A son is a son untill he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life?

[Anxiousally]

Aibu to ask if this is true in your experience?

It makes me feel quite sad

DS is only 18 months old so I've a while yet and DHs mum passed away when he was young so I've not really experienced/witnessed an adult male and mother bond?
Just curious?

What, you mean she won't allow her husband to take his kids to his mum at all?

Not unless she is there. She used to stand over me giving a 9 month old a bottle. What did she think I was going to do!

As for the rest of the comments you see loads of threads on here about dhs making no effort for wifes birthdays and that. No surprise there that men have to be told to.make an effort for their mother .

I know how to feed a baby a bottle

Why is it always the babies people want to see?

No DH can’t take our baby to his parents for any length of time, he’s breastfed, also, he’s a baby, so it’s fine for me to keep his close IMO.

The 5 and 2 year old, on the other hand, spend loads of time with the in laws. Part of the reason they do is because MIL wasn’t all up in my face demanding to take them off me as babies (FIL was a bit, but she set him right!)

My mum was one of those grans who just wants to hold babies but isn’t interested in grandchildren as people. We don’t see her anymore.

Women are the facilitators of family relationships and socialising. That's why. I can contact my own family and initiate meet ups but don't feel it's my place to do that with my in laws hence more time is spent with my family.

Kind of true in our case, we moved to be near my parents but dp didn’t have an amazing relationship with his p beforehand so I guess it’s all relative

Batteriesallgone

That was but one example. It isnt just babyhood.

My nephews are now 3 and 5 and my sister was so controlling in their upbringing and routine that they cant be left.

She takes 2 hours putting them to bed and has to lie in bed with them taking turns until they fall asleep.

I dont know if she wanted to create needy children who cant be without her.

But I'd be happy to take my older nephews and babysit. Nope. No one but her can do story or bed time for children of that age.

They also now cant be taken at that age to MIL as she thinks they won't cope a few hours without her.

It's a silly saying. It has no truth. Just another reason to be anti boys. Someone actually said to their daughter when one on my DSs was around 8 "we don't like boys, do we. They're Horrid". In front of him. Very damaging to the daughter and bloody unkind to my son.

When I met my husband 15 years ago I already had a two year old son from a previous relationship. From the start I was friendly and polite but my MIL made it clear she couldn’t stand me or my son. I went on to have two other children with my husband and she treated them differently to my son. As the years went on it got so bad that my son got left out of a wedding photo of all the grandchildren ( her doing). It was the last straw for me and I gave up trying. I’m now separated from my husband and her influence was a major part of it. As a mum I will never make my DIL feel like that and only hope I will be supportive and able to have a loving relationship with her when the time comes

It's weird as this saying flies in the face of the stereotypical man (oft complained about here) who loves his overbearing mumsy and his overbearing wifey and gets trapped in the middle as they both go nuts when the other won't give in to them.

My DH visits his mum and stepdad once a week and we both see them from time to time. I would see them more, but almost a whole Saturday not being nagged by the kids is too irresistible.

There is truth in it, yes.

But there are lots of reasons behind it. One of (I think) the biggest and simplest reasons is just that two women will tend to have more in common - so an adult daughter is more likely to go places with her mum, shop, chat, coffee - and that just leads to a closer, more everyday relationship. Usually saying that results in AVALANCHES of posts with folk either saying they have NOTHING in common with their mums and their brothers are far closer, wives saying noooo my H takes MIL shopping and for coffee every week. Yes there are some who will, absolutely. But most - no. The result is that the family of a DD tend to be closer than that of a DS. I see it time and time again.

Other family dynamics often come into play too. For example, a good friend has a very exhausting relationship with her DH's side of the family. He has a lovely mum and dad, and one sister. They got together in their late 30s, his sis was married at 22 and had 4 children in her twenties. By the time my friend came along, the sis had completely taken on the mantle of 'family matriarch' - she now 'did Christmas' at hers and the mum and dad went there, friend's DH was 'single brother' who was usually roped in too. She took mum for appointments, etc. My friend coming along and marrying her DH caused calamity - alhough outwardly friendly, things with his sis have been fraught, any hint that my friend is attempting to take on a 'female in the family' role has caused upset. Sis really did not like it when the parents started to split time between the two families, once they had their kids. Horrid really although as I say officially no-one has fallen out. Eventually, they moved away - for this as well as other reasons. Sis has been known to comment now about the moving away and how her brother clearly didn't feel as much family duty as she does-! Well, if he and his wife been ALLOWED to take an appropriate place within that family and have space to form their own bonds, maybe things would have been different!

So - lots of situations.

As with all sayings though, it's true in some cases, not true in others. There are loads of variables. I am one that always says I don't have as much in common with my mum as my dad. I never go shopping or out for coffee with her or sit and chat. Our personalities are too different. What that saying does do though is make some mothers of boys feel that they are second best or, like the OP, sad that their baby sons will not want to have anything to do with them when they are adults! It's a rude, untrue and uneccesarily hurtful saying that has no point to other than to make people feel bad about being mothers of boys rather than girls (who's primary job seems to be to keep their own mothers company/being their 'best friends' while simultaneously destroying their husbands relationship with his own mother!)

I don't think there is any truth in that saying at all. It depends on the personalities involved.

I have a very good relationship with my ds 26. We have the same interests, same humour, often meet for lunch. I also have an excellent relationship with my dil. They are very well suited.

My dd 18 and I are complete opposites and as much as I love her, have little in common.

Not true in my experience, I live about 7 miles away from my mum and I haven’t seen her in a year

What a load of bollos

It depends on the personalities involved.

Agree with this. We live about 30mins from my inlaws. My parents are 2 hours away but we probably see them just as much. I come from a very close, affectionate family. My brother sees my parents alot as well. We are in daily contact. It does help we have a lot in common as well.

My DH is close to his DM but she can be quite cold and difficult. They get on well now but there's been issues in the past. She admits herself she wasn't the most affectionate of mothers.

I think if MIL had, had a daughter she wouldn't be any closer to her than she is her sons.

I have a baby son - I hope to god my hypothetical future DIL likes me!

It really does depend quite a lot on their partner. My DB is very close to our DM, has always been a bit on the clingy suffocating side. Since he's been with his DP (4 years now) things have been very strained because of her particular issues. I see our DM about twice a week though and I could easily call her my best friend.

On the opposite side I get on very well with my PIL and my DH has an unfortunate habit of becoming very insular with me and our DD, so all of the effort to see his parents comes from me.

It really does depend quite a lot on their partner. My DB is very close to our DM, has always been a bit on the clingy suffocating side. Since he's been with his DP (4 years now) things have been very strained because of her particular issues. I see our DM about twice a week though and I could easily call her my best friend.

On the opposite side I get on very well with my PIL and my DH has an unfortunate habit of becoming very insular with me and our DD, so all of the effort to see his parents comes from me.

Thankfully my DH is defo true to this saying

Hmm very split opinions
I suppose all you can really do is try to raise them with respect and good values and be a welcoming and laid back mil and hope for the best

It all depends. My DH and his mum are very close. I love her so that’s a bonus. BIL not so close.

And respectful mil!! Treat dil like a friend.. A good friend. Ask yourself... Hang on before I go rummaging in her underwear drawer... Would I do this to sue? Would I take blankets over to sues.. To pretty up her home...

And I would say if we got on well... If I ever do something to upset your wife, partner will you tell me please before it gets out of hand!!

My DH is very close to his family. I'm not close to mine. They are mentalists.

My husband and his brother are devoted to their mother. Sadly, they now live in other countries but speak on the phone weekly and visit whenever they can. I think this saying probably goes back to the days when a daughter was expected to look after ageing parents.

I believe it’s true. It’s been the case for my husband and his two brothers. Each of them have moved to the hometown of their wife including my DH