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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 22:38

It’s also true that I am not enormously attractive, that some people have body odour, that some people have bad teeth or greasy hair.

Something being true doesn’t mean it needs to be shared. But you know this and I feel you’re being deliberately as provocative as possible without breaking the guidelines.

OP posts:
RavenWings · 20/01/2018 22:38

Ravenwings it was a piece of homework! Nothing more. No need to involve a parent for that surely. Btw. I am a mother of 2 teenagers

For a one off missing piece of homework I agree - I wouldn't call home for that. I would if it happened repeatedly.

The cheek however I'd rein them in hard, and if it was a continual attitude problem you bet I'd talk to the parents.

But it just amuses me to see "it's the teachers problem if the work isn't completed, they must be shit". Fair enough if that's how you want to be, but I hope the same people won't be whining then if the school isn't working with them on any issues that pop up.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 22:38

I have no energy, that’s the problem.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 22:52

Erm no.
People often gossip. It isn't always kind. The teacher sounds like they were really frustrated with you. If you can't get your 11 year old to do HW for a couple of weeks then I can kind of see why. You're determined to make this about someone else being rude instead of trying to understand why they may have said it.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 22:55

And you really can’t imagine that after a long period in hospital I am still weak, exhausted and need lots of sleep.

Conceded, I’m struggling to parent effectively. But that’s really not my fault. I’m not going to make people make me feel bad for it.

OP posts:
Catkins0877 · 20/01/2018 22:57

I would be very upset by this too.I'd make appointment to see the teacher.Calmly tell her that you are aware now of your sons outburst.You want to make sure you act in a manner that's not deemed hopeless(ie).....and you'd like to look further into why your son responded this way as its most unusual for him?.....in my own opinion children sometimes children respond this way if cornered or ridiculed maybe? It's an unusual response and something must have triggered it.

Also I'd be 100 percent sure you get full story from your son.I've three teenage sons and I've learned the embarrsing way mine haven't always been totally honest when they've done something stupid.:(:(

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 22:57

Your initial posts indicated you felt the comment was more than just rude but completely unjustified. You're now saying it was rude but totally justified. I'm confused.
The teacher wasn't intending to make you feel bad. They were just venting their own frustration and clearly didn't intend you to hear.
It's not about fault. It's about trying to make things better.

Dahlietta · 20/01/2018 23:02

I agree you could have saved us a lot of puzzling by starting with all this, but I agree you should make an appointment to see the teacher. Tell her you heard what she said, but also explain to her the difficulties you are having.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 23:03

Wolfie, based on my polite response to the teacher, I feel that to say I was hopeless was unjustified.

If - and this turned out not to be the case but the teacher initially gave this impression- that my son hadn’t given in a piece of homework, which I didn’t see as being a particularly big deal in the scheme of things but I apologised and promised to ensure to have it in ASAP. That’s not being hopeless.

When I spoke to ds he gave me the impression he’d been rude and pretty surly form what he said to the teacher. Do I want to sanction this, yes, but I am aware I may not be able to.

I so haven’t the energy to keep this going back and forth!

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 23:04

Does the school know about your situation?

I have to agree with Dahlie this thread would have gone very differently (and much more sympathetically) if you’d started with this information.

RavenWings · 20/01/2018 23:07

I think making an appointment with the teacher wouldn't be a bad idea, so that she is aware you've been in hospital (phone call would work too). You don't have to give any details of it obviously but if they're seeing a sudden attitude change from your son occurring at the same time you went into hosp (or his homework not being done properly at that time too), that may help explain it. Once they know they can keep an eye on him.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 23:08

They know this, yes.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 23:09

I give up!
You say you may well not be able to get your child to do HW but that hopeless isn't reasonable. You can be polite and hopeless at the same time.
You seemed determined to get people to agree the teacher was BU instead of looking at ways to improve things.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 23:10

And again, that information would have made a massive difference to how all 15 pages if this thread had gone.

Hope you feel better soon.

Dogsfoxes · 20/01/2018 23:22

I dont monitor my childrens homework AT ALL. That is not something i am prepared to do

That aside, OP i think you should go and see the teacher and tell her you heard what she said and you think it was untrue and that you have been ill etc. I think you will stop stewing on it then. And it should help the daft teacher to be more careful in future

Christmascardqueen · 20/01/2018 23:46

OP it really really shows that you are unwell.
you should call the teacher to discuss your son's attitude.

Lizzie48 · 20/01/2018 23:47

Wolfiefan, have you even read the OP's last few posts? She was in HOSPITAL. She's entitled to be a little bit hopeless, and it's not all that surprising if her DS is a little bit surly.

Wolfiefan · 21/01/2018 00:00

But the initial claim was there was no reason to be called that and the teacher was being completely U.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 21/01/2018 00:01

I was correct. By your responses and lack of ability to communicate, you do seem hopeless. I am sorry you have been ill but that is for you to find a way to also parent your son. Do you have anyone who can help you with him?

All of this information would have been useful on the first few pages.

Originalfoogirl · 21/01/2018 00:02

Given the massive drip feed, which shows this has actually been a deeper issue, I’m wondering why your response to the teacher wasn’t more forthcoming than “I’ll make sure he does it”. In your situation I would have apologised and explained.

And before you go all “my healthcare problems are none of her business” Of course they are. If she has an eleven year old boy in her class who is rude, unco-operative and not doing homework, and a mother who apparently doesn’t give a crap, having that background information helps her to understand his behaviour and deal with it in a different way.

It certainly puts a different spin on the comment “she wouldn’t care”. If you’ve been in hospital for weeks that is bound to have had an effect on him and maybe, in his head, with you being absent for that time and not even back to normal now, he may well actually think you wouldn’t care. And not just about his homework. So, instead of slagging off this teacher, maybe sit down with your son and ask him how he is doing.

Lizzie48 · 21/01/2018 00:15

*Originalfoogirl
*
It certainly puts a different spin on the comment “she wouldn’t care”. If you’ve been in hospital for weeks that is bound to have had an effect on him and maybe, in his head, with you being absent for that time and not even back to normal now, he may well actually think you wouldn’t care. And not just about his homework. So, instead of slagging off this teacher, maybe sit down with your son and ask him how he is doing.

This 100% spot on.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 21/01/2018 00:41

Originalfoogirl Well said.

sooooooonowwhat · 21/01/2018 00:46

FWIW Bluepeony I don't think you are hopeless at all, and I think some posters are being very nasty and judgemental to someone who is clearly having a difficult time. I also think 11-year-olds, whether they are having a hard time or not, are still kids and can make mistakes, it doesn't mean there's something innately wrong with the way they are being raised or their parents. Please try not to take the negative comments to heart and take care of yourself. Flowers

MidniteScribbler · 21/01/2018 00:59

it was a piece of homework! Nothing more. No need to involve a parent for that surely.

And here's where you are in a no win situation as a teacher.

Ring the parents - why the hell are you bothering me? It's got nothing to do with me. They're your responsibility between 8:30 and 3:30 and I'm not going to waste my time forcing them to do homework.

Don't ring the parents - Why the hell didn't you tell me he didn't hand in his homework? I'm ringing your principal to complain about you being a slack teacher and not informing me about what is going on with little Tarquin.

Catkins0877 · 21/01/2018 01:14

I agree with sooooooonowwhat last post.well said.Please ignore negativity.