To think choking during the sex is no go...

[drecmore]

Been together 10 years, few months ago he admitted he doesn't love me, can't see the relationship going forward etc.

Anyway after talking and debating we decided to give ourselves another go...

Few nights ago went out for dinner. Surpassingly we had really good time, drank too much wine and somehow I asked him if he had any sexual fantasies (we didn't have sex for moths now as he was "leaving" me, unhappy and not interested).

Well he said he's really into choking, spanking and waxing.... (giving not receiving)

Wtf I am supposed to think about it???

[starzig]

It's not up to anyone else to tell you what to think. If you would like to partake then do so. If not ignore it and if he says anything else, tell him it is not your thing.

[peterpansbrother]

Sounds like he has been watching blue movies, but what he explained are fantasy's which is what you asked him ? So does it mean he wanted to do it to you ?
Do you consider what he said, you may have actually enjoyed it, on the flip side you may have hated it.

Food for thought but I agree strange comment for him to come out with

[BigBaboonBum]

His fantasies are irrelevant considering he said he doesn’t love you. Don’t let him use you for quick panick shags now

[Pinkwintersocks]

I'm glad a few people have said it.

Anyone who wants to be choked or wants to choke other people has got some serious fucking issues.

[BigBaboonBum]

However I think there is a difference between fantasies and things that people are comfortable doing. It’s possible he fantasies over this but wouldn’t like to do it in reality.

Anyway it’s irrelevant because he said he doesn’t love you, so I wouldn’t be going near it

[peterpansbrother]

I also understand the worry with the rough sex. But I also know people who really enjoy rough sex which includes choking , not strangulation obviously.

Everyone one likes differ things and if that's his thing he needs to find a compatible partner I think

[Butterymuffin]

I'm with Griddlebone. Fed up of kink shaming being a terrible crime but it's apparently fine to go 'oh, that, it's totally vanilla really, try it, you should try everything once'. Actually, no, you shouldn't if you don't want to. Consent - enthusiastic consent - should come before being cool.

Out of interest, what's the balance in porn of women being choked versus men being choked?

[Teabagtits]

Sounds to me he’s happy to use you as a recipticle. That not a respectful relationship. Sexual fetish needs to come from a place of respect and safety and usually mutuality. Would you feel safe letting a man who says he no longer loves you do these things to you?

[Weebo]

Mitel you keep giving these things numbers out of 10 like people know what the shite you are talking about.

Sthaaaaap...

[notangelinajolie]

He doesn't love you.
He doesn't love you.
He doesn't love you.

Repeat until it sinks in.

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

Anyone who wants to be choked or wants to choke other people has got some serious fucking issues.

See this; this is the type of comment I have issue with.

There’s nothing wrong with it not being your kink, and there’s nothing wrong with not even wanting to give it a go. If you don’t want to, you don’t want to and that’s perfectly fine.

But saying people who engage in this type of play in a healthy, trusting and loving relationship have “serious fucking issues” is not acceptable.

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Thanks, women who are in the kink scene and are happy to encourage women to submit to unwanted strangulation, for making it more difficult for women who are victimized by a man performing the single most likely indicative action that an abuser will escalate to murder.

What a lovely thing you're all doing in the name of getting off.

[aquashiv]

Choking? Oh for the love of God.

[WombOfOnesOwn]

There's no way to do choking so safely that you are guaranteed not to get brain damage. "Kinksters" like to think that no sexual activities have negative consequences inherently, but choking does. It doesn't matter how "lovingly" it's done. Women have died during these "games" and "play sessions," and when a woman tells people she loves choking, if her husband does eventually strangle her in the marital bed, he'll probably be able to use the rough sex defense to go free.

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

Thanks, women who are in the kink scene and are happy to encourage women to submit to unwanted strangulation,

I really hope you’re not including me in that. For one thing, the kink scene is huge and no two people are the same; you can’t lump all kinky people together as one homogeneous mass.

And for the most important part, I haven’t in any of my posts indicated the OP should do it, or indeed that anyone should do it when they just don’t want to.

”Kinksters" like to think that no sexual activities have negative consequences

Well that’s a massively incorrect generalisation. Never heard of safe, sane and consensual (SSC) or risk-aware consensual kink (RACK) for starters?

For what it’s worth, while I’m into a lot of kinky sex, I’ve never been into choking or breath play; it’s never interested me. Like I said, the kink scene is just too large to even think about lumping it all in as one.

[Toadinthehole]

Well there are fetishes where people like to do the housework naked while someone watches

I suggested this to DW and she wasn't interested.



Other than that: possibly he likes the idea of choking because of porn. More disturbingly, perhaps he likes that sort of porn because he likes choking people.

If that's "vanilla", society's gone a bit crazy.

[lilly0]

I think he's been wanking to too much porn a light hand around the neck can be very erotic but being used like that to indulge his fantasies is another thing. I have used hot wax it's nice and not really painful and light spanking but I have suggested these things.

[Weebo]

Saying a man who wants to strangle his partner has issues is not unacceptable.

There is nothing healthy or loving about strangulation. Nothing at all kink or no kink.

No man who has one drop of common sense would risk the dangers of it.

If you engage in it you are simply fucking a stupid guy. I suggest you stop that.

[Gladiola44]

Absolutely agree Weebo.

[itsbetterthanabox]

It doesn’t matter if someone says they want it you don’t harm other people!
What kind of man WANTS to strangle women? What kind of man is aroused by pretending to kill a woman?
You cannot spin this in any way that isn’t fucked up.

[BekoLeGecko]

I suppose I'm pretty stupid for enjoying it, then. (Female, I receive, I don't give).

As my first comment shows (page 1) I do not condone anybody doing something they are unhappy with.
Op isn't so I advised her not to do it, not least on the account that they aren't exactly a strong couple right now and there needs to be a lot of trust between both parties.
womb don't know who you think you are lumping people into "kinky things" into one pile as if we all have a hive mind when there are posters here including myself who do engage in this stuff and advise op NOT to do it!

Another thing, choking can absolutely be done safely without causing death or even a mark

I don't like being choked to the point of passing out (so don't do it) and I imagine that's considerably more dangerous, but you can't generalise and say that it's something that'll cause you to die or get brain damage...

As for "kinksters think there are no negative consequences" you're just showing your lack of experience now. Safety is taken extremely seriously by the BDSM community.

It's also really sad to see it so lambasted as "people who do this have issues".
im happy to answer questions and not be confrontational about it if anyone is curious (as this thread is a tad derailed now) but I think all I'll get is told I'm crazy and stupid though (either directly or by proxy).

For the OP: I'll reiterate what I said earlier. Don't do this. Don't even entertain it for a second. He's free to like what he wants but don't engage in it with him

[itsbetterthanabox]

Calling it a ‘community’ is very funny.

[BekoLeGecko]

Why? What's so funny about it?
It's frequently referred to as a community (or "communities" if you're referring to local groups) by pretty much everyone I've ever come across. It's an easy way to say
"People who engage in BDSM".

[SoozC]

I haven't rtft but please, just don't do it. I know someone who died due to this, it is not worth the risks. Please don't.

[Mrsmadevans]

I am re-reading this thread and a thought struck me. Have the people involved in this 'Scene' been groomed by the 'givers'? Just worn down by pleading and sulking and exposure to the thought that this is mighty fine behaviour. Just a thought. Answers on a postcard
Griddle high five!