About his attitude to lap dances

[AnotherPlaceAnotherTime]

I’m currently having a discussion with my DP about our attitudes to strip clubs and lap dances.

I’m against the whole thing for two reasons. Firstly, I think strip clubs treat women as commodities to be bought and promotes negative attitudes to women. Secondly, I hate the idea of my DP paying for another woman to get naked and dance in his lap. This really upsets me. I know he is always going to find other women attractive but to actually pay for someone to turn him on on a 1-2-1 basis feels disrespectful to me.

He has just said that I’ve got no right to tell him what to do and if he were to go on a stag do where it was expected of him then he would be getting a lap dance.

I feel pretty devastated about this. I know I can’t force him not to do something but I did hope he would take my feelings into account.

AIBU to be upset?

Well what is good for him is good for you

Guys look at these things differently. There is no emotion. I didn’t mind my ex watching porn, but I did mind him going to strip clubs if it was a casual night out as he would be in contact with a real person. If he told me in advance he is planning on going I would deal with it somehow, but if he just went and told me he is already in I would go mad, he would feel the same and he told me he would take it as cheating if I didn’t tell him in advance. Btw guys have double standards

Ok I would say to him that you see this as adultery and if you want an open relationship then it’s ok for you to go and seek male companionship ask them to strip off and rub themselves on you, then great. If he can’t refrain then this is what you’ll do.

I'm male
Used to work away a lot (shopfitting), virtually all the tradesmen would go at least once a week to lap/strip clubs. I never went to any. Found the whole thing somewhat degrading….to ME!! The assumption that just a because pretty woman is going to dance with her boobs out and in return I'll lose my senses and throw money away is highly insulting. As much as women say its degrading for women, it's equally degrading for men too. Do women just assume that because we have testes our brains don't function??

The fact that OP has stated to her DP she finds it upsetting, yet he still intends to go, makes me automatically assume, he has very little respect for her. Maybe he considers her as okay until he gets a better offer?? If I were you OP I'd tell him to fuck off and wank himself senseless along with all the other creepy, leering twats.

I'm sure you can do better

I can't disentangle the link between any facet of the sex industry and human trafficking: Legalized Prostitution In Germany Looks Like A Living Nightmare

There are also porn theaters where men can find prostituted women, “tea clubs” (which mainly serve Turkish and Arab men and have mainly Bulgarian and Romanian women working there), your regular escorts, and, of course, online prostitution. Most people are surprised to learn that micro-brothels exist right in their own neighborhood, because they lack the visibility of mega-brothels.
Then there’s the organized crime factor. Organized crime groups like the Hells Angels, Mongols, Bandidos, United Tribuns, etc. control prostitution and red light districts in various German cities. Hamburg and Frankfurt, for example, are in the hands of the Hells Angels, whereas the United Tribuns control prostitution in Stuttgart and Villingen-Schwenningen. Despite that reality, popular discourse around legalization tends to focus on women’s “free choice” instead of the heavy involvement of organized crime in the industry.
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One question that always seems to rise to the surface when talking about the porn industry is the difference between pornography and prostitution. Think about it. What is the difference between people getting paid to have sex and…people getting paid to have sex?
The fact of the matter is that there is really no clear-cut distinction between porn and prostitution, just an extremely thin line of small print and technicalities. In reality, the link between porn and prostitution is inseparable. Research shows that men who go to prostitutes are twice as likely to have watched a porn film in the last year compared to the general population. It’s also not surprising that when these customers show up, many come ready with porn images in hand to show the women they’re exploiting what they want to do.

fightthenewdrug.org/germanys-legalized-prostitution-industry-looks-like-a-real-life-horror-movie/