to conceive and carry a baby to term. Yes, you can feel proud of what your body can do; but no, it's probably more sensitive not to talk about it because for many women, this is a source of pain or distress.

Where does this assumption come from that the OP's (or other bf women's) pride in their achievement is denigrating anyone who didn't bf?

I'm proud of my qualifications, but nobody accuses me, in that pride, of saying yah-boo-sucks to non-graduates. I'm proud of my children when they get good reports or play well at a concert, but nobody suspects for a second that I'm looking down on those with bad reports or who had to start again because they got notes wrong. But pride in a cumulative total of pretty much a decade of bf, including a horrendous start with dc1, tandem feeding, many many sleepless nights and currently very draining toddler bf - and I'm trying to make other mothers feel like crap and should keep it shamefacedly to myself, under all circumstances (of course I am aware of appropriate and less appropriate contexts in which it might be mentioned)?

I agree. I would feel more proud of raising a child who got to adulthood with a well rounded healthy attitude to food choices in general, understanding that everything in moderation is key. That's what's going to make the real difference to their health throughout their lives, a healthy well balanced diet and a healthy attitude to food.

I'm 'proud' but that was because (between dd and ds) it was four years of bf and I found it really hard.

If you want to talk about how proud you are, do it with other breastfeeding mothers. It could be insensitive to talk about how wonderful it is in front of those who perhaps couldn't or chose to care for their baby in a different way.

I feel proud I was able to as well. With my first and my second... still at it with an almost 10 month old and a 2.5 yr old.

Considering I almost binned the whole idea on day three with my first because it was so painful! I sent my husband to buy formula and bottles! But I had a lovely midwife who showed me how to get the latch right.

Happy I continued 😊.

And I get what you mean, it threads along the same lines as fertility issues... you can't talk about how easy it was to conceive because you might hurt someone who had a hard time getting the same end result.... in this case a child the other a fed child.

I think some of your responses, kind of proves my point.

As a pp pointed out, the opposite of proud is ashamed. I would NEVER want someone to feel ashamed that they use ff their baby. I fully understand that it doesnt work out for some people or that they don't want to. That's fine thats their choice . If however my post was in regard to saying 'you should not be proud to ff' - note i do not think this then i would get shot down in flames and how dare i think this of anyone but equally posters feel its ok to say the same to me.

My point is I feel I can't talk about something perfectly normal without fear of sounding preachy or upsetting anyone. People who ff talk about it all the time how many feeds / how many oz ate they sleeping through. Any comments I get can be rather negative making me feel like I'm doing something wrong e.g. 'why dont you try ff to help them sleep through ?' 'They must be looking for a bottle' nothing positive to day about bf.

For me personally I have struggled with low self confidence all my life. I was very worried about feeding in public prior to having my lo, and I am very proud I have been able to overcome this.

I think it's great to feel proud of yourself but, as woth most cases of pride, it's not really necessary to tell the world about it.

There's far too much oneupmanship in motherhood.

Breastfeeding is an achievement but, for some women I think recognising it's time to stop is also an achievement.

Of course you should be proud. It can be at times hard work but is also very rewarding. I am proud that I've managed it too.

So, those who don’t BF, and FF, are they supposed to feel the opposite of proud? What is that again ... oh yes, ashamed.

Yeah, that doesn't logically follow does it though. Someone who's brimming with pride on completing a marathon isn't casting shame upon the rest of us.

As long as your baby is well nourished and not a case of neglect, no one else gives a toss what feeding regime you used. Feel what you like, no one outside your immediate circle, cares either way.

silverbirch I fully understand why bf babies get weighed.

However I feel it's wrong to simply assume that because baby is getting x number of bottles then everything is alright. Weight may indicate other problems for example what if baby had a thyroid problem and wasn't putting on any weight?

Why is it wrong to ask same policy regardless of choice of feeding ?.

I wouldn't say I'm proud. It's just how I feed my DD. I am happy and lucky that I have the option but not proud. And with regards to the midwife checking comment, I'm also pleased that I have the support from my CMWs in helping ensuring my child is getting the best start. And if that means having weigh ins every 2 days till she met her birth weight, then so be it

If you had posted saying that you are very proud to have overcome your low self confidence then I would have replied saying well done.

Perhaps you have friends that mostly formula feed so their comments will be a bit defensive.

as with most cases of pride it's not necessary to tell the world about it
I agree with this. You need to pick your audience if you want to discuss it, although I'm sure breast feeding would soon get boring as a subject of conversation.

You could join an online breast feeding support group if you feel a little ostracised by your ff friends?

Oh God

This just never ends

So booooooring

“I also find that people find its acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf.”

Yeah because FF gets no comments

Goady goady.

RatRolyPoly I came back to respond to Taskmasters rather bemusing post but I see you have kindly done it for me.

I’m amazed by how horrible people are being to the OP. It’s very disappointing. I’m quite frankly embarrassed for some of the posters on this thread.

Being proud of breastfeeding doesn’t mean the OP, or I , or anyone else is looking down on anyone who formula fed.

Most of my twin Mum friends formula fed, and several of my Singleton Mum friends. None of my business how they choose to feed their children.

But I chose to breastfeed. It was important to me. It was bloody hard work. I did get thrush and mastitis and cracks etc etc. I spent about 8 hours a day feeding in the early days.

I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else did or does.

But I am proud for what Idid. Because it was hard for me and I did it anyway.

That’s all the OP is saying. She made a choice and stuck with it even though she had little support and she’s pleased. For herself.

I was quite proud of my breasts during breastfeeding. Having always been a bit rubbish (AA cup) it was nice to know there was one thing they were good at. Now they're saggy ruins but i forgive them.

My FF baby had weigh ins every 2 days until they regained birth weight as did my BF twins. I seem to produce reluctant feeders regardless of how they're fed. I don't think that's a BF only policy.

A lot of people are being a bit mean. It is not like taking a shit!
For a lot of people it takes real determination to push through and establish Breast feeding. My experience was that it was extremely tough establishing Breast feeding with my DS. He just didnt get it. The midwives kept saying “are you sure you want to keep going? Most would have given up by now.”It was painful and difficult all the way through. His latch was always painful, my nipples bled, I got thrush a couple of times. But I managed 8 months ( with some mixed feeding). So yes I am bloody proud and frankly I am offended by anyone who says i shouldn’t be.
My DD was much easier, latched well from the start and just got it. So that wasn’t so tough. So if you had only had that experience I can see why you would think wasn’t as big a deal. But to say it is just the same as taking a shit if ridiculous!
People can be very bitter.

OP isn't saying is it wrong to be proud she's asking if it's wrong to want to tell everyone she's proud. They're 2 different matters.