A son is a son untill he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life?

[Anxiousally]

Aibu to ask if this is true in your experience?

It makes me feel quite sad

DS is only 18 months old so I've a while yet and DHs mum passed away when he was young so I've not really experienced/witnessed an adult male and mother bond?
Just curious?

I'm hoping it's not true for my boys.
It's not strictly true for dh either - if he didn't have me I doubt he'd have any kind of relationship at all with his parents.

All my grown up kids are very loving and supportive. Which is amazing considering!!

If MIL is decent it all depends on the wife. A lot of the 'justnoMIL' threads are written by crazy bitches. Just like a lot of MILs are also crazy bitches.

If they're both decent people then it's rarely an issue I guess. And no one is ever really going to write a glowing thread about their MIL just to boast how awesome she is.

That being said, I'm almost hoping my son is gay just so I don't have the chance of having a crazy bitch as a DIL.

My husband and his brother both still have a really nice bond with their Mum well into their 40s, close but not intrusively so, and in turn I have been made very welcome in the family. I would say that their relationship is as close if not closer than mine with my Mum.

jessiecake
yes!

StopTheRoundabout, you are on this site for what exactly? How rude for you to be so dismissive of ‘anxiousally’, this forum is for all issues, all of the time no matter what! When my daughter got married I panicked that I would lose her to her ‘new family’however as stated by anxiousally a daughter is a daughter for life & my daughter and I are still as close as ever! My son is 25 & I am concerned about losing him once he marries & have been for years! Please don’t be so ignorant!

In my experience it is very true.

I now have no contact with my son whatsoever. mainly because of his wife and her control over him.

We were VERY close, she needed to compete. She won. It took her 8 years of endless jealousy and resentment. But she achieved her aim.

Needless to say that my door, and my arms, are always open for him. I hope one day he smells the coffee.....

Every time I read 'gate keeper' I remember Ghost busters, original obvs !!!!

anxiousally
You are so right!!

No.

My dh is closer to his mum than o am to mine.
His mum was a single parent and they’re really close.
My mum is lovely but her and my dad are a really tight unit and I don’t really spend any 1:1 time with my Mum. I’m probably closer to my dad.

Tigertails
I agree!

note to self, get off mnet and do something!

sallyarmy1 - sounds a similar experience to mine. I have no words of wisdom to share but I feel your pain.

In my experience it’s true. Also grandchildren feel different too. I can advise my daughter on her children. Wouldn’t dream of saying anything about my sons children it’s just so different .

Since my dad died my brother has been brilliant. He sees my mum every week and even took her on holiday. I live a couple of hundred miles away and it's lovely that they spend so much time together. She is a fantastic mum and raised us with love so maybe that's why she has such a good relationship with him.
My partner is close to his mum but she is a very busy woman. We invite her here all the time but she's usually too busy. We visit her regularly but I see more of my mum as she's more available. I hope it's not true as I have boys. Hopefully they will choose nice partners but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Now they're both lovely and cuddly 😀

Hmm....I have 2 DS and 1 DD...I'm close to all 3 but not in a claustrophobic way.
DS1s ex is so close to her mum that it was part of the reason their relationship failed. Her DM/Dsis were there every day, she gave them keys and they walked into their flat all times without knocking. Every decision had to be discussed with her. And yes she is major grandma and I rarely get to see my DGS because of it, so I am very much minor grandma.
Because I leave my DC to get on with things and don't speak to them every day I'm 'abnormal' apparently.
DS2/DIL are close..no issues..we speak once a week..they visit/we visit every so often...
DD and I speak/message every few days and see each other every few months.(lives further away)..her DP sees his parents once a week. They welcome DD as part of their family.

I have two sons. But as I plan to spend my retirement travelling and not doing the school run, the old saying doesn't bother me too much

I have three sons and feel the same 😉

My dh goes round to his parents house every morning for a cup of tea and a poo before work. It's mainly for commute reasons but he likes it! We see dh's family much more than mine but my family are quite a bit further away.

I always take this saying to mean that women are usually obliged to keep up caring duties to their family of origin as well as to their own partners and kids, whereas men are free to focus on their own wife and children once they marry, and aren't expected to keep on dong shopping/cleaning/ferrying about for elderly parents.

Which is true in my experience.

Not always the case, lost my Daughter along time ago, it Hurts

The true saying should be "a son is a son until he takes a wife and the MIL pisses both of them off so much the son stops being so close, a daughter's a daughter for life having been socialised into feeling too guilty to abandon caring responsibilities, even when that would be the best thing for her and her family"

.... but that's far too long to become a popular saying

I'm afraid this us the case with my parents. I lost my mum last year and my dear dad is disabled from a stroke. My brother has not lifted a finger for years and was being very rude about them when mum was nearing the end of her life. I love my dad and miss my mum a lot.

I think it depends who the son marries. I know several women who refuse point blank to spend Christmas or other time with their husband’s parents - and more fool the man for not insisting the time is shared out between the families. I would hate to end up with a daughter in law like this.

Ask my mum this and you'll hear differently-there's four of us-two of each and she's always saying it's terrible how her daughters were taken away from her, we both ended up living where husbands are from, opposite ends of the country.