AIBU ...to be annoyed with MIL's demands as a guest

[heardashot]

The ILs are staying. This morning MIL came in to interfere help with breakfast and declared that FIL would not eat grilled bacon, it had to be fried. All my bacon was under the grill. I had to fish some out and fry it.

Next, cups of tea. MIL makes tea by putting a teabag in milk (ewwwww) and then adding hot water. I must admit that I never do this unless she is stood over me and she has never complained, so I doubt she can even tell the difference. But if she spots me, she tells me how to make her tea.

I was brought up to say thank you if someone gives you a present or something to eat or drink, and never complain about it. If you are out and paying for food and there is something wrong, then have a word yes.

I get buying something that your guests like and you don't have in, FIL likes white bread for example so I got some, but aibu to think that when someone offers you a bacon sandwich or cup of tea, that beyond "no sugar thanks" it is rude for you instruct them how to prepare it? Is is really that difficult to eat a grilled bacon sandwich rather than a fried one?

(They have never ever in my presence complained about a cup of tea when we have been out somewhere.)

I had a bacon roll at the golf club brasserie this morning whilst watching DS and his pal sledging. I requested no margarine ( there was some on my roll last time) and crispy bacon. Got both requests fulfilled and was very happy.
I think it's fine to state preferences at a relatives house. Asking someone to do different style of cooking when they're half way through is a bit rude though.

I will definitely get them or DH to do their own stuff from now on. I am not turning my kitchen into a short order cafe place with grown adults making requests that they would not make elsewhere.

Where would it stop?!

My mum does the same thing with the teabag and insists it's the right way to do it,
It's so grim.

Regarding the bacon, YANBU.

Regarding the tea, I think YABU. If you know someone likes their tea strong, weak, with whole milk, skimmed milk and even if they want the milk in first then just do it. It's not a big deal. If she makes your tea to your distaste when you're at hers then it's up to you to say something and if she doesn't listen and keeps making it horrible and you want to be petty just make her tea the way you want when she's at yours. (That's not a criticism, I can be petty and would do this)

You sound like such joyless unaccomadating hard work op.

I honestly can't see what she has done wrong tbh, it sounds like you just don't like her.
Maybe I'm strange but I don't class my in laws as guests when they come to stay, they are just part of the family and come in and make themselves at home. Last time they were here over Christmas mil disappeared to the car and brought back in with her, her own pan, spoon and pinny, she then took all the leftover veg and meat and started making a curry for us all.
I smiled, went back to watching shite tv with a hangover and thoroughly enjoyed my meal when it was made

If mil, fil or anyone else in my home wanted their tea or bacon a certain way I would see no problem with that at all.

MissionItsPossible She has never ever noticed when I have made it with the milk in last and she hasn't been watching. Or at least she hasn't said anything and I know she would say something.

It's horrible to put a teabag in milk. I don't even like to put the milk in while the teabag is still in the mug! But most of the time I just forget and make it the way I always make it.

I don't think she can tell the difference.

Anyway, teapot and milk jug. They are in the dishwasher now and be ready for when they get back.

MrsKoala Thanks!

That I have offered her a drink and get told how to do it in my own kitchen. I still think it is rude!

As per my previous post re tea coffee and eggs, that would mean I have a lot of rude family and I don't. It's all about perspective.

rookiemer "I had a bacon roll at the golf club brasserie this morning whilst watching DS and his pal sledging. I requested no margarine ( there was some on my roll last time)"

Did you eat it?

rookiemer Last time I mean. Did you eat the bacon roll with marg because that is how they made it, or did you ask for a new one?

I have just eaten a very filling lunch but would happily scoff a bacon sandwich (grilled, smoked on whole grain toasted with thinly sliced tomatoes, rocket and a drizzle of chilli sauce) and tea (no sugar, enough milk to be a golden colour). That’s all. If I stay at anyone’s house and it varies from this, I wouldn’t say anything but would inwardly seethe and ensure that I made you a bacon sarnie and tea my way if you came to stay. So, it’s okay for her to say something because maybe she will think later how nice you are for accommodating her.

Yes, but heardashot does it matter if you find it horrible or not? You're not the one drinking it. It's not using any more of your milk, it's not tainting your cups, it's not taking any more time and it won't poison her. It's simply doing hers in a different order. Why would you take being moaned at for that?

The tea is grim but FFS you're telling me your FIL will only eat sandwiches cut into rectangles not triangles? Isn't that toddler behaviour?

And - does your FIL know that he only eats square sandwiches?

The tea thing wouldn't bother me (other than making me boak). It's still just one dirty cup to wash up. But anything that makes me have to dirty more dishes/pans is a big NOPE unless the offender offers to do the washing up. So as far as the bacon, I would have simply said "Oops, too late now, I'll remember next time" and would offer cold sandwiches from then on .

Is my brother rude when he asks for the bag to be taken out as soon as the water goes in?

Yes, Bertrand because it's a tragic waste of a tea bag.

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork I know. I think FIL is her excuse to just pick pick pick...

OK, the tea I could deal with, it's not how I would drink it but it’s easy enough to make it her way and tea seems to be one of those things it’s socially acceptable to be fussy about.

As for the bacon, my response to “he won’t eat it grilled” would have been “well let’s not tell him then shall we (wink)!” If pressed I would have said, “I never fry bacon and I’m not starting now!”

As that moment has passed, you now need to firmly shoo her out of the kitchen whenever she appears with a cheery “sorry, too many cooks and all that, - off you pop, I’ll give you a shout if I need you”.

Your kitchen, OP, your rules.

And I have seen them buy M&S etc. sandwiches and they are triangles but they still bought them. I don't understand why they can't put up with it in my house when it is free, if they are willing to pay money for it from a store!

If I have workmen in I make their tea the way they like it- why wouldt I do the same for family?

But I bet the OP would too. This is just a case of the mil who can do no right.

My MIL is similar. We had a stand off once over a stir fry where she insisted I microwave all the veg first. I'm perfectly capable of cooking a stir fry. (I gave in and it was disgusting and soggy so never again). She also quizzes me on when I am doing washing, bed changes, towel changes, cleaning, shopping and what I'm doing for dinner (whilst easting the lunch I've prepared for her). Unsurprisingly she has fallen out with several family members who now limit her visits. She's not horrible just cannot let go of control in someone else's house. My solution is to make DH in charge of as much as possible. "I don't know ask DH" is my stock reply. It's much easier when he takes all the flack.

Drift away from now on and leave your DH to take over the tea making, OP.

BertrandRussell And to you I am the MNer who can do no right!

If he's ever eaten hotel or cafe bacon likelihood is that it was griddled not fried. Which is basically the same as grilling.

I'd always do tea tuecwsy someone wants but fry bacon - never (don't have oil to fry it in anyway.

I love a good cup of tea. Emphasis on the good.

DH is an amazing brew maker. I will go all day without a brew and when he gets home from work HE makes ME one because he does it so much better than me. And here's the weird thing: he does it milk first! Like a bloody animal! Visitors have all made comment on how nice a cuppa he makes.

His family though? I do not know what the fuck they do but neither MIL, FIL, SIL or BIL can make a drinkable tea or coffee.

I think it's because they are the type that like their tea how they like it and won't make it different for those who like it differently. They love loads of milk, we don't. So they pour loads in! They don't take sugar so will put far less in ours than we take. They will share a tea bag between two cups. We, like any other sane person on this planet would never do that!

I will actually side with your MIL here and say it's bad hosting not to make a cuppa to the drinker's preference and as it can be seen to be ill-mannered of them to say no and make one themselves, they can't win.

As for bacon, I'm not a fan of it fried. Greasy and gross. But I would suck it up and eat the same as everyone else. Your MIL is probably trying to keep FIL happy but should have offered to do it herself.