MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

At my sister's wedding her MIL wore an actual wedding dress, white, Lacey long sleeves and knee length. I couldn't believe it! My sister was shocked but kept a brave face all day.

I think it did look weird and it really stands out in the photos, sorry. Why not try the outfits on and then try to dissuade her?

Do you have a maid of honour, best woman/man, chief bridesmaid or whoever who would tell her that she's an attention seeking cow? Or maybe just have a quiet word about etiquette... to everyone... at the hen do or something... whilst looking straight at her...

Surely her other two sons will realise how mental she's being though?
My DH would tell his Mum straight she's being batshit if she did that at my future SILs wedding!

Knitted fairies 100% she's itching for a fight she's so sly.
Part of me wants to leave her to it as she is a little bit mutton dressed as lamb. She is the only one that will look stupid.
DP was useless at standing up to MIL to start with but since she told me not to BF DS because she didn't and it was just a way for me to be in control of my baby he has stood up to her. He offered straight away to say something but she would know it came from me

Ooh, I'd just let her get on with it! She's going to look like what she is- an attention seeking saddo. If I saw a MIL wearing white at a wedding, all my sympathies would be with the bride, and I would make assumptions about the MIL. Let her make a tit of herself especially appropriate if she wears a pink tuban- hat with the off white dress

I’d say you want to check that she’s joking and say you’re worried she’ll look ridiculous.

I agree with PPs. Smile and ignore. Don’t give her the argument she’s looking for.

It is poor etiquette and she’ll be judged by pretty much every woman there.

I’ve been to two weddings where the Mum or MIL wore white, and one where the MIL wore black.

Everyone commented on how beautiful the brides were and quietly whispered about what a nightmare the MIL/Mum must be.

IME is doesn’t look great in photos either.

I would personally make sure that my own Mum’s outfit was completely stunning and a really stand out colour like red.

Meanwhile cheerfully our you door down about her undermining your parenting.

She'll look ridiculous anyway, but just to be sure you could get a bridesmaid to have a little trip up while carrying a glass of red wine

With the way she behaves around your son though, you're letting her get away with it. The more she ignores your wishes and you keep taking him to see her and there being no repercussions, you're sending the message it's ok.

Get your husband to have a word and if she still doesn't listen, just tell her she either respects your decisions or doesn't see her grandson.

I would say ‘Wear what you like. You do know it’s conserved bad form for anyone other than the bride to wear white at a wedding. I’d hate people to think badly if you......’

I feel your pain. My own mother did this. We are now NC though!!

Her other 2 sons can see no wrong in her DP was the same up until DS was born.
Mumpoints such a fab idea about the hen party. My maid of honour is the type of say it as it is girl... she will call her out in it.
It's between a very pale cream and ivory. It has a lace overlay.

She will be the one looking silly if it’s something inappropriate. Is she helping look after your DS during the day? If so and if he’s old enough I suggest packing a nice chocolatey snack for when it’s her turn to mind him

But the identical outfit and wear it to the rehearsal... 😂

It definitely isn't the done thing for the MOG to wear white! Having said that I wouldn't say anything because you will just get grief and on the day if she's in white she is the one who will look ridiculous and be judged by others.

Maybe she's just trying to get a reaction from you. I doubt she will have chosen her dress if you are only getting married in September.

Tell her it's an excellent idea, that you don't want to be the only one wearing white at your wedding. Suggest a long dress with a tail and a veil.

I was at a wedding recently and a MOB wore white with gold trim (hiding her bush) and she looked ridiculous, she even put on her daughters veil during the dancing. It was noticed and was considered very ignorant

Could you make a (very passive aggressive) 'joke' of it with her? 'Oh wow, I'm sure you'll look great. I hope people don't think badly of you for wearing white/ivory at our wedding, given that it's not really what etiquette dictates'.

She will look like a fool.

ANd all the older people (particularly) will notice and talk about her.

I would advise her that it’s fine to wear white because you aren’t. Say a random colour

Oh please let her do it - but mention how much you are looking forward to wearing a very daring stand out dress with cut outs, a deep neckline & ruffles etc. Just don't react to her ridiculous announcement and start laying bets on what else she'll do to pull attention. That will drive her crazy. And everyone else attending will judge her not you.
Or announce that you thought it was a lovely idea so your DM is going to wear off white as well as well as your bridesmaids.

Bit of a cunt's trick by her but much better to keep the peace, yabvu if you start a row over it, especially if you're considerably younger/more attractive and/or if she's in any way clueless about weddings. She may not have been to one in decades, fashion and etiquette has changed a lot.

In terms of DS she doesn't have him in the day, it's when we go to visit or she comes here (chocolate in the bag, or sweets) she will take him to another room and stuff him full of sweets then bring him back with a mouthful of junk and when we say it's lunch in 20 minutes her response is o well it's what we do as grans who needs veg

Who gives a shit, really

How about your DM says something? My MIL was being an interfering PITA about my dress and made the mistake of raising the subject with my dm. My normally timid DM wiped the floor with her . I was so grateful because I didn't know how to handle her without falling out.

Let her wear it. Every guest there will be going "OMG! She's in white! At a wedding! What a cow!" (or words to that effect).