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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:
Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 20/01/2018 17:18

If it happens again maybe tell them you are happy if they give him a detention over it?

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 20/01/2018 17:18

It was a phone call, you do NOT know it was said about you.

Was it your homework, your daughters homework or someone else’s?

Anyway, even if it was about you, are you really going to be that parent!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 20/01/2018 17:18

Did you make an excuse for him?

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 17:18

We don't know either OP. You're not clear or giving relevant info.

Gemini69 · 20/01/2018 17:19

I think you sound very nice OP.. not hopeless atall... just a normal Mother getting on with your day... Flowers

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:20

MiniMum Start with - he is 11, not in primary any more...

Then we can work through all the other errors... Hint: teachers don't set parents any tasks, we set the student homework that will help them understand their subjects. If we set too much it just means that the Goviots have interfered again, made the syllabus bigger, timescales shorter and/or have decided that 11 year olds need to be able to synthesise information as well as spell it!

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:20

I’ve given all the info wolfie

My son didn’t hand in his homework and I got a phone call about it. He’s 11.

I don’t know why some people are being so rude.

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 17:21

Blue sweetheart, you honestly overthinking this!

She’s not your friend, she isn’t a relative, she isn’t your boss.

It. does. not. Matter. What. She. Thinks. Of. You.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:21

Yes, he is in primary!

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 20/01/2018 17:21

maybe he never turns in his homework and blames you 😁😁

This is likely to be the case. I think you need to arrange a meeting with this teacher to find out exactly what's going on. Then she would definitely know you heard her comment and it might just revise her opinion of you.

There's probably more of a back story than just one missed homework either way.

Christmascardqueen · 20/01/2018 17:21

OP your responses are too brief, no detail. The tone of your posts are flat.
5 pages on you’re not coming across well.

WorraLiberty · 20/01/2018 17:21

But why would you describe me as either frustrating or hopeless for being polite?

What made you jump to that conclusion? Confused

It's nothing to do with your politeness and everything to do with your lack of communication.

There's very little detail in anything you're saying, which makes people have to virtually drag it out of you.

Strange, considering you started this thread to presumably have a discussion.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:24

You said he is 11... last year primary / 1st year secondary. Both years he should be able to do his own homework... and needs to if he is to succeed.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:25

Well, I’m sorry ... I thought I’d answered questions. I’m not sure if I missed something. Or maybe I am hopeless. I don’t know.

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 20/01/2018 17:27

Blue It's AIBU.

One of my friends once explained to me that the way to use forums is to make a cup of coffee, choose a thread, pitch in, have a vicious argument, and emerge, with all the stresses of the day washed away from you.

I was a bit shocked.

Most of MN isn't like that. As you can see from this thread, a lot of AIBU isn't like that. But AIBU is the place most like that.

You have to bear it in mind.

Also, we are strangers. We weren't there. We don't know you or the teacher. So we have to rely on you for the contextual thickening that can help you work out what it all means. It's become quite clear that you can;t provide the contextual thickening.

Ultimately - sadly - I think you're question is unanswerable. Nobody here is going to be able to tell you what the meaning of the remark was because it just requires contextual adumbration.

I suspect that something of the answer lies in you getting to the bottom of why it's upset you/had an impact on you.

diddl · 20/01/2018 17:27

"maybe he never turns in his homework and blames you "

Why would he not be being told that it is his homework, not his mum's?

Op, I agree that your first post could have been a lot clearer/informative, but if I had a phone call out of the blue about an 11yr olds forgotten homework with no previous communication, I'd probably just be saying "well, er ok then, I'll remind him".

So if that would make me hopeless to the teacher, then so be it!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:27

Worra is right, Blue.

It has been like pulling teeth trying to get enough info out of you to get a full picture of what happened. As you started the thread to elicit opinions it has been quite frustrating to have to drag every piece of info out of you. Look, we're 6 pages in and have only known he is 11 AND still in primary for a few posts!

spiney · 20/01/2018 17:27

Personally I find it tricky talking to teachers about the kids sometimes. It can be very coded
ie they're a character = they're naughty, they're doing fine = they're average, very talkative = talks too much. These are bad examples, can't think at the moment.

Teachers are just human. I am sure parents are a massive pain in the bum a lot of the time. Are you hopeless ? You know the answer.

If you are = get a grip and try to tighten things up
If you aren't ( and you seem mystified by this comment ) when you see this teacher again ask casually
" is little Peony doing ok? Is there anything I can help with?"

Everything else is pretty irrelevant really. I wouldn't be interested in calling this teacher out personally. I couldn't be bothered. Move on.

Love Samphire's Strength story!

bastardkitty · 20/01/2018 17:28

People are being rude because it's AIBU. The teacher behaved completely unprofessionally. I would speak to the head and expect a personal apology from the teacher. But no, it's AIBU so people find it essential to come here and have a go and tell the OP to prove that she's not the thing the teacher called her. It's a load of old bollocks really. Hopefully the teacher will check that she's disconnected the call next time she wants to slag off a parent.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:28

Well, what do you want to know?

As to be honest it has felt like worra has just been unpleasant for the hell of it. Maybe that’s not the case but that’s how it feels.

OP posts:
TheletterZ · 20/01/2018 17:30

Hang on ladies, please be a bit gentler to the op. She is hurt and puzzled by an overheard comment, which is a hurtful thing to overhear.

It really doesn’t matter if she is hopeless or, not the teacher should not have said that when she could overhear. The op has not said she wants to complain or demand an apology. This kind of comment would play on my mind a lot and I would over-think it.

Phone calls from school are always hard to deal with, apart from saying you will make sure your child has their homework tomorrow not sure what else you can say. At 11, year 6, they should be getting a lot more independent with homework.

thecatfromjapan · 20/01/2018 17:31

"your question" not "you're".

Your answers are a little flat, brief and lacking in detail.

There's no crime in having that kind of response. That may be because you don't want to throw yourself, like a plate of spaghetti, at random strangers on the internet. It may be that his is how you interact, with yourself and others. It does, however, make any kind of intra-subjective, or even therapeutic, exchange nigh on impossible. Which, again, means that you are unlikely to get an answer to your question.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 17:31

Thanks, theletter

OP posts:
Jacobismyboy · 20/01/2018 17:31

Sorry but you do seem fairly hopeless.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2018 17:32

Worra is blunt. It can be useful sometimes and yes, this is AIBU!

I don't want to know anything now! My opinion hasn't changed. The teacher made a mistake. It made you feel awful, angry, confused. You have 2 choices:

  1. Talk to her... I outlined a start and would agree that you have every reason to let her know you overheard her.
  2. Be so very British, pretend it didn't happen, move on.