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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher described me as hopeless

424 replies

Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 16:09

I got a phone call yesterday about some missing homework and I responded politely.

Anyway, we had said goodbye and I heard the teacher say to someone else ‘she is hopeless isn’t she, ‘

I get she didn’t mean me to hear but I’m still so angry ... should I say anything?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 19:52

I think the PP means your excusing your son's rudeness by saying he didn't like the teacher explains why they think you're hopeless.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 19:53

Except I didn’t say that ... You know wolfie,you’re really not being all that helpful here?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 20:00

"It's not like him but he doesn't like his teacher."
Using the fact he doesn't like his teacher to justify rudeness.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 20:00

I’m not, I don’t really know what to think.

OP posts:
Geordie1944 · 20/01/2018 20:01

So you come on here and bitch about her, OP? Pot, meet kettle.

Lizzie48 · 20/01/2018 20:01

I personally wouldn't dare to say anything remotely critical of a teacher on here, you literally get lynched by the mumsnet mafia. Grin

If it really is the only time your DS hasn't done his homework then the teacher's comment made no sense, OP. I kind of suspect you haven't kept track and he hasn't told you. You clearly came across as much too laidback.

I don't get why she didn't tell you about the rudeness from your DS, though. How can you know about it if she didn't tell you??

It doesn't excuse her elementary mistake of not hanging up the phone though.

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2018 20:02

It's what you said. That sentence and the word "but" shows an attempt to justify his behaviour by explaining he doesn't like the teacher.
He's being rude.
That's not ok.

Mookatron · 20/01/2018 20:09

I haven't read the whole thread but 4 pages was enough to know that people are being really weird. Are you all teachers? Saying something rude about someone within their hearing, accidentally or not, is fucking rude. Just because it'll stress the teacher out if you complain is no reason not to. All she needs to do is say 'sorry'.

Honestly my mum was a teacher and I am not one of 'those parents' (code for adult who doesn't mildly obey like the good schoolchild they should be) but I sometimes think teachers don't live in the real world. NOWHERE else would that behaviour be acceptable.

chickenowner · 20/01/2018 20:13

I sometimes think teachers don't live in the real world.

Not this old chestnut. In what way is dealing with 30 children not the 'real world' exactly?

ilovesooty · 20/01/2018 20:13

Of course it wouldn't be acceptable in any workplace to let that sort of comment go outside the staffroom or office.

But in this so called real world this sort of comment among many workers would be considered pretty mild.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/01/2018 20:13

Oh come on Geordie everyone on mn is talking about someone/something. That’s the point
Op hasn’t done anything wrong in posting, she’s not been mean,no identifying details
Mn is were folk chew the fat,blow off about stuff

And btw, I hate the expression bitching applied to women having any lively conversation,it’s demeaning

Mookatron · 20/01/2018 20:16

By not living in the real world I mean excusing behaviour by adult professionals that would not be acceptable in any other workplace.

honeyroar · 20/01/2018 20:17

God there are some extremely boring and pompous posters on this thread banging on and on with their criticisms. It's no wonder the teacher doesn't ring you about your kids, they're probably scared they'd never get off the phone (and probably can't get rid of you at parents evening either, one of THOSE parents!). Personally Ive had no problem understanding OP or processing the info she told us right from the start.

I would get into big trouble at work if I spoke about a customer that way in earshot. Most would report me, I'm sure. It was stupid of her (who wouldn't realise that the other person might still hear if you haven't hung up??). It was also bad that she didn't mention that the child had been cheeky. Personally I would ring back and tell her you've just found out he's been cheeking her and would like to know if this happens again as you're not happy with him. Then I might add that you overheard what she said when she rang off, you don't want her to think that and wonder what you can do to change it. Say you want to be involved and be on the same page.

honeyroar · 20/01/2018 20:17

God there are some extremely boring and pompous posters on this thread banging on and on with their criticisms. It's no wonder the teacher doesn't ring you about your kids, they're probably scared they'd never get off the phone (and probably can't get rid of you at parents evening either, one of THOSE parents!). Personally Ive had no problem understanding OP or processing the info she told us right from the start.

I would get into big trouble at work if I spoke about a customer that way in earshot. Most would report me, I'm sure. It was stupid of her (who wouldn't realise that the other person might still hear if you haven't hung up??). It was also bad that she didn't mention that the child had been cheeky. Personally I would ring back and tell her you've just found out he's been cheeking her and would like to know if this happens again as you're not happy with him. Then I might add that you overheard what she said when she rang off, you don't want her to think that and wonder what you can do to change it. Say you want to be involved and be on the same page.

honeyroar · 20/01/2018 20:17

God there are some extremely boring and pompous posters on this thread banging on and on with their criticisms. It's no wonder the teacher doesn't ring you about your kids, they're probably scared they'd never get off the phone (and probably can't get rid of you at parents evening either, one of THOSE parents!). Personally Ive had no problem understanding OP or processing the info she told us right from the start.

I would get into big trouble at work if I spoke about a customer that way in earshot. Most would report me, I'm sure. It was stupid of her (who wouldn't realise that the other person might still hear if you haven't hung up??). It was also bad that she didn't mention that the child had been cheeky. Personally I would ring back and tell her you've just found out he's been cheeking her and would like to know if this happens again as you're not happy with him. Then I might add that you overheard what she said when she rang off, you don't want her to think that and wonder what you can do to change it. Say you want to be involved and be on the same page.

user789653241 · 20/01/2018 20:17

Mook, but do you really think anyone, teacher or not would make that sort of comment without any back story?
OP claims it's the first time he forgot his homework. I really doubt that would be the reaction , unless she misheard.

MatildaTheCat · 20/01/2018 20:18

She was wrong to make the comment and it’s a shame you heard it but to be honest who hasn’t made some sort of similar blunder at some stage? Let it go. You know if you are hopeless or not.

It sounds like she’s taken over a class at a late stage and, if you are in the UK she will be tasked with preparing the class for SATs and transition to senior school so that’s a big ask. Perhaps the class are not well prepared or she feels that they need to learn that very soon they might be in real trouble for skipping homework?

I suspect she was tired on a Friday and was probably hoping for a more engaged response from you. I say this kindly but from what you’ve written it doesn’t sound as if you particularly care whether Joe did his homework and that would be frustrating for her.

honeyroar · 20/01/2018 20:19

Sorry, no idea why that posted 3 times. Makes me a bit boring too!

ilovesooty · 20/01/2018 20:19

Of course that comment would be perfectly acceptable in lots of workplaces. Just not where the customer can hear.

Mookatron · 20/01/2018 20:21

Sure, it's a pretty harmless comment by most standards and I can see how it happened - but if you did it you'd surely expect to have to apologise? You'd think you'd been a bit of a cow, right?! And you also wouldn't blame someone for complaining about it (though most people would be too embarrassed/frightened since it's pretty mortifying to hear yourself bitched about).

Dahlietta · 20/01/2018 20:36

Are you all teachers? Saying something rude about someone within their hearing, accidentally or not, is fucking rude. Just because it'll stress the teacher out if you complain is no reason not to. All she needs to do is say 'sorry'.

Well, I am a teacher, yes. I agree absolutely though that the teacher should not have said this within OP's earshot, of course she shouldn't. The problem is that she doesn't necessarily know she did and she can't apologise until she does. She probably would be very sorry! If I were the OP I would definitely say something in the hope of clearing the air because otherwise I would sit and stew over it.
The other side of the comments on here though is that the OP seems to want to understand why the teacher might have said this. Posters have offered suggestions as to why this might be the case. I don't think many people actually think it's okay that the OP was allowed to hear it.

Original poster
Bluepeony · 20/01/2018 20:36

I haven’t been bitching about her, I don’t think.

I haven’t yet had much to do with her apart from this phone call. I get that it’s frustrating if people feel parents aren’t responding as they should, but I can’t respond appropriately if I only have half a story.

OP posts:
hesterton · 20/01/2018 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 20/01/2018 20:51

" Personally I would ring back and tell her you've just found out he's been cheeking her and would like to know if this happens again as you're not happy with him"

Yes, & that you obviously wouldn't want her to think that you were hopeless & not dealing with it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/01/2018 20:53

You have not bitched in the least
And no identifying details