To think choking during the sex is no go...

[drecmore]

Been together 10 years, few months ago he admitted he doesn't love me, can't see the relationship going forward etc.

Anyway after talking and debating we decided to give ourselves another go...

Few nights ago went out for dinner. Surpassingly we had really good time, drank too much wine and somehow I asked him if he had any sexual fantasies (we didn't have sex for moths now as he was "leaving" me, unhappy and not interested).

Well he said he's really into choking, spanking and waxing.... (giving not receiving)

Wtf I am supposed to think about it???

[Friedgreen]

Those are his fantasies with other women, not you. Even if you try them he will still have these fantasies about other women and eventually will leave as he doesn’t love you.

[drecmore]

Friedgreen I think you are spot on, sadly...

[BitOutOfPractice]

I'd think that if it's the first time he's mention this in a decade together he's either started watching porn or is doing that with someone else. That's what I'd think of that tbh

[mimibunz]

Indulging his fantasies won’t make him love you. Wish him well and move on!

[Andromeida29]

There's nothing wrong with these actions if it's between consensual adults but he's said he doesn't love you so I wouldn't trust him to be interested in your safety.

[Dahlietta]

ClaryFray, I didn't say that I didn't know what they were - I just said I don't think they count as vanilla. I'm also not sure that knowing about sexual fetishes makes you 'educated'

[Engorged]

Did he ask about your fantasies? Sounds very one sided on the effort.

I like spanking, dh choking. Both receiving. Its consensual and we both enjoy it. The key being both of us enjoy it and induldge each other.

Your dh sounds like hes checked out but isnt above using you for fun.

[Engorged]

Im sorry op, it must be upsetting for you.

[Mitel]

If you trust and believe it won't go past a reasonable strength strangle, then I would say give it a go. You may enjoy it. Any more than a 7/10 strangle then tap him to stop. Could be a good way to get your sex life back on track.

[DancingOnRainbows]

Gosh, it was a good 10 years before I hinted at my husband about choking. I'm definitely not a porn addict either! I don't think there is anything unusual in the time.

[ReanimatedSGB]

People develop new kinks all the time. Yes, sometimes they get ideas from porn and that isn't necessarily a terrible thing. Lots of people got into BDSM after reading the 50 Shades books (despite the fact that they do not give a remotely accurate picture of kink in themselves.)

But no one has to do anything they don't fancy, and it's never going to be a good idea to agree to sex or kink that scares or disgusts you, just to demonstrate to an indifferent partner that you will do anything to please them.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Also TBH breath play with someone who has MH issues and has announced he doesn't love you? NOPE. If the idea of it turns you on, find someone who actually appreciates you and knows what he's doing to try it out with.

[LemonysSnicket]

It’s a fantasy.

I like all of those things, some people just do.

[Mrsmadevans]

You know these things sound very much like torture and cruelty to me. What warped mind would want to do this to someone. Why on earth would someone want it inflicted upon them. It is beyond me . I do wonder if the person who is giving , has coersed, manipulated or pressured the person on the receiving end to comply. Nasty business imho.

[papayasareyum]

“a reasonable strength strangle”
Wtf?
Am I still on Mumsnet or did I enter the twilight zone?

[maygirl27]

Afraid I agree with Irk 100%. Get away from this odious individual for your own sake.

[IMightMentionGriddlebone]

If you trust and believe it won't go past a reasonable strength strangle, then I would say give it a go. You may enjoy it. Any more than a 7/10 strangle then tap him to stop. Could be a good way to get your sex life back on track.

I think I'd rather never have sex again, than try to rekindle a joint sex life by offering myself up to be strangled. At any level of strength.

[Mitel]

As in not enough to make you pass out, but be pretty red faced, tight chest and eyes bulging a little. Any more than that I think is a no no.
Is it wrong to get excited thinking about it...?

[TossDaily]

Why don't they ever have a fetish for doing the ironing?

So boring, with the spanking 🙄

[IMightMentionGriddlebone]

Mitel Have you heard of the phrase your kink is not my kink? Slogan of peace, diversity and tolerance, all that jazz.

The corollary of that (which I have never heard elsewhere but is definitely necessary at this point in the thread) would be my kink is not your kink. This one is less of a message of understanding and tolerance, and more of an admonition not to push other people's boundaries. The OP doesn't need to give it a go.

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

Why don't they ever have a fetish for doing the ironing?

Well there are fetishes where people like to do the housework naked while someone watches. They don’t get off on the housework though, but rather the CFNM/CMNF humiliation and/or servitude aspect.

[HairyBallTheorem]

I like that Griddle. I'm frequently left feeling a bit as if kink-shaming is the worst thing ever, but the very same people who say this are all too happy to "prude-shame" (as though liking vanilla sex is down to being a prude - it's not, it's just what floats my boat).

[NormaNameChange]

IMightMentionGriddlebone ohh so well said. Thank you.

[NormaNameChange]

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 I think there are people for whom the act of ironing, cleaning floor, making the perfect meal is something that can feed a need in thoae wired for service, doing it naked brings in the humiliation (or potential for a good crack on the arse or two with implement of your choice) but even washing your other, performing acts of care can bring a mighty pleasant head space if you are driven that way.

[Reddlion]

what is waxing