MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

There's loads of cream/white/nude MOB outifits on that link. Can't be that unheard of for a MOB/MOG to wear such a colour then?

[Babyblade]

Let her wear white and look a fool. Don't let it rile you.

My MIL wore grey/black to our wedding - she looked as if she was going to a funeral! ... she didn't/doesn't smile much either.

[ArbitraryName]

There are loads of cream and off white outfits on that link, but some of them really do look like wedding dresses.

[BertrandRussell]

“My MIL wore grey/black to our wedding - she looked as if she was going to a funeral!”

According to Mumsnet it’s absolutely fine to wear black to a wedding. Whenever the subject comes up, the thread is full of pictures of celebrities in black, and posters who object being lambasted as old fashioned..........

[BertrandRussell]

“Either that or bask in how utterly stupid she will make herself look wearing nearly white lace as a wedding guest! ”

Why would anyone “bask” in that?

[nannybeach]

Wedding ettiquiete always stated you dont wear white, or black, because black is for funerals,

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Threads I've been on where black dresses at a wedding have been discussed (probably not many but enough) the general feeling has been that it's ok IF you add in some colour to brighten it. Not so much on its own, or with grey.

[Lweji]

Who on earth wears full length dresses to a wedding, let alone with a train, in any colour? (Apart from the bride and possibly the bridesmaids)

[ArbitraryName]

Well catherine’s of Partick clearly think there’s a market for MOB/Gs who want to wear floor length pale lacy gowns with trains.

I can imagine the guests thinking ‘WTF?’ if the MOG turned up in that.

[Lweji]

I'm sure there's a market for everything.

[Kentnurse2015]

Blimey! Can’t she just wear what she wants??!!

[5foot5]

Doesn't she know that when you are the mother of the groom you are meant to Keep Your Mouth Shut And Wear Beige?

(It's a very entertaining novel BTW )

[Ndotto]

My narc SIL wore a long white see-through dress to my wedding 20 years ago. No warning, just turned up in it. I still eyeroll whenever I look at the photos, but she was the one that looked like an attention seeking freak, not me! Several people commented on how inappropriate it was but it said volumes about her as a person so was an own goal really. I am sure you will look beautiful on your big day OP, whether you call her out on her dubious choice or not

[Fionne]

Who on earth wears full length dresses to a wedding, let alone with a train, in any colour? (Apart from the bride and possibly the bridesmaids)

It does happen when people are going straight on to an evening function.

But it’s also very much the norm in weddings where the familiy are perhaps Muslim or Hindu.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Print this off HERE and leave it laying around for her to see.
Note No. 1 things NOT to do!!!

Your MIL sounds friggin' awful.
If she mentions wearing white again I think I'd say 'well you aren't invited then!'

This is also taken from another article about wedding fashion faux pas!

Don't turn up looking more like a bride than a guest. IVASHstudio/Shutterstock
There are so many fashion mistakes you can make as a guest.

Jacob's absolute number one rule: " Never wear WHITE ."

Brides have worn white wedding dresses since Queen Victoria made it popular. So unless the bride has explicitly said guests can wear white, don't do it.

When you pick your outfit, other things to avoid include "anything too sexy, or too scene-stealing or distracting ," Jacobs said.

[Fritillary123]

I would never wear white to somebody else's wedding, it's inappropriate and would be really embarrassing. It would suggest it might be easier for you to get somebody else to mention that it is not the 'done thing'. It's an added pressure you don't need when getting married. Good luck!

[DorienKplusOS]

My first post here but I felt compelled to respond after my bridesmaid sent me this link. I got married recently and my MIL wore a white dress.

I mean she told me it was off white cream beige not ivory. It was initially due to be plum coloured and tie in with my mum’s outfit, but no. She went ‘back to her original plan’...she then went on to demand white or cream flowers to match, even though I was having nothing of the sort at my winter wedding. It was all greens and dark burgundy. She didn’t care and I was informed she would buy her own flowers. Go on then, look like a div, I thought. I (obviously) gave my now husband hella abuse when I found out. I told all my friends and family what she was doing just to release the stress. But alias, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and kept my mouth shut because you know what, I wanted to be the bigger better person. And she will always be cray cray.

A few unconnected rows and secret rants later, cometh the day.

But...this dress. IT WAS NOT ANY OF THE ABOVE COLOURS. It was white satin. Skin tight. Shinier than my dress. My dress was beautiful (if I don’t say so myself), huge, and plain SATIN, no beads or lace or anything. Granted, she had not seen my dress...but it was shiny. And PLAIN WHITE.

On the day I didn’t care. I was having way too much fun! But I’ve been brought up well and am polite and courteous, so I behaved myself and just kept my distance.

The day after, rage set in. And this is me ranting. It was disrespectful as far as I’m concerned. I had a few pals message me to comment on it. This made me angrier. But the anger built when I started to see photos of her somewhere near me. Shining. Like the shiniest of baubles (albeit a slim one).

I maintain I was right not to kick off before the wedding because I didnt want to stoop to her levels of disrespect but I now have an overriding desire to let loose on her. I will probably do it...probabaly sarcastically in typical British fashion. I don’t think anyone should be wearing white or ivory other than the bride, it’s disrespectful to the bride (especially if they don’t have the gumption to say something and are upset), but also puts groom in an awkward situation if you have an upset or raging bride/wife. It also angered my mum and sisters, which upset me a bit. But only insofar that we were all too polite to tell her to go home and get changed in to her jeans on the day. Just don’t do it? Unless you religiously wear white every day of your life, why do it on your child’s wedding day, especially when your child is not the bride? And I can’t take ‘I didn’t know that was a thing’ as an answer (not that she offered that or discussed said dress other than informing me of the change in colour and demand for white flora and fauna).

FYI. I’m still angry and have not said anything. I’m waiting for the real photos to appear before she requests the shiniest of versions.

Yikes that was some rant. Apologies. I feel free.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

I genuinely don't understand the level of rage and anger by some women because their MIL wore white to the wedding.

I really don't get it. Just because there is this unwritten rule that says one must not wear white to a wedding doesn't mean that those who do takes ANY of the attention away from the bride! Nobody cares what other guests wear.

I've been to various weddings where at least two MOG/MOB wore cream/ivory etc. These are really lovely women who get on great with their DD/DIL, no spite or nastiness involved in choosing such a pale colour.

I'm guessing they wore it because it SUITED them!

[whiskyowl]

It's not because they wore white, though, is it? It's because these women have - with or without reasons - perceived the wearing of white to be part and parcel of a raft of wider behaviour which is c

[whiskyowl]

Oops, which is undermining (was the end of that sentence). From the OP:

"I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me (although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS."

[Walkerbean16]

This thread has ended up in the daily mail.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Although I hate the DM - if MIL reads it, it might make her see sense???

[2016mumma]

Just want I want MIL reads the daily mail. Any ideas on what to do. I hope she doesn't see this

[JJPP123]

If the thread is too identifying MN might pull it. Can't get it off the Fail though:(

[DorienKplusOS]

She might not know it’s about her. Although tbh these kind of MIL’s think everything is about them 🤫