MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

I went to a wedding last year where the MIL and M of the bride both wore white

But the wedding sites are pushing cream and ivory for mothers of the bride/groom, so it must be acceptable or they wouldn't be selling any

Or perhaps the spiteful MIL market is bigger than you think!

My SIL wore a off white dress with matching lace overcoat last years to other SIL'S wedding. She looked ridiculous.

Oh and if you click on the Stacey's link you immediately get the chat link come up...

I think perhaps a cream or ivory jacket and skirt combo MOB or MOG could get away with. Not the lacy white dress the OP has described.

It's not on, really, you don't wear white to a wedding. Everyone knows that! It's not as though other wedding outfit colours aren't available FFS.

It's not on.

My ex sil wore what can only be described as an actual wedding dress to mine, just in a very very pale blush pink.

Mental

YANBU to feel slighted as it is seen as a slight. However she's the one that will look like an inconsiderate asshole.

A guest wore an incredibly inappropriate outfit to my wedding. A few other guests informed me it worked really well as a "twat o meter" so they knew to avoid that person.

My mil did this and I told her absolutely not and made her wear something else. It's just seeing how far she can push you I reckon.

Schlimbesserung (love the name!), I now have visions of some smooth salesman launching into his spiel: "and in response to customer demand we have further expanded our Spiteful MIL section with some truly stunning outfits".

Personally I would just pretend not to notice, OP. She wants the drama of a falling-out with her son's bride, don't give it to her.

It's not just that its white though is it, - it is because it is the same colour as you so she is deliberately trying to upstage you, whether people think she's a twat or not, they'll be looking at her and having opinions, which is what she wants.

Maybe you could say 'Oh my Mum is wearing a dress very similar to that - you'll look like twins, how lovely' but seriously if it upsets you have a word (or get your DP to have a word, or your Mum or I like the sound of your MOH - I might enrol her to do the telling)

When my son and DDIL got married I asked my DS what colour she would be wearing (I knew she was going non trad colour) so I could make sure I didn't wear the same. She wore a beautiful red and black dress, - I wore blue trouser/tunic combo.
I just dont get these nasty MILs - it is an inability to let go of control of their sons I think. Surely a normal person wants their son to be happy and that would naturally include being good friends with his wife and making her welcome into your family.

Well, you mentioned wedding etiquette, it's only supposed to be a virgin bride who wears white. Do you qualify? Has there been divine intervention that you have a child? You don't seem to be following etiquette, why should anyone else!

An aunt of mine wore a white lace dress some years ago to a family wedding. Everyone was trying very hard to not her see them laughing at her.
Your MIL will make herself look ridiculous (very publicly) and you will have deep sympathy all round, at what you have to put up with.

it's only supposed to be a virgin bride who wears white. Do you qualify? Has there been divine intervention that you have a child? You don't seem to be following etiquette, why should anyone else!

I think that tradition went out when women started to be considered as adults who could choose to wear what they liked and didn't have to declare their sex lives through their clothes.

People have not gone into catsbummouth freefall about non virgin brides wearing white since about 1953.

Oh and have a trophy for cattiest post ever.

From what you've written about your MIL I doubt that anybody having a word with her about it would get her to change her mind.
You could, however, find out the exact outfit she will be wearing and rope your own DM into buying and wearing the same thing. I bet MIL would love that

I think that tradition went out when women started to be considered as adults who could choose to wear what they liked and didn't have to declare their sex lives through their clothes.

Unless they happen to be mothers of the groom, then the bride gets to dictate what they can and cannot wear.

It used not to be a tradition for the bride to wear white at all. Other colours were much more popular and there was even a rhyme to remember each colour's significance.

www.headpieceheaven.com/WeddingCustomsOmens.html

I thought white was originally worn by brides as a status symbol of wealth, since only rich people could then afford to wear a dress that could really only be worn once (as white was then difficult to clean).

Certainly, in photos of family weddings in the 1910s and 1920s show the bride in her "Sunday best" and not white.

Where's - even poorer communities wore white dresses in the 1920s. There's a passage in "A Child in The Forest" describing a church event for which the (very very poor) child was meant to wear white. Her mum could only get her a second hand brown dress. Another friend had the worst dress ever (basically a tube with holes for arms) but at least it was white, so whilst completely ridiculous, friend was better off. Child narrator was burning with shame for wearing a brown dress.

This is a true account of life growing up in an extremely poor mining village in the Forest of Dean by Winifred Foley. Even people so extremely poor still were expected to wear white for certain events and were snubbed by their equally poor peers if they didn't.

you mentioned wedding etiquette, it's only supposed to be a virgin bride who wears white. Do you qualify? Has there been divine intervention that you have a child? You don't seem to be following etiquette, why should anyone else!
Wow, what an arsey post

I believe I'm right in say the tradition of the bride wearing white started when Queen Victoria chose a white dress for her marriage to Albert.

Prior to that the majority of brides just wore the best dress they owned (regardless of colour) or had one made that they could wear again for Sunday best. White was obviously very impractical so was very rarely a colour of choice.

Clothes were relatively to now, very expensive and only the wealthy could afford a dress that was specifically worn only once - whatever the occasion.

Clothes were routinely "recycled" changing buttons, cuffs, collars and being re-tailored to match current fashions.

Laundry was also a hugely time consuming affair (taking days of stain treatment, soaking and then finally washing and drying). So choosing fabrics that were easier to launder was a key consideration. White silk/satin aside from being outside of most people's budget, was incredibly difficult to wash and iron - something only a specialised laundress could do - so not just owning the dress but maintaining it was a very expensive ask.

If she mentions it again ask her if she has also bought a veil to go with it.

@manicmij and @KayaG to both of you. Catty, much?

Some traditions have survived - like the bride wearing a white wedding dress and it therefore being incredibly rude for anyone else to wear to anything that looks like a white wedding dress - and some have died - like the bride having to be a virgin to wear white when marrying. Keep up.

I've had a look around the internet and none of the MOB/MOG outfits in cream or ivory look like an actual wedding dress. The OP's MIL wearing a white lacy dress definitely will!

I worked with a narcissistic woman who purposely wore a cream lace dress (very similar to my wedding dress) to her son's wedding. She showed us the photos and burst out happily "someone asked, 'which ones the bride'?"" She was extremely happy to upstage the bride. Maybe that's why they lived thousands of miles away?

I lived with dh for 2 years and wore cream colored dress.

anyone else getting masses of advertising for mother of the groom outfits now?

My ex MIL wore a white suit to my first wedding, and told my uncle he better not be staring at her ass... she was a treat!