to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

[MargoLovebutter]

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

good for you love!

pisses me off no end when other people try to make THEIR problems your problems.

she was sad you couldn't help? that is such a manipulative thing to say.

Well done OP!

What an absolute shyster though - you have the measure of her now, sadly. Not such a good friend after all.

However, a good thing about not giving an inch in these situations is that she's far less likely to try and take the piss in future, as she will expect you to say no.

A great update! What a cheeky mare; 'wouldn’t help' indeed. With your son's issues, it's 'couldn’t help'. Have a wonderful holiday OP

Congratulations on your first 'Let my no be no' achievement. The first is always the hardest.

You've done the right thing! What if her dd has an accident skiing- how would she feel not being there with her? And how would she feel about you- would it all be your fault?! It's not just a day out its a huge responsibility which you would need to feel 100% happy with to say yes.

I honestly couldn't have done it without this thread. I can feel the adrenaline pumping around me (which I know is RIDICULOUS) but I also feel like I could say 'no' again now.

I will definitely sleep well tonight.

Well done op! I hope you felt the strength of mumsnet behind you as you made the call.

High 5 to you, and everyone who has posted on this thread.

Way to go you and I’m so pleased you phoned. This way your not waiting for a text or an e mail back. It is done xxx

Well done OP, very impressive

Well done! Especially well done for navigating the guilt trip!! I hope you and your children have a wonderful holiday.

Well done, especially doing it by phone!

"She is so sad you couldn't help"

what a bitch.

Well done OP.

Really impressed that you made that call - I would have wimped out with a text - really impressed that you had all your prep ready - sentences written out etc. I am on this backbone growing journey as well.

I agree with Ex-Pat - I have allowed myself to be rail-roaded into things when I don't want to do stuff AND at the expense of my kids. Just makes for a very miserable time "sucking it up". You have also taught your children a really important life lesson - that you dont have to be a people pleaser - and that you value them and their opinions and your family holiday over accommodating a random.

I am now learning to listen to my gut and just say "No. That wont work for me / I have plans" etc ASAP - rather than angsting about it for weeks.

Your initial post explained clearly how you how YOU FELT - that is all that matters - so that is what you should do.

Enjoy this special time just the 3 of you.

no camping
It was WORSE CF didnt say 'sad she couldnt help' - she said 'sad she WOULDNT help" repeatedly.

Makes OP even more vindicated.

well done you!!!

Well done! I'm another people pleasing type and know how hard it is to say no. But what a relief now you've done it!

If you can’t ask friends who can you ask

'If you can’t ask friends who can you ask confused'

And when you can't take no for an answer from a friend, but continue to try to guilt and manipulate them with multiple, 'sad you won't help' whinges, you're a CF, not a friend.

It's a pretty big fucking ask to request that someone you only see once a year looks after your under 18 teen for a week in a foreign country whilst doing a potentially dangerous activity, with her sharing your ££ room for free, causing you to have to share a bed with your teenage son

Having carried along said friend in the deception that you fully intended to book the holiday yourself.

What would happen if the girl broke a leg on the holiday? It's a maybe but it happens all the time.

I think the friend was outrageous given both the circumstances and the loose nature of the friendship. If you were a close enough friend to have volunteered the arrangement knowing all the facts it'd be slightly different.

Well don OP! Good on you for phoning too. I bet your heart was racing.

Well done you!!

Well done op.

She's a CF who never intended to go and always intended for you to take her DD. So rude.

She is sad you won't help her???
Cheeky cow. I bet she is sad she is not getting a free holiday for her daughter

Glad you stood your ground, she's a piss taker. There'd be nothing stopping her going with her DD and booking a different hotel or chalet and just not skiing.