AIBU ...to be annoyed with MIL's demands as a guest

[heardashot]

The ILs are staying. This morning MIL came in to interfere help with breakfast and declared that FIL would not eat grilled bacon, it had to be fried. All my bacon was under the grill. I had to fish some out and fry it.

Next, cups of tea. MIL makes tea by putting a teabag in milk (ewwwww) and then adding hot water. I must admit that I never do this unless she is stood over me and she has never complained, so I doubt she can even tell the difference. But if she spots me, she tells me how to make her tea.

I was brought up to say thank you if someone gives you a present or something to eat or drink, and never complain about it. If you are out and paying for food and there is something wrong, then have a word yes.

I get buying something that your guests like and you don't have in, FIL likes white bread for example so I got some, but aibu to think that when someone offers you a bacon sandwich or cup of tea, that beyond "no sugar thanks" it is rude for you instruct them how to prepare it? Is is really that difficult to eat a grilled bacon sandwich rather than a fried one?

(They have never ever in my presence complained about a cup of tea when we have been out somewhere.)

@AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered- that rap is hilarious 😂. I agree with putting the milk in last but my mother always puts it in first and there’s no difference at all in taste. As for the bacon sorry but it’s got to be fried and you can deff taste the difference.

Not cleaning gutters but when either my Mum or mil come they help out my mil rarely stay as they live 20 mins away but my parents stay a lot and they help out all the time I don’t like family feeling like they can’t do things in my home. I’m not big on being formal with loved ones

Next time they visit make her sit down - 'Now don't worry I know how you like your tea' - then do it YOUR WAY, milk in last and give it to her. I'd be so curious to see if she could taste a difference.

“Next time they visit make her sit down - 'Now don't worry I know how you like your tea' - then do it YOUR WAY, milk in last and give it to her. I'd be so curious to see if she could taste a difference.”

Why on earth would you do that? “Oh, can you make the tea, please? White, no sugar for me, milk in last. Thank you!”

Next time they visit make her sit down - 'Now don't worry I know how you like your tea' - then do it YOUR WAY, milk in last and give it to her. I'd be so curious to see if she could taste a difference.

Why? Unless you're a complete control freak.

Why? Unless you're a complete control freak

Think you've nailed it, Duck

😁😁😁

Um, it says exactly why in my post.

Because I would be curious to see if she could taste a difference!! Just as I said 😂

No more no less!

Not making a point, no. Not giving in to my insane desire to be IN CONTROL of her tea. Just interested to see if she could tell it tasted different, as she's so fixated on it.

I certainly couldn't tell, I know I've had tea made by me/for me both of these ways and there is no difference, common sense tells you that. Fair enough weak/strong, but MIF makes no odds. Just looks grim.

Haha at the frothing 😁 I am so sorry to disappoint but I was merely musing on the potential for a scientific experiment.

Still sympathise with the OP.

And anyone who'd go into someone's kitchen when they're doing something nice like cooking everyone breakfast, and ask for stuff that's already being cooked to be done a different way, is a bit of a dick.

If the OP has posted to say she had done this in her MIL's kitchen, everyone would have been horrified at how rude/princess/entitled she was.

Fizzy, it makes no difference if it’s loose leaf tea, poured from a teapot into milk. The leaves mixed with boiling water before they hit the milk so they released their full flavour.

You need boiling water on a teabag for it to taste like it should. If you put cold milk and a teabag in a cup, the water is not hot enough to make the tea correctly when it hits the teabag because it has mixed with cold milk already.

So either you couldn’t tell the difference because your tea came from a teapot, or you just don’t have a great sense of taste when it comes to tea. Your personal experience does not trump that of others, and it also doesn’t trump the science of tea making.

You mention doing a scientific experiment. If you look online you will see plenty have been done...

Agree with the TheDowagerCuntess

Fair enough I was

It's not that important really. My comment was curiosity as to whether she could taste a difference. So an 'experiment' on MIL. Yep I'm sure there are loads of actual studies, that's not what I meant. More... conversation, y'know.

If the OP has posted to say she had done this in her MIL's kitchen, everyone would have been horrified at how rude/princess/entitled she was.

Not if she'd posted that on MN she wouldn't. She'd be told how rude and mean the MIL was not to fry her bacon.

"Not if she'd posted that on MN she wouldn't. She'd be told how rude and mean the MIL was not to fry her bacon."
Rude, mean, controlling and "narc".

Too true.

Not if she'd posted that on MN she wouldn't. She'd be told how rude and mean the MIL was not to fry her bacon

You know that's not true, everyone would have delighted in disagreeing with the OP. Much as they have done on this thread.

For rellies that have stayed before it would be "there you go, help yourself" to everything if outside my normal cooking process, once I was done. I would not stop halfway through to accommodate bacon cooking preferences or tea making preferences. Mind you, I am a firm user of the repeated sentence "out whilst I am cooking".

My [mostly lovely, sometimes bonkers] MIL has extensive opinions on the way I do absolutely everything; fortunately she doesn't often tackle me about them directly any more (I think she has learned after 20 yrs that I will continue to go my own sweet way) but poor DH does get the brunt of it now. She also tends to raise the same things every time she visits, including but not limited to:

• we should microwave our dishcloths for 2 mins every day to kill germs
• we should add a few drops of lavender to the washing machine
• we should turn wet clothes inside out before hanging on washing line to reduce fading (! my one concession to this is on black jeans)
• are we ABSOLUTELY SURE the children have had a drink today? (They are all now over the age of 6 and capable of helping themselves)
• it is a waste of pitta breads to use them as pizza bases... because they are designed to have a pocket in (WTF?)
• we should have a pot/cup to put used teabags in next to the kettle (we don't because the compost bin is very close by)
• when asked if she'd like anything, she asks 'is anyone else having anything?' (I DO NOT CARE MIL, IF YOU WANT A CUPPA, I WILL GLADLY MAKE YOU ONE!)

Can you tell she's arriving tomorrow for a long weekend

Can’t believe this thread is still going nor that I have been drawn back.

I think we should have tea colour charts- deffo useful. Can select your colour Dulux style. Amber or hazlenut brown or builder’s tan & would that be milk pre or post? Teabag in bone china, porcelain or earthen ware mug or cup & lastly teapot brewed or not? (only half-joking)

As regards tea science , how much tea is cooled down by milk I guess will depend on whether tea being brewed separately in a pot.

I kind of agree about the pitta bread!

I actually think a lot of it depends on how it is said/asked for.

Personally, I think it is fine to express a preference. It is different to walk into someone's kitchen whilst they are part-way through cooking and demand they change the way things are being done for your preference, essentially making a separate thing for one person. In addition, a lot can depend on exactly how things are said. The latter is rude IMHO.

It is different to walk into someone's kitchen whilst they are part-way through cooking and demand they change the way things are being done for your preference, essentially making a separate thing for one person.

Exactly - and people defending this are just being contrary, as is the way of AIBU.

I have my MIL staying for a month at the moment, and she wouldn't dream of being so petty.

You can be critical of the behaviour of one person's MIL without white-washing them all as monsters.

The MIL hardly demanded the OP change anything just that FIL liked his bacon fried.
If this had been a blood relative or a friend I doubt there would have been a second thought given let alone a thread on MN.

Yes she did, maybe re-read the OP.

If anyone told me they liked their bacon fried it would not be a problem. But then I don't control how people like their food.

If this had been a blood relative or a friend I doubt there would have been a second thought given let alone a thread on MN.

^^ this.