To feel that you cant talk about being proud to bf?

[TwilightRiver]

Just to start I am not trying to be goady, and not wanting this to be bf vs ff.

I respect everyones right to choose how to feed their baby.

I haven been bf my lo for 5 months and am very proud of that fact. I have had very little problems and been fortunate enough to have avoided mastitis and thrush so far but its still been so bloody hard.

I have close friends that have babies amd chose to ff . I feel that i can't talk about it for fear of them thinking im getting at them or getting into a whole debate.

I also find that people find its's acceptable to make comments to a mum in regard to bf. 'Maybe theyre not getting enough' "They need water' 'no one else gets to feed, when you giving a bottle'. They wouldn't dream of making such comments to a mother whos ff or criticize her for her choice.

This is also extended to medical professionals. Here ff babies are weighed when born and again when transfered to hv. No weigh ins with midwife on return from hospital. where as bf babies are weighed on return fron hispital then 5 days then weekly. Apparently this is because they know how much ff babies are getting. Its like they are going back on the whole 'breast is best' and expecting you to fail. Or should be the same policy regardless of method of feeding.

I'm proud of breastfeeding my second child. It's been long and painful at times and very demanding. I had to overcome a lot of shame I felt about my body in order to feed in public. I have had negative comments from every direction, bottle feeding from birth is 100% standard in my circles to the point that neither of my grandmothers breastfed nor any of my aunts or cousins. I had to learn it alone and people were very hostile. Nobody has ever said anything positive about it so I allow myself to give myself a quiet pat on the back :)
That being said I bottle fed my first daughter almost from birth and I'm not the least bit ashamed of that. I feel like I could have breastfed her with more support and but she's thriving and well and happy and I don't really think about it.

OP I know exactly what you mean because all I see on Facebook & Instagram is “Oh this post makes me feel guilty because I couldn’t or I feel inadequate I had to use a bottle.”

You feel as though you can’t be proud of the fact you got through weeks of cluster feeding, feeding your second through hours & hours of feeding in a sling while making sure older DC were occupied & happier.

& to those oh it’s like pooing I don’t see men breastfeeding?

It’s hard, if you EBF you get all sorts of comments from what about the father feeding? Oh we don’t see him because you’re feeding, you’re sexually abusing your child if you breastfeed past 6 months etc.

No one says crap like that to FF mums.

I think you are right to be proud! I was the proud the other day when hv weighed my bf baby and I saw how much she'd actually grown, I was proud of my body that it had sustained my child so well, no need for any nasty comments about doing a crap ffs what the hell is wrong with some people!

I’m sad to read some of the posts on this thread.

My take on it, OP: yanbu to feel proud, but YWBU to discuss it with friends unless you had very carefully “read the room”. There is so much sanctimonious BS spouted from every side of this debate, and it can really hurt/feel personal as a new mum to feel like one should be BFing , but can’t. It absolutely feels like a personal failure to many women, despite all the ££££ that formula companies chuck at the market.

So, no, I would never (or rarely, anyway) share that I was proud of BFing, even though I had a very tough time of it early on and really had to try very hard to keep going. I’d not want to alienate or inadvertently hurt a friend whose circumstances or frame of mind I wasn’t privy to.

I think the difference is some mothers who bf as superior because for some reason think ff is the equivalent of feeding your child McDonald's everyday or something. In reality it makes no difference whatsoever if you bf or ff in the long term. So putting yourself through pain, infections and illness and basically Martyr yourself for your child because for some reason you think they won't be healthy if you don't is a bit silly.

Yanbu. I am proud that I BF because it was painful and hard but I did it because I believed it to be the best thing for me and my baby.

I wouldnt give a shit about takling to anyone about it though so not sure why you have to.

op, you should be proud, bf is bloody hard work and the fact you've done it deserves credit

I didnt realise the level of abuse you'd get here for saying that, times have changed since I bf.

I managed to lose a lot of weight.

My friends who hadn't managed to lose weight would get very angry that we'd been following the same diet but they hadn't lost any.

I couldn't exactly brag for persevering and 'pushing through' physical discomfort to do the thing that was important to me, when they hadn't done that and had given up.

Just reminded me of this thread.

I think a lot of the hurtful things said by each side would lessen a bit if ff mums were supported and felt no one would judge them for saying 'fuck this, it's not for me'.

Be proud, im proud to have breastfed my children too. It's pretty much the only thing in my life that I've been determined to do and stuck it out even on hard days. And over the years there have been lots of very hard days - mastitis, thrush, cluster feeding, feeding while recovering from a c section, feeding a premmie baby, feeding in public at 17 and wanting the ground to swallow me up I felt so ashamed etc but I kept going. That's not me saying women who can't breastfeed are less than me, or not as good a mum or love their babies any less. I certainly don't go around shouting about how I feel, and I wouldn't rub it in anyone's face. I'd liken it to how i feel about natural births - I've never had one, with any of my 4. I can't give birth naturally. And I wish I could, I wish my body could do what's it's suppose to. But it's not my fault it can't, and other women being proud about giving birth naturally don't upset me, I feel happy for them. It doesn't take anything away from my experience as a mum

I am beyond proud with my second child that I fought of the bullying witch of a midwife (whom admitted she was simply trying hard to meet her bf target!!! How is her target about my baby and me?!) I clawed back my life and choose to ff against all the odds because bf made me feel so isolated alone and depressed.
Because I ff my baby I was able to enjoy motherhood in a way I could only dream of the first time around.
I am proud I did not bow to pressure, I am proud I put us first and I am very proud of the healthy beautiful intelligent girl she is today.

We are all proud op, of many things.

OP you should be proud - bf is relentless, tough on your body and means you don't often get a break. FF is easier, which is why the majority of U.K. women do so despite the clear benefits of bf. That's fine, it's a woman's choice what to do with her body, but there's no need to tell bf mothers that they can't be proud of persevering just because the majority choose not to or are unable to. Well done.

Mimi I’m not quite sure I understand the question. I do run as it happens but I’m not a vegetarian.

OP, just one question. Why didn't you post this on the baby boards rather than AIBU. I'm immediately suspicious of any poster who does this kind of thing and always think they are being just plain goady.

So putting yourself through pain, infections and illness and basically Martyr yourself for your child because for some reason you think they won't be healthy if you don't is a bit silly

Ouch. Well, that was exactly what I did.

And I'm not going to go into the 'This is the research/reason why I felt bf was important to me' because it's clear from this thread that that would hurt a lot of people.

As your statement would...

Well done.

Ff get criticism a lot. As mum to a 5mo I failed to breastfeed successfully I know this to be true.

Congratulations on making it to 5 months.

Op I think people are being harsh to say you shouldn't be proud. I think you should be proud. I think it's a sensitive subject because most mothers put their heart and soul into caring for their baby's and it's hard work regardless of how they are fed. When someone says they are proud of breastfeeding it can make some people who ff think 'well if you're proud, what should I feel? Ashamed? because my baby was formula fed?'. When every mother is trying their best it can make them feel inferior or inadequate.

I know that's not the intention of the person who feels proud to make others feel this way but it can be the consequence.

Is a very contentious subject thoigh. Just be quietly pleased.

Research can be laid out in a way to suit anything. In the long run, bf makes no difference to a person's health.. long term diet, exercise and living environment does..

I'm quietly proud of persevering with BF despite a really rough start - very limited skin to skin at the start, prolonged jaundice meaning he wouldn't feed and lost 13% of his birth weight, expressing every 3 hours, a week in hospital while he had phototherapy, the insane cluster feeding. And he's now thriving and the height of a 6 month old at 4 months.

But I know so much of it is luck. We were unlucky starting out and fortunately we got the hang of it. It's a two person job and both of you need to get it.

To look at it differently, I reckon you could also be proud of getting your baby to take a bottle if s/he has been EBF and dead against it but again there's a lot of luck involved.

It's ok to feel privately pleased, but YABU to want to express those thoughts in front of other mothers who are FF.
In my opinion that is a weird and unpleasant thing to want to do. It would be like my husband saying he is proud his parents lived longer than mine.
I would have loved to bf longer than I did, but I struggled to produce enough milk for a baby who fed at inconsistent times, had inverted nipples, and went back to work when he was 12 weeks old.
I struggled with mild PND, and felt ashamed that I wasn't successful at bf. I was on the receiving end of mild distain from some the bf mothers I knew.
Keep your smug thoughts to yourself.

Fgs. Why do people write this sanctimonious crap. I bf, some friends did some didn't. Didn't occur to me to pat myself on the back.

For the same reason some folk post aggressive, rude nonsense, I guess.