AIBU ...to be annoyed with MIL's demands as a guest

[heardashot]

The ILs are staying. This morning MIL came in to interfere help with breakfast and declared that FIL would not eat grilled bacon, it had to be fried. All my bacon was under the grill. I had to fish some out and fry it.

Next, cups of tea. MIL makes tea by putting a teabag in milk (ewwwww) and then adding hot water. I must admit that I never do this unless she is stood over me and she has never complained, so I doubt she can even tell the difference. But if she spots me, she tells me how to make her tea.

I was brought up to say thank you if someone gives you a present or something to eat or drink, and never complain about it. If you are out and paying for food and there is something wrong, then have a word yes.

I get buying something that your guests like and you don't have in, FIL likes white bread for example so I got some, but aibu to think that when someone offers you a bacon sandwich or cup of tea, that beyond "no sugar thanks" it is rude for you instruct them how to prepare it? Is is really that difficult to eat a grilled bacon sandwich rather than a fried one?

(They have never ever in my presence complained about a cup of tea when we have been out somewhere.)

£10 says FIL would have eaten the sandwich with the grilled bacon.

It sounds like she's uncomfortable not being in her own house and is clinging to little routines to make herself feel better.

Just don't let her help with any laundry..

She's being ridiculous and trying to cling onto her mother role to give herself importance and status.

Probably the only time she's had tea that way is when she's made it herself - it's as wrong as it can be!

You should stand up to her.

Or better still have a lie in while she cooks the breakfast.

YANBU but just breathe and focus on when they are leaving.

I don’t see why you’re blaming MIL because FIL is being picky about his bacon. Surely that’s his issue and she’s trying to help? Don’t think you should have been the one trying it up though - he should have done it.

I agree that her tea sounds repulsive but oh well. If she tells you what she likes you won’t have dramas. Does she take note of how you like your tea?

Each time she does it why not pass her the implements and say, ‘ok, best if you take over to get it how you like it. Just popping upstairs.’

Meh, as long as she made the bacon and tea herself, I’d let it go. She’s family and FIL
is probably set in his ways.

Wow. Very rude, but can you just let it wash over you? Vent on here or to a friend. Its not worth the mental space to let it bug you.

If it had been your DM telling about your DFs tastes, how would you have felt?

She's a very rude guest. Can you get your husband to keep her out of the kitchen?

That's how I make tea because in our area if you put the milk in at the end it goes scummy. When FIL makes tea in my kitchen I tell him this and he ignores it so I get a cup of scummy tea I can't drink. This has been going on 7 years. YABU.

Show her this: <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DFtK_vfp8po8&ved=0ahUKEwid-_amwebYAhVBJlAKHbr2ADYQyCkIHjAA&usg=AOvVaw3OBJVQeVAz7THf_wV-H2Fe" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DFtK_vfp8po8&ved=0ahUKEwid-_amwebYAhVBJlAKHbr2ADYQyCkIHjAA&usg=AOvVaw3OBJVQeVAz7THf_wV-H2Fe

this is in the midly annoying category surely. I think a lot of parents still see their children and therefore children-in-law as people in need of instruction of how to be a grown up.

I'd be inclined with the 'oh could you make the tea, as I always get it wrong' school of thought.

All my bacon was under the grill. I had to fish some out and fry it.

No you didn't. This is where you are going wrong. I would have said "Oh goody, more for me then."

Either tell her you don't like people in the kitchen with you when you are cooking, or let her do it all.

I'd have refused to fry the bacon as I don't like the smell of fried food in the house so avoid it as much as possible.

BUT, I'm very fussy about how I make my tea so usually apologise in advance and ask if I can do it (or at least part of it) myself!

My MIL always makes my tea that way, drives me nuts. As my user name says I don't even have milk!
She also offers me a biscuit every time. Yet she knows I don't eat them.

I love her to bits though, I'm yet to meet a human that isn't annoying in some way.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat My beef is with MIL because it wasn't FIL that said anything. He was in the sitting room. I don't know whether he would have noticed or complained about grilled instead of fried bacon.

At her house I don't drink tea made my MIL any more. It is disgusting. I never said so of course, I drank it smiled and now drink coffee or a soft drink.

And where's your dh in this? He should be hosting his own parents.

Yes I’d very sweetly regret his missing out on bacon or very charmingly consult her on whether she was going to take pity on him by getting busy with the frying pan.
As long as she didn’t force milkageddon on the rest of the family, I’d let her have her tea how she likes it.

meredintofpandiculation She wouldn't, she brought me up to smile and say thank you. (Allergies aside, which is only one baby with a milk intolerance anyway) no one is that picky that they would instruct someone preparing a meal for them!

womannotcis With his dad in the sitting room. Yes, I'll have a word! Tomorrow I will leave them to it and have a lie in.

Sounds like the ideal opportunity for a deal - in return for providing her with a cup of slop when she visits, you should be allowed to make yourself a nice cuppa at hers - then everyone’s happy, no?

"cup of tea, that beyond "no sugar thanks" it is rude for you instruct them how to prepare it? "

Not sure. I've had tea made in the microwave and it was awful (water hadn't boiled) so if I felt comfortable I might say 'don't bother if you can't boil water'.

I don't care about what goes in what order though.

I'm a coffee loving Yank, and even I know that the teabag or infuser must never touch the milk. And you should have offered him the grilled bacon or no bacon. You're not running a cafe.

You have my sympathies.