A son is a son untill he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life?

[Anxiousally]

Aibu to ask if this is true in your experience?

It makes me feel quite sad

DS is only 18 months old so I've a while yet and DHs mum passed away when he was young so I've not really experienced/witnessed an adult male and mother bond?
Just curious?

smiling-why does your dil get to say what is and isn't convenient though?

Ask him to organise something.

If he knows that his wife is always saying no-why would he accuse you of not making the effort?

Could you offer to have some "kit" at your place so that they don't need to bring so uch?

If you offer solutions, how can he not fail to see what is going on?

Maybe he does though & isn't bothered?

I think it is because women do still hold the "social strings".

Bil and sil have what many on MN would consider the perfect relationship with in-laws: ie each attends to his/her own family. Sil is very close with her family and have large gatherings/group holidays/spend Christmas etc together. Bil is responsible for dealing with his side.

All very well in theory, but bil, although not a bad bloke, has only sporadically remembered his side of the family's birthdays; he has never remembered dd's. I know sil's nieces and nephews get b'day and Christmas presents, but our dcs never do as it's up to bil to buy them. He will contact dh to go out for a drink, but never organises a family gathering. Actually we were invited to dinner about ten years ago and bil microwaved something he'd bought from the CoOp, whilst sil is renowned for her culinary skills.

It may be equal - but it's not very kind .

This does seem true to me. My DH spends Christmas, holidays etc with my family. His brother is the same with his wife’s family. This is common among all my friends to be honest.

Yes but why should wife (aka "mummy" ) have to step in and manage her husbands' familial relationships?

So so unfair. I brought a stop to all that with the simple question - DH when did you last buy my mother a birthday present? Tumbleweed...

I think depends on the mum. My MIL was horrendous and couldn't accept no longer controlling DH every move. Typical nightmare MIL. Therefore DH and we have kept her at a friendly distance.

However my friends that get on well with theirs and are really involved have the following in common;

Mil accepted them as part of family (MIL made it very clear I wasn't welcomed and had taken her grown son away merely as she couldn't dictate to us daily contact)

Mil never leave DIL out e.g. handing presents to everyone except dil and not saying to the DH why don't you come just you and DC and not DIL

It is largely true in my experience - the IL always seem to draw the short straw. I have friends who each year spend Christmas with their own families and their partners families never get a look in. My own DH mother was like that though, for her family it was only the best of everything and she treated her ILs very diff by comparison.

What ark did you step off??

In my family what I have noticed is that if there is a mix of sons and daughters, then the daughters see the family more and go and visit elderly parents in nursing home a lot. Some because they choose to and some because they are the woman and told it's their duty. Because the sons see the sisters doing the visiting, selling the parents house, organising the nursing home, finances and later, funeral, they don't bother.

But where there are only sons and no daughters, the sons can't leave it to a sister to do everything. My Dad and my FIL, only had brothers and they were brilliant with phoning and visiting and remembering birthdays during their parents whole lives. In the later years they organised the nursing home, finances and funeral.

What I hear time and time again is 'my son is crap at keeping in contact etc, but my daughter great'. Therefore daughters are great.

But a Mum of 2 sons will usually say both sons are great or one better than the other at keeping in touch, due to their individual personality.

It's all about how sons and daughters are brought up. My friend has pink jobs and blue jobs in her house. Urrggghh!

Let's remember it's 2018 and not 1950. Most of my female friends work where as my Mum and her friends didn't. Things have changed. I live far from my parents because of my career. My brother (40) still lives at home and works locally.

I think it just depends on the individual, my mum had a lovely close relationship with my brother, but once he got married he changed. Hus wife was and is a control freak who kept him away from us all and only let him be around her own family. Consequently their children were only allowed to get close to her parents.

People would assume my mum was only close to my kids but it wasn't of her doing. My brother is a weak easily dominated fool though, not all sons would be like this. For instance, if i had been like that with my dh he wouldn't have stood for it.

my brother is the biggest mummys-boy you will ever meet - hes 41 and i say that in a good way. My sister and i are close to my mother - even though i live in a different continent to her for the last 15 years...

My DH was always close to his parent’s, whilst I’m not with mine. Irinically, I used to get on better with my MIL and an awful lot better than with my own DM. MIL has sadly since passed away, but I get on with FIL and my own DF.
It’s my own DM who was actually labelled as a classic sociopath by a phychiatrist I spoke to once. My own childhood was highly dysfunctional, physically and mentally.
I have a feeeling that although I never spoke to my IL’s about it, they eventually sussed out what was going on.
So the saying isn’t always true!

Totally opposite in my family