MIL wearing white

[2016mumma]

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

GreatDuckCookery Did you wear white to a wedding too? As PPs have explained people do notice if someone other than the bride wears white to a wedding and there were a couple of comments about it after the wedding to me so some people did notice.

My DH auntie knobhead tried to pull that shit with my wedding my bil and sil got married a few months before but she never mentioned what she was going to wear for their wedding only ours.. and she said she was wearing a white dress.. even mil knew she was being a bitch as this woman does not like me at all. I ingored all her comments and when she could see i wasn't biting she asked me out right if she was allowed to wear white i said no i told her i thought it was rude and not very classy.

She made a dig about it to my face at bils wedding after one too many drinks i just ignored it and carried on being pleasent no way was i going to spoil my bil and sil big day!

She didnt wear white to my wedding i cant even remeber what she wore but her and uncle knobhead acted... well like knobheads at my wedding.. she cried the whole way through the ceremony and meal. Loudly but made a point of telling everyone she wasnt crying because the wedding was nice or the ceremony was at all moving. She balled her eyes out during my husbands speech and started an argument with her husband that he never said anything like that to her on their wedding day.. he replied with "he wouldn't of meant any of those things its just what you have to say at weddings" utter cock

Uncle knobhead clicked his fingers at our serving staff. Shouted at my auntie to pass the potatoes.

UK also insulted my dad and basically called him a lazy scounger my dad is a full time carer for my disabled brother my bil has severe autism and learning difficulties. I thought my DH was going to punch him through a window there and then he loves my dad.

UK Showed me up on the dancefloor he grabbed me straight after my first dance and threw me round the dancefloor. Theres a video of that somwhere.

They both made a point of dancing with as many people to opposite sex to make each other jealous which ended in hysterics from AK

UK Then picked on an autisic family member from DH side and provoked the lad to scream at him that he was nothing but a c*.

Also he coughed loudly and cleared his throat in a exaggerated way throughout our ceremony, the speeches and the cake cutting.

We will never invite them again to anything.. ever.

And breathe! Sorry i got carried away needed to get it off my chest.

Sorry for the typos im on my phone and was getting more and more angry as i was typing!!

I attended a wedding where the groom's mother wore a full length black dress and carried a red rose... to mourn the fact she was losing her son.

I kid you not!!

My grandmother wore a white suit when I got married. I never noticed (until looking at the wedding photos when we moved recently and recalled all these Mumsnet threads of those absolute bitches who wear white at someone else's wedding) and I am sure no one else did either. My grandmother just wore something she liked. Probably your MIL is doing the same. Even if she isn't does it really matter? Really? Why does everyone say LOL she will look silly and let her? Do brides now really have to be the centre of attention so much that no one else can wear what they want? You will be the centre big attention anyway regardless of what anyone else wears.

Centre of attention not centre big attention - sorry

I wouldn't say anything - I'd just stand back and leave her make a fool of herself.
She's going to look like a right old fanny if she does wear white to your wedding and everyone will notice it.
leave her off - the aul' bitch.

Lemesmer i think when its done innocently its fine its when its a dig at the bride its wrong. If my mil had wanted to wear white i wouldnt of minded because we have a fantastic relationship and the whole white thing is a little old fashioned. I didnt realise it was considers to wear black to a wedding until i recently wore a black dress with embroided flowers on to a wedding and someone pointed it out that some people find it rude. I felt awful!

Meh, no fucker will notice on the day, if she was some stunning young ting then that would be a different story.

I think her choosing to wear white at your wedding is a bit of a red herring. If she wants be centre of attention she will do her best to be that.
My own mother wore an blue and green number at my wedding. With an OTT hat. Hat would have been alright but only two other guests (out of over 100) wore hat!. Her outfit cost three times what mine did and she looked like a peacock. The photos prove it. Error.

Ghg

Your MIL is determined to be the matriarchal centre of her family, isn't she. Her boys must all just bow to her demands, and by inference, their partners and children too. And that will include doing her damnedest to upstage you on your wedding day, whatever she's wearing.

I'd be tempted to say nothing - let her wear her stupid lacy dress and then you do something with your own wedding outfit that really makes it 100% clear that you're the bride, and not her. If you've seen her dress, that gives you an advantage. Add stuff to yours, or change it if you haven't already got it set in stone - make it far more obviously "bridal" than her "second marriage" style dress.

But you know what, I don't think I would say anything at this stage - because you've still got months to go and she's going to make it all quite horrible for you both in the interim, especially if she's got her other sons so brainwashed as to believe all her crap too.

Just let it go in your own head, and find ways to deal with this particular situation without confronting her.

Where your baby is concerned, that's a different matter. Go for your life on that one - it's YOUR baby, she's had her turn, now YOU get to say what happens with YOUR baby, not bloody her. Your DP can back you to the hilt on that one, and tell her straight to butt out.

Most of the weddings I have been to the mother of the bride has worn off white or cream. And it looks lovely.

Don't c what the issue is unless she is going to wear a full length gown.

She is probably itching for an argument but don't rise to it. You will come out of it worst.

TheQueen was it Chandler Bing's mum?

My MIL really desperately wanted to wear a creamy white two piece outfit to my wedding. Every time she brought it up I acted confused ("yes it's lovely, but what do you mean? You'd have to find it in another colour or dye it? Why would you want to destroy it?") or like it was a big issue she was trying to resolve ("it's ok MILTB, I can help you shop for something that you can wear at a wedding, I'm sure we can find something!"). Eventually (and I was almost convinced she'd turn up on the day wearing it anyway) in conversation about flowers I asked her what colour/s she'd decided on so I could let the florist know about her corsage and she said she'd found something similar in a pastel shade, she showed me and it was lovely.

All that worry and it ended up ok ... and my own DM then turned up wearing pale silver.

AFAIK no one made any comments but in photos it looks very close to white ... on the day I didn't mind because it was more 'typical Pasta's DM' and she was just very excited.

My Mum wore a cream lacy jacket and skirt to our wedding. In all fairness she did ask me if it was okay. It was the last of my worries at the time as my Dad's business was in serious trouble, he had mounting debts and ill health, plus the fact she'd managed to find something cheap she liked (having sold some copper pans she had). It was the last time we were all together as my poor Dad didn't live the week, so in context her wearing a cream outfit (I had a cream dress) didn't matter one bit, we all had the day together and happy.

SnowDance you said she made a massive fool of herself. How did you know this? Or is that just your interpretation?

Many people don't care, me included.

And no, I haven't worn white to a wedding. Purely because it isn't flattering on me.

Op shes going to make herself look like a massive twat if she wears white with intention of upstaging you, everyone else will think that too!
Dont give her the satisfaction of even saying anything, shes just out for a row.
She can only get to you if u let her, just smile and wave at the old crow!

How on earth is any woman going upstage the BRIDE?

Nice bit of ageism there too Betty.

Watch out at the wedding my Mil tried barge into the Bridal suite when l was getting ready. I'd only wanted my mum and bridesmaids in there but she told them ld said her aswell. My late mum was a bit of a battle axe bless her and soon got rid. Mil had a face like a slapped arse right through.

I'm not surprised your MIL was put out. How mean to allow your mum and bridesmaids and not her.

It's no wonder there's so much disharmony between DILs and their MILs.

I think I would make a joke out of the wearing white thing. Ask her if she'd like a bouquet as well etc. Pretend you think she's joking, or get your hen party to. Either that or bask in how utterly stupid she will make herself look wearing nearly white lace as a wedding guest!

With regards to your ds I'd be bloody tempted to replace the vegetables on her plate with chocolate and sweets. Or only invite them for after you've eaten. I'm sure once will get the point across and you won't have to say a word!

This is on one of those MOB/G lists. I’m not sure whoever classified it was such really thought it through.

An image for those who can’t be bothered to click the link.

I’m really hoping the MIL in this thread has bought something like this.