MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

Let her wear it. Every guest there will be going "OMG! She's in white! At a wedding! What a cow!" (or words to that effect).

Let her wear it. Every guest there will be going "OMG! She's in white! At a wedding! What a cow!" (or words to that effect).

No no let her wear the dress, say nothing. As others have said she may just be looking for a fight and hoping you’ll bite, then she’ll pull out a cream trouser suit with floral print and you look the bridezilla bitch. If it is a white dress all eyes will be on her and she’ll be the talk of the wedding for all the wrong reasons. “I can’t believe his mother wore that, Who does she think she is?, poor mumma is handling it so graciously”.
Ultimate validation for you, ultimate humiliation for her.

Ah, let him to speak to her, she's out of line.
He'll just have to tell her he wants to see his bride in white on his wedding day, not his bloody mother.
She is an attention seeking prat so you need to make the decision now if she gets full control over your life or not...so what if she cries, so what if the bil's hear about it, so what if your husband gets it in the neck? Make a stand now or you'll have endless days of her getting her own way and you feeling like shit because of it.

What @doodlejump1980 said 😂😂😂

I might speak to my Mum tomorrow. Sow the seed, I think given MIL history of bullying my mum is just waiting for an excuse

I would put her next to your DS for the meal and make sure pudding is something chocolatey.

I really wouldn't let it worry you. We had a couple of people at our wedding doing things which were not really appropriate given their relationship to us but they looked silly and on the day you won't care.

Why on earth would you say anything??? Let her dig her own grave. She'll look like a massive twat without you getting any grief. Win win.

My MIL wore white/slightly off white to my DH’s brother’s wedding and everyone sniggered and talked about her. I don’t think she noticed, but it reflected badly on her, not the beautiful bride.

I cant remember if it wsa on here or another forum but a DIL2B said to a MIL planning the same thing (another attention seeker) that her friend had mentioned it being bad form. The bride had laughed "with" the MIL and said that she thought a neutral colour was best as at least that way she wouldnt clash with MoB. MIL wore another colour after digging to find out what the MoB was wearing and buying the same colour....except they lied to her :o

I would adopt the toddler taming approach to your mil. If you think of her as a two year old behaving badly to press your buttons, the most effective response is to just ignore her sillyness. I'd just be bright and breezy and tell her her dress sounds great. Will drive her potty if she's trying to wind you up. I'm sure her friends will point out she will look ridiculous in white at her son's wedding.

I went to a wedding years ago where the bride, who was very young wore a beautiful simple white dress. Her mother on the other hand, who had been a real pita about the whole thing was wearing a hideous ivory satin number with gold embroidery, completely over the top. The bride was very serene and acted completely unperturbed by the whole thing, but I overheard a middle-aged woman who was an old family friend of theirs just say ‘OH MY’ at the top of her voice when she saw her. She recovered well and went on to say hello etc etc, but it was very funny.

Judging from what you say her usual behaviour is like it sounds like she’s challenging you to confront her about it so she can be the victim of you being mean to her about it. Don’t bother. Wedding is still she’s away maybe if she doesn’t get the reaction she wants she will quietly change her mind.

And if she doesn’t and shows up in her “off white” outfit she will look a right plonker and like she’s trying to upstage you. At least that’s what people will most likely assume.

My MIL wore a wedding dress to my wedding 😭

My MIL wore pale yellow or cream to my wedding. I said it was fine but really I was upset.

I went to my oldest friends wedding in a white dress as I bought it without thinking. Low on funds, little choice. As soon as I realised I rang and she said it was fine but I felt so stupid. Only defence, was very young.

Your DP must say something.

If she does wear it, she’ll just look like an old fool.

Honestly, have a long hard think about whether you want to be attached to this family forever. I completely under-estimated the impact of my MIL and SIL on me. I knew what they were like, how my (now) DH never takes sides, tries to keep the peace, minimises and moves on. I thought they'd mellow....

His family and their treatment of me (and latterly our DC) is now one of the 2 greatest causes of pain in my life and I can do nothing about it.

It eats at you and eats at you and you are tied in for the long haul. Think about it.

Nah, one MN MiL wore a transparent white suit with her bush on full display
No, they really didn't...

Don't forget to get a group photo without her in it...

She's being a cow but all your guests will think she's being a cow and likely feel a little embarrassed for her.

What about saying you’ve decided on a dress code with men wearing grey and women wearing navy as you don’t want people to clash with your flowers, if she asks what colour your flowers are say it’s going to be a surprise.

Or you could get her a corsage with every flower white so it blends in with her outfit, and I’d probably get your mum a corsage that has a lot more colour so it stands out.

I think letting someone else raise it in a general way eg I was at a wedding last year, the MOG wore white, everyone was whispering about her all night, how strange was she lol. Hope no ones that odd at your wedding ha ha
In front of her would be the way to go. Earlier than your hen do so she has time to reflect and to buy something new And if she doesn't she will look even more stupid and you will know exactly where you stand. Can you go an engagement afternoon tea or similar?
And I would limit her contact with DS and never let her have him alone

I would just say I'd read something about a MIL in the Daily Mail who'd done that and the comments were really, really funny. She will look it up (it's a MN thread!) and I doubt she'd wear it afterwards.

As far as the chocolate's concerned, I'd keep my child with me for that half hour before lunch if she tried that trick.

It's very unreasonable for her to wear white however I wouldn't say anything.

Main reason being that pretty much every woman at your wedding will see your MIL true colours, and it will be her own downfall.

Nobody will confuse her for the bride, so let her get on with it and make an absolute fool of herself.

She will look like a right twat if she wears white to your wedding. I say leave her to it. You’ll be the one dressed as an actual bride.