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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

364 replies

MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:38

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
Cubtrouble · 17/01/2018 17:27

It’s a no from me. What happens if the kid breaks itself skiing? Then you have to deal with it. No

mummmy2017 · 17/01/2018 17:33

Great mummying... your the tops.

ittakes2 · 17/01/2018 17:40

I don’t think it’s cheeky at all to ask - her daughter is old enough to look after herself. I get the impression she has gone regularly with your ski crowd so your daughters must be familiar with her. BUT, if it doesn’t suit you or your daughters - just say so. I don’t think you are being unreasonable not wanting to take on the responsibility.

jayne1976 · 17/01/2018 17:54

Sorry room sharing at that age seems very inappropriate, so it would be a nonfrom
Me

Cubtrouble · 17/01/2018 17:56

Mummy- don’t judge my “mummying”. I don’t mean I wouldn’t deal with a sick or injured child- I mean if they end up unable to get a regular flight home - what do you then do? Leave the child alone? Or send your own kids home alone?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 17/01/2018 17:58

I don't see how it was hard to say no. Surely once you'd pointed out that you'd have to share a bed with your adult son or have him sleep on the floor no-one would bother pursuing the idea.

squeezedatbothends · 17/01/2018 18:02

Hip pain is excruciating. And you can be on a waiting list for years or suddenly be called up at a moment's notice. A full replacement is brutal and it takes months to recover. Of course she can't ski. My Mum couldn't walk more than a few steps without agony before her operation. I can understand why she doesn't want her child to miss out and you are within your rights to say no. But don't dismiss her pain and condition as trivial.

Turquoise123 · 17/01/2018 18:04

well there is not enough room is there so that's a no and no problem at all surely ?

nellieellie · 17/01/2018 18:05

But surprised at the responses here. This woman according to OP is not a close friend. No real reason she can’t go to take her DD, she just can’t ski. I would not want someone else’s 16 yr old sharing a room with my family on a holiday. Could change the dynamics, be awkward and is a helluva responsibility. I can imagine asking anyone to do this for me. Yes, If was serious health issues and a close friend, I’d do it. It’s neither, so no, yanbu.

Oldieandgoldie · 17/01/2018 18:07

Just imagine, if she had an accident and ended up in hospital, you would have to be there with her, wouldn’t you?

And just who would be there to look after your kids??

I’m glad you made the right decision. Go and enjoy your lovely family holiday.

Pals87 · 17/01/2018 18:07

Any ASK on Mumsnet is Cheeky, if you don’t want ppl to ask you for anything why mingle with them at all?

Her DD is 16, not 10-12 , she will pay for her, so not a free loader.
If you don’t want any responsibility just say no.

Why judge ?

southboundagain · 17/01/2018 18:09

"If you don’t want any responsibility just say no.

Why judge ?"

I agree completely with this.

another20 · 17/01/2018 18:09

I don't see how it was hard to say no

It is for some of us people pleasers (we are not happy being that way but do most things due to FOG)

We experience great stress (unnecessary) - worried that we ABU - despite our gut telling us the right answer and the requester probably not bothered either way.

I wonder what would have happened if the CF just told the OP that she could n't go and her DD was gutted. Maybe more chance that OP might have thought it through and tried to work something out.....?

ItMadeMyEyesWater · 17/01/2018 18:11

Two words for her Fuck Off!

ladystarkers · 17/01/2018 18:11

She wants her teenager daughter to share a room with your teenage sonShock

another20 · 17/01/2018 18:17

*"If you don’t want any responsibility just say no.

Why judge ?"*

Thats exactly correct but I think that is done to justify saying No when you feel v uncomfortable doing so - when really you don't need to justify saying No at all....

CorbynsBumFlannel · 17/01/2018 18:24

There's no working out to be done. The op has an adult son with sn who would have to sleep on the floor! Surely no-one could think it unreasobable to refuse to make him do that.

Abbylee · 17/01/2018 18:35

I have a chronic illness. I would never ask because I would expect your reaction, but i would hope for someone to offer. My dd went on vacation with boy and parents, not a big deal. They are equally shy and curious.

Willow2017 · 17/01/2018 18:42

Her DD is 16, not 10-12 , she will pay for her, so not a free loader.
If you don’t want any responsibility just say no.

She hasnt actually offered to pay.

She knew all along she wasnt going but didnt tell op. She lef her to believe she had booked the holiday.

She led her daughter on to believe they were booked to go.

She only sees her once a year at this holuday. It was supposed to be just the 2 of them plus kids now op is the only adult.

Being in charge of another child on a potentially dangerous holiday on your own is not my idea of stress free fun time.

None of the above are the actions of a good friend.

StaggeringOn · 17/01/2018 18:44

Well done, OP. There is no way I would have taken on the responsibility of an extra child on a skiing holiday, unless I had another adult with me.
You must be very disappointed that she isn’t coming with her daughter. You have been expecting to have her company, and sharing looking after the children. It changes the whole dynamics of the holiday.

Willow2017 · 17/01/2018 18:47

Abby
Did you expect the other child to sleep on the floor so your kid could sleep in thier bed?
Did you expect thier 18yr old boy to sleep in same bed as his mum so your child could go?

Thought not. I am sure you are not that selfish.

Plus there were 2 parents not just one.
What if this girl has an accident skiing? Whats op supposed to do then?

Smudge100 · 17/01/2018 18:48

If your DS is 18 it’s inappropriate and i would be wondering why she even asked. It sounds wierd. If she hasn’t booked sh3’s clearly disorganised. Steer clear. Siunds like trouble.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 17/01/2018 18:52

I don’t think it’s cheeky and feel you must have had a very sheltered life.

As long as she is willing to and her daughter isn’t a pain in the butt I don’t see the issue.

Treat people how you want to be treated and all that...

Mysteries · 17/01/2018 18:58

Absolutely refuse. You need time with your son and daughter. To accept her daughter would change your holiday totally from one where you can go off to bed and listen to your children to one where you all spend the time being nice to this acquaintance's child. Also, this woman is devious, letting you think she was going on the hol. Keep away from devious people. They can be dangerous. If you were ever to refuse her something in the future, she could retaliate by making up stuff about how your son harassed her daughter. Say no before she does even worse things. And she is not considerate and compassionate like you. So she will be able to take your refusal, no problem. And don't apologise to her.

Willow2017 · 17/01/2018 18:59

Sarah
Someone you only see once a year tries to guilt trip you into taking her daugter on holiday.
Expects another family member to give up thier bed for her.

Hasnt even considered that op's hotel will not allow overcrowding in the room due to fire regs.
Hasnt offered to pay.
Lied by omission to op for months.
Lied to her own daughter.

Hows that for treating others as you would like to be treated yourself?

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