Teacher described me as hopeless

[Bluepeony]

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

The point about saying something wouldn't be to make the teacher feel awful or score points in some way, but to probe further into the 'hopeless' comment and either get their advice (presumably they've seen it all!) or address any misconception. I wouldn't raise it just for the sake of making it known that you heard (stings though!).

That’s a huge and unrelated leap.an unguarded comment about a parent in no way means teacher is prejudiced to SEN pupils
Put the pitchforks down. In RL inc staff rooms teachers talk about parents.get over it

Rudgie You could do that... and the staffroom would have a very enjoyable chat over coffee and cake... discussing how fucking unreasonable some hopeless parents can be! They can find the time and gumption to complain bit god forbid Little Tarquin gets his homework in.

They will all enjoy it - a lot. You will break up the monotony quite nicely.

As an ex-teacher I can admit that, once the sheer gut clenching terror of "Oh shit, will this bitch lose me my job?" has passed all that is left is utter contempt for parents who can't just work out that teachers are human and, at the end of a working day when forced to contact parents to chase down homework, can be a bit absent minded and even rude!

So yes, make a complaint. Be that parent.

I didn’t mean to drip it. It’s mumsnet, I assumed people would realise I was talking about my child. He is 11.

the Teacher was a DICK and highly inappropriate.. you should call her out on it face to face... and make sure she knows that when she's phoning a parent.. she needs to remember she hang up properly before slagging the parents credibility and parenting skills

Just let it go. I'm sure much worse has been said about you (not necessarily by her), but in life. Really just move on from it.

So what did she want you to do about it??

What Corbyn said + Samphire's very good-humoured anecdote.

Chill.

The question, for me, is this: Why is it getting to you?

I'm interested. I'm not shouting at you, or telling you you're a bad person. It's clear it has upset you - do you want to talk about/think about why?

You see, if that happened to me, my response would be determined by so many things. Mostly, my relationship with my children's teachers is so remote that I would barely register that - I'd forget it within half an hour, or even less. I have other stuff going on that takes more attention.

But, if it hit a nerve, or if it was based in some deeper situation, or if I'd thought I had a really great relationship with that teacher (some of my children's teachers I have really liked, and I do hope it was reciprocated) and was a bit hurt to find out they thought less than well of me, or if my self-esteem was a bit wobbly generally - then I might dwell on it.

Confession: I have done the 'telephone not properly put down/email sent to the wrong person' thing. And it is horrendous. And you have to grovel - grovel, grovel, grovel - over what was, really, a throwaway comment but has been turned into incontrovertible stone. It's so, so awful. So I really, really cut people slack over stuff like this.

So hand on heart OP, was this the very first time school have contacted you over this kind of thing? Or Is your child habitually late, forgets PE kit, money for trips, homework etc? For them to call you hopeless I highly doubt it's the first incident.

Blue What did you say?

StarGazy I wasn't kidding when said teachers really respect a parent who could come up with a response like the one Lazy outlined.. and my mug! It is immediately obvious that you have been a bit loose lipped, that the parent knows and has decided to be amused... but to put you on your mettle.

Parents like that help make a year pass by quite pleasantly! They are a nice challenge, often become great allies against lazy students.

This is like pulling teeth.

There must be a reason why the teacher thinks you're hopeless?

i am amazed and impressed by a teacher who is that dedicated that she calls the parents about homework. It's more usual to leave a note in the communication book, or to request a meeting.

I would be grateful that she is that involved, and take it on board. You shouldn't have heard her, but she might have a point if the homework situation is so bad she has to call.

I think some of you are all Yo!strident with a sassy response online.All dis and dat
In RL probably don’t say boo to the goose. So big it up online,encouraging strangers to be gobby
Life is to short to constantly have beef with people about an ill judged comment
Teacher was inappropriate, yes. But really that’s it.No further action required

I expect he'll get his homework done and handed in on time in future.

Job done.

Odd phrasing though. T is talking on the phone to X. Over shoulder, whilst still on phone says "X is hopeless".

You'd think (even given she'd forgotten to hang up) she'd say something like "this mother is hopeless" as we have to presume she was talking to another teacher who knows exactly who you are. Very small school is it?

Awlookatmybabyspider- you get boring after a while.

Definitely put in a complaint. If shes saying that about you. Do you honestly think she's saying anything different about children who are struggling with SEN.

Jesus, do you want a vaulting pole for that massive leap?

I really can’t think of anything.

Attendance and punctuality fine. Child achieving very well. I don’t know why she said it

With respect, it does sound that she may have a point in referring to you as hopeless, it sounds like this regularly happens and she has eventually come to that conclusion due to your (in)actions. What this whole thing really means is that either you or your child is not taking the responsibility of handing in homework seriously enough. Calling you hopeless and you overhearing it is a red herring - the deeper issue is with the attitude of you or your child. I would suck this up and not refer to it (you'd come across as immature to reference it) and have a good, honest think about where you might have gone wrong. So, YABU.

How interesting, Samphire. I'd be a scared to do the mug thing but glad that kind of thing is recieved in good humour!

So the child is 11 yrs. How many pieces of missing homework?

Not sure why its you thats hopeless if your kid hasnt done their homework.

Stop over thinking it then
It was an ill advised throwaway comment.
People make comments in the moment that they don’t necessarily expect to be held to account over

Don't complain. Do something sweetly passive aggressive to let them know you've heard it and haven't forgotten. Repeated references to "hopeless" in convo, perhaps?

If your child is doing well at school, and this is the first call you’ve had about homework - let it go. Who cares? We all talk about each other all the time. .

If it’s the tenth call about homework, be mortified, sort the situation out and let the comment go. We all talk about each other all the time.

Why are you so concerned what a random teacher thinks of you?

How do you work that out dontwant?