Was I right to inform HV?

[horseyhorsey123]

My friend has an almost 3 month old who she is planning on weaning soon. I've tried talking to her about the new recommendations, but she seems to think I've only left my own kids weaning until 6 months out of choice rather than because that's what the experts agree on. I wouldn't have said anything at all if her DD were a bit older, but 3 months seems really early. I do see why people start a little earlier, like 5 months.

Anyway, I was talking to my HV earlier about my own kids, and mentioned this to her. She said she'll pass it on to friend's HV and they'll probably arrange a visit at some point. I made sure that I wasn't reporting her as such, because she's really great and it's not like I have concerns as such. I just felt she hadn't really understood. She doesn't go to baby groups, so probably hasn't had that kind of exposure to modern weaning.

But now I'm worried it will be reported as a safe-guarding concern. There's a big custody battle going on with her stupid ex and I don't want this to go against her, but I just thought she needed a professional's opinion before she started. Who knows, the HV might say it's fine and to crack on!. Fair enough.
I made it clear that she hasn't started weaning yet, so there's no problem at the moment.

I realise I'm going to get a lot of YABU here. It came from a good place. I just care s lot about the baby.

Ah I thought it went on mum's notes, not baby's!

Either way OP this'll all blow over and chances are nothing will come of it with how stretched they are, at most your friend will get some support she may or may not need, no harm done. It's unlikely they'll mention your name either so don't worry about that, it'd be weird to give one patient info about another and what they've said (obviously different to a patient giving info to a clinician about another patient). So chill

You bad bad wrongun .....

You've overstepped the mark, big time.
It doesn't matter whether HV will do anything about it or not, to me if one of my friends did this I would not trust them anymore. How smug of you.

howthelightgetsin

I don’t understand why no one is allowed to judge anyone else’s parenting decisions

Have you ever been through a custody battle Lemon? Because I have. It’s fucking stressful and the last thing you need is so called friends making issues where there don’t need to be issues.

Cliping is a petty and snide thing to do. And escalating things to professionals when it’s not needed is spiteful.

When I had ds1 (19 years ago) the guidelines were 3 months. He was weaned at 10 weeks!
Ds2 (15)the guidelines were 4 months and he was 16 weeks. By the time I had dd (13) it had lengthened again to 6 months.

No I haven't Notreallyarsed. I don't see how this rises to the level of being ammunition in a custody battle. HVs aren't out to attack. It's not a safeguarding issue. If the stress of a custody battle makes someone overreact to this that's fair enough but I don't think it's warranted.

However, if this had happened to me (me as OP not the friend), and we were actually friends, I'd have rang her up soon after to tell her it came up in convo so she might be hearing from HV about it. If a friend did that to me I'd be fine with it, as friends don't snidely try make trouble for one another so I'd know it was completely innocent. I'm wondering whether the OP and their friend are actually friends, as it seems odd not to mention it to your friend! Unless friend has form for overreacting...

I don't think they're friends.
Suspect it's related to this custody battle.

And again: if weaning at three months is fine, why would it be an issue in a custody battle? I honestly can't work it out. It's like it being on her notes she changes the baby's nappy frequently or bathes baby daily. It would only be of interest if there was a problem with what she's doing.

Yes Truthstar I think you're right. Odd post, content designed to maximally wind people up on both sides

You sound like a busybody. Mind your own business- it's not your baby.

I hope you never make the slightest mistake with your baby.

My two were weaned from 4 months. What is the fuss over early weaning.

Either it's fine to wean at 12 weeks and so she's done nothing wrong anyone can say anything to her about, or it's not fine and therefore it's just good sense to ensure she knows the advice before doing it.

This^^

I weaned slightly before 6 months. She was in her own room at 6 weeks. She was away for an overnight at 4 weeks. I formula fed and used jars at the beginning of weaning before going blw. I don't go to any baby groups and she's 14 months old.

I await you reporting me.

I think it's none of your business and you should have stayed out of it.
You told her your thoughts but why you would go above her head I don't know. It reminds me of playground tit for tat reporting to the teacher

It's just weird how the people saying she's done nothing wrong weaning at 12w are also the ones saying it's wrong to report as it'll make trouble for her in some way. What? That's not logical at all.

@LemonShark because “going against guidelines” while doing nothing wrong can be construed the wrong way during a custody battle. I don’t know why that’s hard to understand.

I think there are posters on here who have had the luxury of never being scrutinised by professionals during a custody battle. You’ve no idea the ridiculous shit that can be twisted, especially in a bitter battle.

This may sound like a silly question but does the HV know your friend? Is she her HV also or from the same area. Did you give her contact details ect so that she can get in touch with her

YABU it is not your baby or your business, as long as the baby is being looked aftet and not neglected, how would you feel if someone did the same to you? you would feel as if your friend had turned against you
The mother might realise its you if you have brought this up with her
Some babies are really hungry and milk doesnt always fill them enough

because “going against guidelines” while doing nothing wrong can be construed the wrong way during a custody battle

But then if the HV doesn't talk to her, and she goes ahead and does it, what's to stop the ex bringing it up himself? In which case, surely she's in a better place if she can say she's spoken to her HV about her weaning plans?

Whatever way you look at it Lemonshark snitching to a HV (and yes, she was snitching; there was absolutely no justifiable reason for her to mention her ‘friend’ and give the HV the baby’s name so ‘friend’ could be identified and brought to task) was a nasty move to make by what sounds like a thoroughly sanctimonious individual

I disagree commuter, however we only have this post to go on. Maybe the OP is snidely trying to get one up on 'friend', and it was meant with ill intent. Maybe it happened like I suggested it might in my previous post, with no ill intent. I just don't think the overall situation is a bad thing to happen, though OP is acting poorly if their intention was to try and score points or undermine their friend. But there's no evidence that's what happened.

YABU.
Tbh, from your very first post, you sounded like an awful unsupportive 'friend' full of disdain and judgy comments.
I hope she drops you like the hot potato she'll be feeding to her baby.

Tell your friend what you did and see how she reacts, being as you are so sure you did the right thing.
Please let us know what she says...