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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son moving to Australia with grandkids soon...

195 replies

MadyaunMylford · 17/01/2018 11:28

AIBU to be totally devastated. I have cancer and and various other health issues which mean it is impossible for me to undertake the flight. He did say the firm would pay for family to visit but this is no good for me. I fear I will never see them or the grandkids again.

What would you do?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 17/01/2018 11:57

I would be devastated and would ask him whether he could go in a few years' time rather than now. I would be angry, tbh, if my son went off abroad just when I needed him most. I do want my children to make the most of their lives, but a relationship works two ways. I wouldn't leave my children when they needed me most.

Taylor22 · 17/01/2018 11:57

I'm so sorry Op. it's just a shot situation. How is the rest of your support system?

Are you in contact with McMillan my family member found them a great place for advice.

And look after yourself. Do whatever you want.

Saysomethingnice · 17/01/2018 12:00

Why should she feel happy for her the when she may not be here much longer. Why Couldn't they have waited. I think its very very sad op no wonder you feel down I would be devastated too.
If you need your family it's now.
So sorry op, be upset... Then carry on It's all you can do.

JaneyEJones · 17/01/2018 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seafoodeatit · 17/01/2018 12:03

YANBU, I would be devestated too, life is short indeed but it should not be a reason to forget what matters in life, he and your grandchildren will not have this time with you again, they may come to regret missing out on precious time together.

You would not be unreasonable to express how you feel, your feelings are just as important as theirs.

Saysomethingnice · 17/01/2018 12:04

I'm all for people living thier own lives but there are moments in life when one has a right to be selfish, after childbirth is one, after bereavement is another and certainly ops situation is one where her family should put her first.
I cannot stand my Mil but I don't think I could do this to her

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 17/01/2018 12:04

You are being unfair if you expect your child to put his life on hold for you.
I understand that you feel upset but your son has his own life and he has chosen to emigrate. Yes Skype or FaceTime is available and yes I realise they are not the same as seeing and hugging your grandchildren but in the grand scheme of things you still have it good. Previous generations didn’t have skype.
I think you’re being selfish.

HuskyMcClusky · 17/01/2018 12:06

This bloody thread! Shock

Are people having a reading comprehension fail? The OP has terminal cancer. She can’t fly. She can’t go on a boat. Do people actually think reading a bedtime story over Skype is almost as good?

Some of my siblings live abroad, although not as far as OZ and we do miss each other but you get used to it and re-unions are great fun.

Yes, there’ll be loads of great fun reunions when you’re terminally ill and can’t travel FFS.

OP, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to suggest, but I don’t blame you for being devastated. I live in Aus and it wouldn’t cross my mind to move to the UK if one of my parents was so ill. Flowers

RidingWindhorses · 17/01/2018 12:06

Do you have any other offspring?

HuskyMcClusky · 17/01/2018 12:07

in the grand scheme of things you still have it good. Previous generations didn’t have skype. I think you’re being selfish.

If I said what I think right now, it’d get me banned.

illustrious · 17/01/2018 12:07

YANBU that is awful for you. I know everyone is saying be supportive of the move etc. but I find it hard to believe that he would do this knowing that you have terminal cancer AND won't be able to have you visit. He will regret that one day, the sheer selfishness of it.

ShiftyLookingBadger · 17/01/2018 12:09

So so sorry to hear this OP Flowers

Extremely poor form of your son when you are so ill. Horrendous. What is he thinking?? YANBU. What has he said to you about it? Is it a 'now or never' sort of move? What does his wife/OH think?

lunar1 · 17/01/2018 12:09

I'll be honest, I think it's a horribly selfish choice. You are terminally ill, your family should be supporting you not pissing off to the other side of the world.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, do you have other family to support you? I'd be honest with them about your feelings.

StormTreader · 17/01/2018 12:11

Its totally reasonable to be devastated, absolutely totally reasonable.

I'm sure its not a decision they made lightly, and that they have really good reasons for deciding to do it, but it still must be deeply upsetting for you.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 17/01/2018 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Saysomethingnice · 17/01/2018 12:12

Priccila I find your post deeply rude. Deeply rude. One wonders if you have either not read the ops posts or whether you have no scrap of humanity in you.

cloisonne · 17/01/2018 12:13

The reality is that when you move thousands of miles away, you'll be lucky if you see them once a year. My cousin married an Australian and in reality, it's every other year and it's not unreasonable of them not to want to use up their annual holiday leave every single year to come back to the UK to visit the GP's. It's hard when the GP's get older and health issues come into play.

My parents occasionally whinge that we live 150 miles away - it's a 2.5 hr drive so hardly the other side of the world like my cousin.

Have you any other children/siblings/family support?

McTufty · 17/01/2018 12:13

Cannot believe what @priscillaqueenofthedesert has just written to a terminally ill woman who is upset she may never see her grandkids again. Beyond insensitive.

WalkingEverywhere · 17/01/2018 12:14

bloody hell OP I'm not suprised you are upset. I'm so sorry about your diagnosis.

Do you have other kids? Are you close to your son? Is it a permanent move? If the company will pay for flights then it sounds like a temporary thing.

UnicornRainbowColours · 17/01/2018 12:14

I’m all for living life. But if my mum had terminal cancer there is no war on earth I would be moving to Australia.

So sorry op. Don’t Know what else to say really..

LagunaBubbles · 17/01/2018 12:14

Yes Skype or FaceTime is available and yes I realise they are not the same as seeing and hugging your grandchildren but in the grand scheme of things you still have it good. Previous generations didn’t have skype. I think you’re being selfish

Youre actually telling a terminally ill Mum whos dying and is worried about never seeing her son and grandchildren again that she has it good?

notapizzaeater · 17/01/2018 12:15

I'd be devastated but wouldn't show them, wish them well and cry in private.

My dh and I had dreams of moving to Dubai after a three week holiday - when we got back to Manchester airport my mum burst into tears when she saw us, she'd missed us in the three weeks, we never told her we had been planning to go but decided we couldn't do it.

LagunaBubbles · 17/01/2018 12:15

That is absoutely disgusting and one of the worst things Ive read here for some time.

Original poster
MadyaunMylford · 17/01/2018 12:15

I have one other son but no other GC. he is very supportive so at least that is some consolation.
Other son is going due to current economic climate and as someone said the mythical 'better life'. Not sure how much they have researched.
TBH he wasn't really very supportive when I was first diagnosed and has always put his career first and not visited very often. GCs are both under 5 and I have enjoyed seeing them grow up and being involved...Facetime story is not the same.
He is determined to go so no amount of pleading or explaining how I feel will change his mind I think.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 17/01/2018 12:15

but in the grand scheme of things you still have it good.

Your a fucking idiot.