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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:

Beeziekn33ze · 20/01/2018 19:08

Nor do I!

Originalfoogirl · 20/01/2018 19:09

‘Joe’s mum’s hopeless.’ or ‘she is hopeless isn’t she,’

So, which one was it? Joe’s name only appeared later once it was pointed out she might not have been talking about you.

MammaTJ · 20/01/2018 19:09

I have a DS age 11. I expect him to sort his own homework, ask for help if needed, then hand it in. All his responsibility. At the moment, he is choosing to deny he has homework, deliberately leave it in school and then take the punishment school give him (staying in at lunch time to complete homework). The school send me a message on Parentmail advising me this has happened and every time they do, he gets a tech ban, so no PS, I remove his phone from him.

I am so glad they don't ring me for a chat every time though. They know I am trying to instill responsibility rather than take it all on myself and agree with this.

I hope they don't think I am hopeless because of DSs choices!

You should not have heard the teacher say that about you. They should not have even said it. 11 is actually old enough to sort their own homework!

ilovesooty · 20/01/2018 19:09

I agree. Not liking her is irrelevant.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/01/2018 19:11

I would maybe bring it up just to say that you don't think the phone was put down properly so staff can make sure it is in future.
It is normal for people to express opinions like this and obviously hurtful if overheard but they potentially could be discussing much more sensitive information another time.

Thistlebelle · 20/01/2018 19:12

original I believe that the OP has stated more than once that the teacher specifically used her son’s name.

Original poster

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 19:12

I know ils, just not really known him be this rude before? Not to teachers or to anyone really.

OP posts:

Thermostatpolice · 20/01/2018 19:12

What lonesurvivor said.

That's a horrible thing to hear. Particularly if she's only known you since Christmas and your DS is a model student. Ask her for clarification.

sooooooonowwhat · 20/01/2018 19:14

Teacher doesn't sound very nice and just because your ds said you wouldn't care doesn't make YOU hopeless OP! Yes, of course your ds shouldn't have said that you wouldn't care but based on the way she has decided you are 'hopeless' based on one incident maybe she isn't the most likeable person anyway.

She was bang out of order and I would ask her what made her think you were hopeless and take it from there, maybe explain to her that something an 11-year-old tells shouldn't always be taken at face value.

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 19:14

I agree that whether he likes the teacher is completely irrelevant. Your comment seeks to justify his rudeness. I can see why they may think it was hopeless to ask for your support in dealing with your son. Is he often rude?

RavenWings · 20/01/2018 19:15

Teacher says she will inform mum and child responds by saying go on then, she won’t care - that’s different, and I feel she should have let me know.

You're right that's different, what a cheeky thing to say! I'm surprised she didn't tell you that was the issue. I wouldn't let a kid away with that. If the parents condoned their child speaking in that way repeatedly (can think of a few like that I've ran into) I'd definitely class them as hopeless. But again not as a one off.

The teacher was annoyed because she didn't get a reaction out of you, she was effectively rapping your knuckles too and you should have been beside yourself with shame and assured her that this wasn't good enough and would never ever happen again on your watch. But because you remained calm and didn't die of embarrassment over one incident of lost homework you're classed forever more as hopeless

What, a reaction like wanting to correct their child? How unreasonable to think most parents would want to do that. I'm not sure where your hyperbole about being besides yourself with shame came from, but it was an interesting snippet of creative writing all the same.

Original poster

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 19:15

No, but before deeming me hopeless it might have helped to explain the full context.

OP posts:

JacquesHammer · 20/01/2018 19:18

I'd be concerned about a teacher who didn't have the sense to ensure a phone was hung up before she started bitching about parents.

I wouldn't complain. I would, however, if I saw her raise it calmly and let her give her side of the situation. Which hopefully would be an apology and learning a good life lesson!

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 19:18

I think they had already made that judgement based on previous interaction with you. She wouldn't make a comment like that to a colleague unless she thought they would agree with her.

user789653241 · 20/01/2018 19:25

I think Wolfiefan has a point. I just can't imagine any teacher making that comment without previous knowledge to a collegue, unless she was talking about someone else.

GottadoitGottadoit · 20/01/2018 19:26

You would be ridiculous to complain.

Christmascardqueen · 20/01/2018 19:32

Your 11 yr old son is not handing in his homework, told his teacher you won’t care, and says he doesn’t like her.
Sounds like you need to meet with her to see if he is displaying a negitive attitude in class.
Did you bother to ask how important this homework was, will he be marked down for it being late, what percent of his term grade is this piece worth?
Were you at all engaging in the conversation?

GreenSeededGrape · 20/01/2018 19:33

I would absolutely be mentioning to her that you had heard @OP and that a little more information from her would have cleared the situation.

There are a lot of teachers on MN and you're not to think anything other than how hard these people work to educate our dc and be eternally thankful for their selflessness.

And @LoneSurvivor's entire post was spot on.

Kazzyhoward · 20/01/2018 19:33

People in all workplaces will be saying things like that about their customers, pupils, parents, clients, etc. There are facebook pages where teachers are putting up photos of their pupil's silly answers and laughing about them. Forget it and move on.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 20/01/2018 19:33

Put her on the spot with the "did you mean to be so rude?" tilt of head

MrsMaisel · 20/01/2018 19:38

Don't complain. But if she happens to mess up, I would be inclined to not let her off the hook easily.

Original poster

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 19:43

Thanks. Appreciate the variety of replies.

OP posts:

chickenowner · 20/01/2018 19:48

but he doesn’t like this teacher.

Ahh, now we come to the crux of the matter!!

Tistheseason17 · 20/01/2018 19:49

I've read your updates and sorry but you do come across as quite detached and wanting to blame teacher. Conversation are 2 way. You could have asked the teacher questions.

Your son indicated you would not care and your "oh he must have forgot" response was not actually helpful to them.

Teacher does not think YOU are hopeless but prob feels the situation may be.

Did you give your DS any consequences for his behaviour?

It's not a teacher's job to parent a child.

I'd be livid with my DC if I got a call about missing homework and I'd be ensuring the teacher knew I took it seriously.

Original poster

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 19:49

Not really, it hardly excuses being rude.

OP posts:

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