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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:
LesLavandes · 20/01/2018 20:57

It is simply ridiculous for a teacher to threaten a child with 'telling on him to his mum' that he didn't hand in his homework. Laughable. She should have dealt with that in school

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 20:58

I don’t think the OP has bitched but I would imagine if the teacher is an MNer she’ll be able to recognise herself.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 20:59

Well, if she is, no harm done? I haven’t said anything bad.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/01/2018 21:01

Exactly, so what if the teacher is on mn.op isn’t out of turn.shes been v measured

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 21:02

No, but the whole staff room might end up reading the thread.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 21:09

And ... ?

OP posts:
ovenchips · 20/01/2018 21:09

OP It's really not pleasant overhearing someone being mean about you. That has happened to me too (more than once) and it really stings.

However, the point about overhearing is that the person is really not intending you to hear it - because it's rude and hurtful and we don't really deal with each other directly in such a blunt manner.

I would say sleep on it and hopefully you'll feel less bothered in the morning. In a funny way, the comment wasn't really personal, it was someone letting off steam and you were someone she could let off steam about, thinking it was consequence free.

If it were me, it would have hurt my feelings but I wouldn't take it any further - it was an 'accidental' rudeness and I think it's better if you can try to brush it off. Shit happens.

It isn't evidence that you are hopeless. It is just evidence that when we think aloud we say things far more bluntly and strongly than we would say directly to a person.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/01/2018 21:10

And the point is what?

ButchyRestingFace · 20/01/2018 21:12

No, but the whole staff room might end up reading the thread.

Then they'll learn a valuable lesson about ensuring the receiver is in the cradle (assuming old fashioned school phone here) and the call terminated before allowing bitchin' to commence.

Sorted.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 21:12

Ok, well as this thread has already shown, we all have different attitudes to things.

Best of luck OP, I hope you get both your son and the teacher sorted out.

RavenWings · 20/01/2018 21:13

It is simply ridiculous for a teacher to threaten a child with 'telling on him to his mum' that he didn't hand in his homework. Laughable. She should have dealt with that in school

People on here are forever banging on about how parents and school should work in partnership (and I agree!). If that's what parents want, they need to be prepared to back up the school when their child is in the wrong.

Mookatron · 20/01/2018 21:14

And in that partnership not bitch about people within their hearing Grin

RavenWings · 20/01/2018 21:23

No I'm with you on that one Grin

Parents can bitch about teachers, teachers can bitch about parents - just keep the two groups in blissful ignorance that the other one is doing that!

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 21:43

I’ll try and speak to her on Monday and establish exactly what happened.

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 20/01/2018 21:52

It's no wonder the teacher doesn't ring you about your kids

My school rings me quite often about my daughter. We have a lot to discuss about her disability.

But despite the fact she has forgotten her homework a few times over the years (I’m of the “it’s your responsibility” attitude) the school have never once called me to tell me she doesn’t have it. They called me once to tell me she had no packed lunch and I’d have deserved a hopeless comment for that. It does seem a little extreme to call about one set of forgotten homework, assuming it’s only a blip on what’s apparently an impeccable record. Even with his rudeness, I can’t see it explained. I can imagine the comment “what would your mum say” being rhetorical. To follow up with a phone call would be unusual.

LesLavandes · 20/01/2018 22:01

Ravenwings it was a piece of homework! Nothing more. No need to involve a parent for that surely. Btw. I am a mother of 2 teenagers

Sumo1 · 20/01/2018 22:11

I would come down hard on a 11 year old for telling teacher an untruth - that you wouldn't care. They'd be nose to the grindstone doing homework until every bit was done,as soon as I got in every night for a week or two.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 22:13

Actually enforcing that may prove difficult Sad

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 22:15

But Blue that kind of answer make me wonder about the teacher’s side of the story.

Gemini69 · 20/01/2018 22:19

I'd see her alone... and tell her you heard her .... Grin

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 22:20

I still don’t think hopeless is an appropriate word.

Sorry if that sounds all sniffy Blush but I don’t.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 22:30

Hang on. You can't enforce your child doing HW for a couple of weeks? But hopeless isn't appropriate?

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 22:31

Oh, wolfie, yes. If that makes you feel good.

Still doesn’t mean she had to say it.

I’ve been in hospital actually. Things have gone awry obviously.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 22:35

Why not if it is true?! I'm sorry it upset you but maybe instead of being cross with the teacher you could be honest about why it may have been said and what you can do to change the situation.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 22:36

Blue you can be sniffy if you like. It’s only MN. Grin I won’t take it personally.

There’s no question that the teacher shouldn’t have said it.

I’m sorry you’ve been unwell. Personally I’d focus my energies on getting my DS back on track and not worry about this.

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