MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

[Shockers]

I can’t remember what anyone but DH and I wore to our wedding, and the only photos we display are of just us.

Someone else in white wouldn’t really bother me anyway, as I’d hope anyone there would know who the bride was!

At my first wedding, a girlfriend of one of XH’s friends wore an off the shoulder white, calf length dress. She did look pretty... and like the enormous attention seeker she was. She was avoided by most of the other guests; I didn’t really care.

[wowsaidtheowl]

My MIL wore white to our wedding despite us asks her not to. Very sadly she spilt red wine down all over herself

[CoraPirbright]

Really appalling and, as you say, she is clearly itching for a fight. The way I see it, you have 4 options:

1. talk to partner in extremely concerned tones saying that you would hate for her to be judged by everyone but it is the most astonishingly bad form to wear white to a wedding and people are going to think really badly of her. Does she know this? Perhaps he should warn her!
   
2. get your mum to call to discuss outfits and when your MIL describes hers, your mum should go silent for a minute before spluttering that she cannot be serious and going to town on how rude she is
   
3. as above but from maid of Honor
   
4. let her wear what she wants and make a dick of herself in front of everyone.

[PinkyBlunder]

Oh god no! Don’t say anything! Let her wear it, then sit back and laugh!!

My MIL was told we were having a lot of bright colours at our wedding so naturally, on her desperate quest for attention, she went WAY over the top and looked like a bloody liquorice all sort and I have the photo evidence forever more

[ObscuredbyFog]

I agree with Xenadog
"If you REALLY want to upset her say nothing until the wedding day itself when it’s all too late [for her to dash home and change] but she will feel really uncomfortable. I’d be kind and say how brave she is to break with tradition and not care about how others would regard her wearing off-white when it is always considered such a social faux pas and utterly crass!"

People like her don't need your help to look stupid, they manage it all by themselves.

[Thistlebelle]

Mumma the thing is, I find it very hard to believe that any woman old enough to have three adult sons doesn’t already know what poor form this is.

There’s no way she doesn’t know this is unacceptable.

[mumpoints]

Send her this thread

[mumof2sarah]

Get a MOH/BM/DM to ask her what she's wearing when they see her and when she tells them they can gasp and say "oh but that's a bit unfair, you'd look like you were trying to upstage the bride." Then continue with "I went to a wedding where the MIL wore a white Lacey number and everyone was really annoyed saying she was selfish and looked like mutton dressed as lamb" then a cursory "i would never want to outshine my son and his wife on their day" as they walk off.
I don't understand anyone wearing white to a wedding even a suit or a jumpsuit with some flowers on, the whites still on show and shows up so much in pictures x

[mumof2sarah]

If she does wear it and you've a good relationship with photographer ask him to place MiL at back of pictures with a "sorry love there should only be one white outfit at this wedding and the pictures wouldn't work if there was too much at the front today's about the bride and groom" - but then again I'm an evil cow

[Bubblysqueak]

If she does turn up wearing it definitely slip the waiter some cash for "accidently" nudging her while she sips red wine/ eat food covered in gravy.

[Nanny0gg]

The thing is (and I say this with the greatest of respect to any woman in her 50's, 60's and 70's) she is going to look ridiculous.

As someone in her 60s, I absolutely agree with you.

I did wear black (plus a colour) to my DS wedding. With the blessing of the bride.

It looked lovely...

[seven201]

She will look ridiculous. Are you sure she's not lying just to get a ride out of you?

The ideal thing to have done is when she told you is just laugh about what a hilarious joke that is, wouldn't she look stupid ha ha.

[seven201]

Or I suppose you could get someone primed ready to do the 'don't be so ridiculous, you can't wear white to a wedding ha ha' when she answers the question of what her outfit's like.

[KayaG]

Just had a look on ebay at "mother of the bride/groom".

There's a lot of ivory and cream outfits, maybe it's not the no no it used to be.

I've been to a few weddings where guests wore floral prints with a white base, don't see a problem with that.

Let her wear what she likes, no one will be looking at her anyway.

[midlifecrash]

Will she be looking after your son during the ceremony?

Why not give him a packet of melty chocolate buttons to keep him amused

[BlackberryandNettle]

To be honest it wouldn't bother me all that much... presumably she is significantly older than you and it will be pretty obvious she isn't the bride. Have seen older women at weddings in cream suits etc a few times... Didn't think they were trying to steal thunder, just no mistaking the actual bride really

[5plusMeAndHim]

I have just googled 'mother of the bride' dresses and loads of them are cream and offwhite and look nothing like bridal gowns, and certainly won't when a 60 something is wearing them.
What a nasty bitchy ageist undertone to the thread!

[Bluelady]

Let her do it. She'll look ridiculous and serve her right.

[Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet]

Get a bottle of ketchup, give it to your DS and point him in the direction of the incriminating dress... Problem solved.

[SusanBunch]

The thing is (and I say this with the greatest of respect to any woman in her 50's, 60's and 70's) she is going to look ridiculous

Why is that? Can women over 50 not wear white without looking ridiculous? It's only on MN that I have seen people get so worked up about someone wearing a particular colour (or even a different colour- a PP getting upset about someone wearing pale yellow- really?). I don't think people in real life give that much of a shit.

[Lweji]

and certainly won't when a 60 something is wearing them.
What a nasty bitchy ageist undertone to the thread!

Oh, the irony.

[Friedgreen]

Off white is totally different to white though. It’s probably a cream or grey. I think it would look nice.

[SusanBunch]

What a nasty bitchy ageist undertone to the thread!

Totally agree 5plus. I also dislike all the tips along the lines of 'if you really want to upset her, do this'.

[JustHooking]

Let your DP talk to her
Tell her it's fine to wear white but she will have to stand at the back in all the photographs so it doesn't look strange