AIBU to expect more CM from ex for ASD son?

[northernnelli]

A bit of backstory – DS7 was diagnosed with ASD when he was a toddler. He went to a special school until Jan last year when he started in mainstream education with a 1-on-1 TA support. His progress has been great and he enjoys school. His father and I split up 2.5 yrs ago. I have since remarried. My ex was paying an amount we agreed via email at the time of separation. He now wants to go through CMS as he says he can't afford to keep paying what he does and his income varies year to year, which will leave me with only £720 a month, almost £300 less that what he currently pays and AGREED to with NO NOTICE. I receive mid-rate DLA for DS but this may be stopped.

The thing is, CMS don't take into consideration the additional needs of my child! Although his ASD doesn't cost MONEY that I can show him invoices for, it costs TIME because I don't think afterschool care is appropriate for DS (he did attend a mainstream summer daycare last year without a 1-on-1 but I personally think he is too tired at the end of the day for afterschool club to be considered) therefore I am limited in the hours I can work as I have to personally care for him myself at the end of the school day. All I can do at the moment is work from home which barely makes me anything. I was unable to work at all when he was young which means I gave up my career to care for him. My ex on the other hand has become quite successful.

AIBU to think he should be paying more than the CMS rate? I intend to take this all the way to court so I can get a court ordered CM instead of CMS rate. He's suggesting applying to the cMS every year because his income varies (+/- about £20k a yr), but his DS's needs don't vary so why should he miss out??

And yes I know CM is for child maintenance but it doesn’t cost £700-£1000 to have a child each month. Your ex would be better off going through CSA, you’re just angry because you’ll have to adjust your lifestyle.

On 80k cms calculator says he should pay £602 assuming no kids at exhs house. I appreciate you have probably got used to a certain level of c.maintenance but there may be a reason he cannot afford it any longer, and a court will not want to put him into poverty.

What does after school care cost if £720 a month won't cover it?

One of my kids with autism costs me around £17 ph for care whilst I’m not there

You need to tighten your belts then and live within your means.

Have you tried applying for school based jobs?

This isn't your exes fault. He is paying more than enough for your ds. What are you doing with the money?

But he’s not going to specialist after school care, just bog standard after school care which usually costs around a fiver an hour

Why can't you work when he is at school? Work at his school?

Because those sorts of jobs are as rare as hen's teeth. You can't just decide that's the job you want and it falls into your lap! Sheesh!

Are you having a laugh?
You have remarried so you have another household income. Yes your earning potential is limited - that's what happens with parenthood...I'm a single parent and have to pay for childcare and limit the hours that I can work.
Can you work evenings or weekends? I do late shifts and weekends when my son is at his Dad's house in addition to my mon to fri income.

And if the father earns a certain amount why shouldn't his DC get a share of that as they would if they lived as a family?

Just because you don't get as much/nothing at all doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer when their ex has the earning power.

But it's ONE child. What do you mean you would be in trouble if it was reduced to 400?! I manage to have a child with asd with NO maintenance. I'm struggling to believe this is serious.

I wish you luck, I've never been able to for my ASD DS.

£720 isn't just for childcare though is it?? There's rent, council tax, utility bills, food bills, internet, clothes, uniform, not to mention all the other costs of days out, presents. OH can only have him EOW plus a weekend day once a month so I pay a huge majority of the costs

You’re very fortunate that you’re receiving that much money, more so the higher amount.

The CM is to keep your child, not you. Are you claiming carers allowance, and have you noticed tax credits that your child receives DLA as you get a little extra tax credits.

You are not going to be able to force him to pay more than cms rate. No matter what court you go through.

you are going to have to look at your own income (from work or carers allowanc?) and if you want to put him in childcare then you'll have to pay for that, if your household income is low then you might get some help with that.

Your ex isn't expected to fund you caring for your child. That might be wrong or unfair in some cases, but it's how it is. Any provision for you should have been made in your divorce. Ongoing he's only expected to provide for your Ds in proportion to his income.

I'm not sure if you can make an application to the Court. Schedule 1 of the CA can only be used if NRP is earning more than the CMS max incomes or is out of the jurisdiction.

You can double check what the CMS calculation would be on their website, but if a referral is made to them formally and that calculation is confirmed, there's not much more that can be done via that route.

Perhaps threatening Court is counter-productive. Could you try mediation with your ex? See if talking calmly may find an agreement?

Maintenance is all relative, so it's not really relevant that others get less than you or think you are lucky to have received over £700 until now.

The question here is simply what are you entitled to and can you force him to continue to pay the old rate or do you have to accept a CMS assessment (and could you force him to pay more than the CMS amount). This question is easily answered.

The law is this. Unless your ex earns more than the CMS maximum (which is £3k per week) then you are not entitled to more and you have no legal basis to "fight" for more. You are lumped with what the CMS makes him pay. If he is self employed or owns his company, then you could appeal the CMS assessment on the basis that he is deliberately lowering his income to avoid paying you (but nothing you have said indicates that this is the case). Your appeal will go through a special child maintenance Tribunal. If he is living a millionaire's lifestyle and clearly has access to more money than he's letting on then again you could appeal a CMS assessment on that basis.

If your ex earns over the CMS maximum then the court acquires jurisdiction to top that up and give you more (the relevant provision is contained in Schedule 1 of the Children Act).

There is no way round this.

If your son has special needs which require a capital payment (eg for specialist equipment) then you could apply to the court for a lump sum payment, under Schedule 1 of the Children Act. Whether or not you succeed would depend on your own financial situation as well as the father's.

It sounds to me like your only option is to appeal personally to the father, highlighting DS's difficulties and the extra care you have to provide for him, and ask him to pay more than the CMS. If he can't afford the £700+ any more then you are not going to get that, but can only hope for some sort of compromise.

Yes there are all those bills. The household ones should be shared with your new dh.

Days out are a luxury to most. Presents are twice per year and £100 for each max.

After school care is about a fiver. Why can't you afford this? You're upset your gravy train is ending.

I feel like things like rent and bills aren't supposed to come out of child maintenance anyway? You are clearly too dependant on your ex's money OP.

I’m honestly outraged on your ex’s behalf to be honest, it’s appalling that you and your current husband would be struggling without his money. He’s already paying well above what he needs to. Make your own life changes, it’s not his responsibility anymore.

So basically, you have THREE adults paying your rent, council tax, utility bills, food bills, internet, clothes, uniform etc

Sounds great to me!

He has him every other week?! He has him half of the time and he’s still paying you this ludicrous amount? You live in la la land!

£720 isn't just for childcare though is it?? There's rent, council tax, utility bills, food bills, internet, clothes, uniform, not to mention all the other costs of days out, presents. OH can only have him EOW plus a weekend day once a month so I pay a huge majority of the costs

I pay all this on a low income, no partner and an ex who pays £150 per month. I fail to see how with two salaries, DLA and the £720 plus I assume CB you are unable to live comfortably. Something's not right here OP. Can you give us more information on your household earnings v outgoings?

PS You have to get a maximum CMS assessment before the court legally acquires jurisdiction

Op you’re going to get outrage here because quite honestly, whether you’re able to earn or not due to sons asd, you’re getting a lot right now. Even if he reduces it, you’re getting a lot.
Just to put it into perspective for you-
I can’t work, ds1 is under assessment. Doesn’t cope with change, couldn’t to breakfast or after school clubs. I’m also disabled.
I get nothing from his father. All we get (and I think we are lucky) is income support, tax credits, child benefit and maintenance from ds2s father. Oh and housing and council tax relief.
No, we don’t live in luxury, but they have lovely things and full bellies.
That’s without an extra income. Yes, I go without regularly. I don’t mind. I get annoyed that ds1s dad no longer pays maintenance- but nothing I can do but adjust our spending.

I honestly don’t think court will award you more because your ds has additional needs. It would actually be a waste of your time, energy and money to do so.

Presumably you get CB and tax credits too.

You are living beyond your means and need to stop.

The costs that result from your child's additional needs would technically be covered by you receiving DLA (the same as if you were still together with your ex) therefore no court is going to enforce additional payments from your ex for this. Whether you think it's adequate is beside the point - officially your circumstances have already been taken into account.