MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

[Jugglingmum3]

My MIL did the same thing (however I didn't get advanced notice on the colour of her dress). She wore a fitted strappy cream Alannah hill dress on my wedding day- but the funny thing was I wasn't too fussed. What was amusing was that everyone else commented on how inappropriate her dress was - in terms of colour and that the style was too young for her age (even people who looked at the photos afterward and weren't even at the wedding). Lets face it, the attention isn't going to be on the Mother of the Groom on your wedding day. If she is doing it to get a rise out of you, don't give her the satisfaction. Take the higher road (as often as possible - even though its hard sometimes) and know that over the years if you continue to ignore her attempts to get under your skin, she will continually bring herself undone. x x x

[HoneyV]

The Queen didnt go to the registry office. She only went to St Georges chapel.

[Fionne]

Camilla worn blue

She wore white to the registry office.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Only if it's their MIL GreenTulips.

[GreenTulips]

Nobody cares what other guests wear

17 pages - I think people do care enormously

[DrRanjsRightEyebrow]

Daily Mail journalists are lazy cunts, fwiw. As you were.

[2016mumma]

Thankfully I haven't been working today so could keep an eye on the thread
Thank you all for your replies. Been a huge help x

[TheIcon]

Actually, isn't this ideal? If she reads it she might think twice. If she reads it and realises its about her and that most people think she's an ignorant cow, she might actually change course.

[GreenTulips]

The Queen wire white to Charles and Camillas registers do

Camilla worn blue

[DrRanjsRightEyebrow]

@2016mumma get HQ to delete the post about your son's birth day. Other than that you could be anyone!

[Fionne]

The Queen wire white to Charles and Camillas registers do.

[TheIcon]

Does she read the online version or the actual paper? Surely this wouldn't hit newsprint?

[MumJ21]

My MIL wore white to my wedding and wore white to another family members wedding. She makes no secret that she dislikes me and has a sour face for the whole day, complained she didn’t like she food she was served and wouldn’t eat it, reflected very badly on her.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Whisky I disagree that every MIL wears white or ivory or cream to undermine their DIL.

[DorienKplusOS]

She might not know it’s about her. Although tbh these kind of MIL’s think everything is about them 🤫

[JJPP123]

If the thread is too identifying MN might pull it. Can't get it off the Fail though:(

[2016mumma]

Just want I want MIL reads the daily mail. Any ideas on what to do. I hope she doesn't see this

[hellsbellsmelons]

Although I hate the DM - if MIL reads it, it might make her see sense???

[Walkerbean16]

This thread has ended up in the daily mail.

[whiskyowl]

Oops, which is undermining (was the end of that sentence). From the OP:

"I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me (although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS."

[whiskyowl]

It's not because they wore white, though, is it? It's because these women have - with or without reasons - perceived the wearing of white to be part and parcel of a raft of wider behaviour which is c

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

I genuinely don't understand the level of rage and anger by some women because their MIL wore white to the wedding.

I really don't get it. Just because there is this unwritten rule that says one must not wear white to a wedding doesn't mean that those who do takes ANY of the attention away from the bride! Nobody cares what other guests wear.

I've been to various weddings where at least two MOG/MOB wore cream/ivory etc. These are really lovely women who get on great with their DD/DIL, no spite or nastiness involved in choosing such a pale colour.

I'm guessing they wore it because it SUITED them!

[DorienKplusOS]

My first post here but I felt compelled to respond after my bridesmaid sent me this link. I got married recently and my MIL wore a white dress.

I mean she told me it was off white cream beige not ivory. It was initially due to be plum coloured and tie in with my mum’s outfit, but no. She went ‘back to her original plan’...she then went on to demand white or cream flowers to match, even though I was having nothing of the sort at my winter wedding. It was all greens and dark burgundy. She didn’t care and I was informed she would buy her own flowers. Go on then, look like a div, I thought. I (obviously) gave my now husband hella abuse when I found out. I told all my friends and family what she was doing just to release the stress. But alias, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and kept my mouth shut because you know what, I wanted to be the bigger better person. And she will always be cray cray.

A few unconnected rows and secret rants later, cometh the day.

But...this dress. IT WAS NOT ANY OF THE ABOVE COLOURS. It was white satin. Skin tight. Shinier than my dress. My dress was beautiful (if I don’t say so myself), huge, and plain SATIN, no beads or lace or anything. Granted, she had not seen my dress...but it was shiny. And PLAIN WHITE.

On the day I didn’t care. I was having way too much fun! But I’ve been brought up well and am polite and courteous, so I behaved myself and just kept my distance.

The day after, rage set in. And this is me ranting. It was disrespectful as far as I’m concerned. I had a few pals message me to comment on it. This made me angrier. But the anger built when I started to see photos of her somewhere near me. Shining. Like the shiniest of baubles (albeit a slim one).

I maintain I was right not to kick off before the wedding because I didnt want to stoop to her levels of disrespect but I now have an overriding desire to let loose on her. I will probably do it...probabaly sarcastically in typical British fashion. I don’t think anyone should be wearing white or ivory other than the bride, it’s disrespectful to the bride (especially if they don’t have the gumption to say something and are upset), but also puts groom in an awkward situation if you have an upset or raging bride/wife. It also angered my mum and sisters, which upset me a bit. But only insofar that we were all too polite to tell her to go home and get changed in to her jeans on the day. Just don’t do it? Unless you religiously wear white every day of your life, why do it on your child’s wedding day, especially when your child is not the bride? And I can’t take ‘I didn’t know that was a thing’ as an answer (not that she offered that or discussed said dress other than informing me of the change in colour and demand for white flora and fauna).

FYI. I’m still angry and have not said anything. I’m waiting for the real photos to appear before she requests the shiniest of versions.

Yikes that was some rant. Apologies. I feel free.

[Fritillary123]

I would never wear white to somebody else's wedding, it's inappropriate and would be really embarrassing. It would suggest it might be easier for you to get somebody else to mention that it is not the 'done thing'. It's an added pressure you don't need when getting married. Good luck!